Comments on: [Reader Discussion] Struggling with Your Parents? How to Deal with it Productively

By: Aida

Aida — Fri, 10 Dec 2021 21:46:05 +0000

Islam does also speak about child rights that parents should follow, it’s just not talked about as much. The reason being is Allah has repeated several times to treat parents with kindness and respect because it can get you jannat. The significance of parent care is way greater and remember getting jannat will not be easy. That does not mean your not allowed to put forth your opinion and emotions. Allah also said that it is wrong to stay quiet in wrong and not speak up for urself, or for the right. Parents are definitely not always right because they’re human as well, but islam teaches to put forth ur opinion respectfuly. This does not only apply for parents, but in general you should speak respectfuly and calmly put forth ur opinion and point of view and be firm. It’s not about just taking it all, rather dealing with it correctly which is why we are in this world to try our best to react appropriately to the tests given to us. Just remember one thing u will face the punishments for the wrong u do and say, similarly the other person will also receive punishment for their wrong words and wrong actions, whether they are ur parents. You just need to focus on ur conduct, for your better akhira.

By: Dexter Vonaughan

Dexter Vonaughan — Fri, 12 Mar 2021 14:01:31 +0000

In reply to Dexter Vonaughan. Religious knowledge isn't even my issue here!!!

By: Dexter Vonaughan

Dexter Vonaughan — Fri, 12 Mar 2021 12:42:31 +0000

Besides there are other ways of being kind not just with the way you speak. The Qur’an does also say “even amongst your spouse’s and offsprings you may have enemies” and “when they’ve reached old age” and “stand as witnesses even against your parents and family”

By: Dexter Vonaughan

Dexter Vonaughan — Fri, 12 Mar 2021 11:15:01 +0000

Oh stfu will you. I’ve had enough of having to respect and be nice to parents when they’re not nice to me telling me off and nagging and getting harsh and mad and cross and say it’s for my own good no matter how much it upsets and pisses me off especially for things I do by accident or doesn’t directly affect anyone or not my fault n worrying being intervening and caring by being mean and annoying. Respect and kindness is mutual it doesn’t matter who the conflict is between I don’t bloody-f help that they procreated me and mum carried me for 9mths and went thru pain giving birth to me i so loath that fact that doesn’t make them any less human so they can still treat me bad like other people. Like my feelings don’t matter just cuz I’m the kid if I can’t fire back at them but they can to me. I especially hate my rents to pieces it depends on how they treat me not who they are they make me feel like that. I love my second-aunt much more than them. Islam is really unfair on this. I’m never having kids no need to worry how kids will treat me and me them I won’t hear discipline doesn’t mean being nice all the time!!! Why do the “doors to jannah” have to be the meanest people

By: Ali Nasser

Ali Nasser — Mon, 28 Oct 2019 21:12:05 +0000

I feel like there is a certain line where eventually if the parents want any kind of respect, they must give some themselves.

By: Hasina

Hasina — Sat, 21 Jul 2018 06:26:10 +0000

May i know how to deal with a mother who is characterless?

By: fabiha

fabiha — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 22:47:59 +0000

In reply to Anonymous. i really appreciate your advice. this is practical and doable.understanding one's limitations, setting boundaries and acting accordingly. jazakAllah

By: Yusra

Yusra — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 17:11:10 +0000

In reply to Yusra. Can I add further that days later my whole family including my mother pretends nothing has happened. It's ruined my life and my marriage and caused me and my siblings real emotional and mental stress : anxiety, depression which most of us are in counselling for. I make duah for my parents daily. It's the love for the dunyah that's damaged them.

By: AF

AF — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 15:17:52 +0000

In reply to fabiha.

Assalamualeikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

This was the absolute most beautiful advice. IAK, as I was reading your first comment, I couldn’t help but double-checking to make sure that it actually wasn’t an old comment that I myself had written! Then I realised this is a very new article and therefore it was impossible for it to be myself. But I clicked completely with what you wrote. I’m experiencing the exact same thing – I hate myself for not being able to respect my father naturally. I hate having to FORCE myself to show him respect, but I, like you, fear that that relation could be the cause of lack of inner peace and barakah. It can be SO hard to look past some of his really annoying habits that he just doesn’t want to do ANYTHING at all to change and also the way he treats my mother and myself.
But wallahi, I love the advice fabiha gave, which is to respect him like you are following a rule of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. In the end, we’re responsible towards him. However others treat us, the only thing we are in control of is how we react ourselves. And it’s so important to remember that everyone has their own personal jihad and dealing with difficult parents can be a serious jihad, but can also be a source of SO much reward, if done properly. Yeah, so many people have wonderful and kind and respectful parents. They have something else in their life, which is their jihad. Allah gave us something else instead, alhamdulillah. Remember Allah, even if the person you’re dealing with is forgetting to do so. Very profound advice, jazakumullahu kulla khayr.

By: yazreenah

yazreenah — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 12:38:32 +0000

hye, I have a dad who is an extrovert, and trains his children with full discipline. whatever astray to the way he is thinking he will scold us and at times he will put vulgar words in the conversation. Whatever comes against to his way of thinking as well he will directly disagree and started to be sensitive, saying that we as his children doesnt want to takare of him etc. Im staying with my parents and at ti es i feel irritated when he started to point out my mistakes here and there, even the smallest ones. He directs me to do this and that even he k ows he can do it himself. He said he wanted to ‘tests’ our loyalty and I knows its part of our responsibilities to treat our parents right, but as time gies by I lost a little bit of hope. Alhamdulillah, we were given rizq of having our own cars and all, but when we screwed up a little bit, he started to bring up all the things that he had spent on us, siblings, and when he is angry he wants to take all the things he gave to us.I mean, I dont ask for this and that, provide me this and that. If all the thibgs he gave he wants to bring up all again hen in that case, Im not forcing him to provide everythig. I cried when sometimes I cant manage my anger, disagree with his decision when he things he is the one who is right. I know its my fault sometimes but when Allah tested me with my father, I gone weak and dont know what to do more. help please.