Thank you for your input and time for writing all that May Allah reward you

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatu,

I’m sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your parents not showing affection. Of course I can’t possibly know what the problem could be from simply reading your letter and not speaking to your parents, but I will present a few ideas for you to ponder, insha’Allah. And Allah is the All Knower.

There could be numerous reasons why your parents don’t show affection.This may sound strange, but It could be that they truly don’t know how or haven’t learned how to show appropriate affection toward their children. As a rule, parents tend to parent in similar ways they were parented. This is the case unless they encounter information to do otherwise or are taught and encouraged to parent in a different way. And even then it can take time for them to begin practicing the new parenting behavior, as it is uncomfortable and foreign to them.

Other reasons could be that they are depressed and experiencing some difficulties that you may be unaware of. Severely depressed parents often lack the emotional energy to give appropriate affection. You mentioned that you have a stepmother. If your father has had a divorce or has been widowed recently, he could still be morning either loss.

Another reason could be that your parents have the belief that you are older now and not in need of their time and affection.

The best way to handle this initially would be to tell your father that you would like to talk to him. when he is available to talk, in a mature, non-judgmental and calm manner, express what you have mentioned in this letter. In fact, you could even write him a letter explaining how you and your siblings feel. Let him know exactly what type of behavior you are missing from him–conversations, listening, time together, outings, hugs, smiles, etc. Explain to him that your failure to receive this type of affection causes you to feel that he doesn’t love you. This would be a good start, insha’Allah.

And also remember to always make dua to Allah asking Him to help your parents to change their behavior toward you and your siblings and to guide them to show more affection. Never give up asking Allah for His favors.

May Allah reward you and your siblings for your patience with your parents. May He bless you to grow closer to Him as a result of your difficulty. May He bless you, your siblings, and your parents to have a warm and loving relationship. May He bless you all with the good of this world and the hereafter and protect you from the hellfire.

Your Sister in Islam,
Grandma Jeddah

@Farnaz Nadeem – Wa alaikumussalaam warahmatullah. I just noticed your comment here. You’re welcome to email us any time on support@productivemuslim.com. I’ve just sent you an email addressing your concern.

Ameen, Sister LIsa. Jazakalakhair.

Wassalam