Comments on: [Reader Discussion] Restoring Ties with Family and Friends

By: Imraan

Imraan — Fri, 22 Jun 2018 20:23:26 +0000

I am in a bad situation with my wife and her family. We been married for 18 months. Of those 18 months more than 50% of that time my wife has insisted on staying away from me due to desires for money and for being with her parents and one other reason which only she and someone else and Allah swt knows the truth. I’m not saying I’m perfect or anything. Anyway since the first day of out marriage I have found out things about her from her phone and from her never-ending false promises and frequent disrespect towards me and my family. We have been separated for 1 month now awaiting a sit down to discuss all events from day one of marriage. I am the only son who looks after my mum. What should I do? I can’t forgive her for the stuff she has done to me and I don’t like being the victim of deceipt and degredation continually.

What should I do. I’ve come to the conclusion that our personalities are incompatible. What she does wrong to me she thinks she’s right. And what I expect from her she thinks I oppress her.

As a result relationship between my side and her side has all gone very sour. Almost at a point of no return. At the sit down they may even force our hand to completely cut ties even though we make fair demands pledging for cooperation and living reasonably within sharia and sunnah.

What should I do. What should my family do?

By: fatima shah

fatima shah — Wed, 20 Sep 2017 18:39:20 +0000

As salam-u- alaikum,
Inthink being frank and honest is the best way i might get a solution to my problem.
I have been dealing with depression alot lately. And everybody keeps on saying ‘i have changed a lot’ ‘i dont respect anyone’. I think i have changed too. I have anger issues now and i think i hate everyone who comes near me.
No one in my family talks to me now, as they now i might get angry and everyone looks at me in sympathy.
Please help me Regain what i lost fue to anger. And tell me how di i restore all the broken ties..

By: Sherifah

Sherifah — Sun, 31 Jan 2016 23:55:55 +0000

As-salam aleykum wrahamatullah wabarakatuhu, there is one woman who stays closer to my house who stays closer to my house and noticed I was going out with her husband and of course we have both agreed to marry each other but when this woman got to know about it, she went to my mum and insulted her all day till d extent that my elder sister couldn’t not bear the shame any longer and so it resulted into conflict which my sister nearly beat her up and since then, we have stopped the good relationship between us, she doent greet us and vice-versa. I don’t like the way things are going because some of our neighbors had joined her in embarrassing my mum where ever she steps. Pleas what can I do I’m tired of the malice. Ma salam

By: Aisha

Aisha — Mon, 14 Sep 2015 20:24:22 +0000

Hi MashaAllah nyc topic my family never contacted me for two and a half years just because I refused to get married to the guy whom they wanted and went on with my choice of a husband I have never wronged them before that day so on my wedding day my father attended the nikkah and after that day He never answered even my phonecall after 2moths I started befriending my sisters Alhamdulillah the rest of the family is now okay with my husband except my aunt(who is now married to my dad) and my dad my Allah help me get that good relationship with my dad I miss him so much and I also hope my aunt will also forgive me most of all I wronged her the most I regret telling her that she isn’t my mum after she raised me since my mum died I hope that she finds it in her heart to forgive me bcos evrytime I go home she refuses to see me. Please pray for me and her to reconcile soon I miss her so much she was my best friend

By: Saniya

Saniya — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 18:39:48 +0000

nice post…i have one quention. I have a friend in office with whom i am not talking since few months.as she use to humiliate me everytime.She used to remove all her mood swings on me. being a quiet person i never reply back to her.but since when i stopped talking she started taunting me.now 1 week before she started talking talking to me saying she needs me as she is upset with in laws.but it was a lie and again after two days she was same , getting rude and all.again i left talking as it makes me depressed.i once discussed this with her but she was not ready to accept her mistake …now my question is still do i need to talk to her even though it depress me…

By: Hammad Hamid

Hammad Hamid — Mon, 30 Mar 2015 16:26:59 +0000

Asalam u Alikum . very effective discussion. Following is a tip I have learned in my life. Its just a matter of putting away and placing some words in our communication and people would love us.

Try saying “NO PROBLEM” when someone makes a mistake and stop saying “WHY YOU DID THAT?” when someone makes a mistake. There are other ways to make someone realize there mistakes.

By: Hadith of the Day – Restoring Ties with Family and Friends

Hadith of the Day – Restoring Ties with Family and Friends — Sun, 29 Mar 2015 08:26:54 +0000

[…] Source: https://productivemuslim.com/reader-discussion-restoring-ties/ […]

By: Abdul Rauf

Abdul Rauf — Thu, 26 Mar 2015 09:46:13 +0000

Masha Allah..really nice article. I really loved it. To be honest, i had a difference with closest kin. After reading this article, i realised that there is no point of being having difference with anyone. Because, this always disturbs and not able to have peace of mind.

I would say , by making practice of below habits we can have strong ties with family members :-

1. Gatherings
2. If staying away, keep in constant touch
3. Through social media like watsapp by sharing good thoughts and having healthy discussions

By: Fari

Fari — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 09:59:16 +0000

In reply to ikrimah.

Assalamu alaikum sister,
I understand your trouble, all of us go through tough times and moments of despair and our first question would always be “WHY ME?”. we think how unfair life is to us or how unlucky we are. we feel that if we pray and stay away from bad deeds Allah has to grant us everything. I believe that Allah SWT tests and he tests us MORE when our iman gets stronger and it takes us closer to him. Make dua and ask Allah to help you. most teenage girls have the same problem with their moms.Allah tests those He loves in order to make them closer to Him. The more you seek His love and be completely freed from your needs of anybody except for Allah, the easier it will be to accept her inability to treat you justly, and the easier it will be to treat her with respect for the sake of Allah.Remember that nobody knows and understands your pain better than Allah SWT and above all, nobody is more forgiving and loving than Allah SWT. Rather than expending emotional & physical energy on the guilt you feel, work towards strengthening your relationship with Allah and also asking Him to strengthen your heart, and to change the heart of your mother.
In striving to help your mom you are pleasing Allah SWT. There is a particular emphasis on good treatment of parents as Allah SWT says, “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them, but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’” [al-Isra’ 17:23-24]
Be patient for Allah SWT loves the patient and remember “Paradise lies under the feet of your mother” You can’t change how people treat you! All you can change is how you react to it.Make istighfar constantly and Allah will help you. May Allah SWT ease all your difficulties. PLS forgv if I hav used any hurtful wrds. the following link brings out the wonders of istighfar….
http://orbitislam.com/virtues-benefits-of-istighfar-astaghfirullah-dua/

By: ikrimah

ikrimah — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 08:17:32 +0000

Okay so when i was born after 1.5 years i started living in my grandmothers(mothers mother) home but i was in connection with my mom and dad so its been 5to 6 years im completely with my parents so i have become lil bit normal like earlier i wasnt able to talk to him clearly i use to feel shy but with mom im dtruggling see i am in 10th standard and theres too mmuch to study because so many exams are held so sometime (almost all the time) im unable to help her in chores and am the only daughter of her so i feel bad that why im not helping her so i try helping her but sometimes she becomes reallyy angry like may be yesterday one of my moms brother ( in islam) came to our house so suddenly my friend called for some help in portion because we had exam the next day and at the same time mom asked me to cut salad so i cutted half salad and went to help my friend when i came back to kitchen was that really important that was not important that time so i told her no it was important she wanted to know about portion i didnt went to waste my time though i spoked softly she said ok i have had enough mend your ways or i ll say the same to you to leave the house and do whatever you want to leave me and i was like what….. Plz im really trying my best from past 1 year but failed plz help me out…….