Jazakallahu khairan Zoia. Ameen to all your dua’. :) Thank you for your beneficial reminder. Turning to our Lord, our Creator, is the number one thing that we all must do before looking for any means to change ourselves. To Him is our end and He will provide the means. We all have to realise and be grateful for the fact that we are here reading all these beneficial articles on websites like PM or any other media, it is all part of His guidance and part of His answering of our secret prayers that we made but most of the time forget. Most of us struggle and strive to stay afloat in this sea of distractions, doubts and fears, and as soon as we’re back on the dry land and we’re good again, we tend to be forgetful of the fact that it’s always been Him SWT saving us from ourselves.
“And when adversity touches you at sea, lost are [all] those you invoke except for Him. But when He delivers you to the land, you turn away [from Him]. And ever is man ungrateful.” (17:67)
http://quran.com/17/67

Wa iyakum, Haniza. Thanks so much, your comment means a lot. :) I’d really love to know which part or point of the article you resonated with the most? So, that it’ll help me do more of what’s beneficial for you. Jazakallahu khair.

Thank you for the feedback and question, bushra.
To answer your question, yes, just follow the first link at the bottom of the article above, under the resources section there ;)

The way to get to the end value is to keep asking, “What does being/doing or having this allow me to feel?” or “What emotional state does this give me”? Get to a feeling.
To is the example of ‘family’ again:
If family is important to you and no the top of your list, what does family give you?
For some, it would be ‘love’, for others, it would be ‘support’, safety or security, depending on their top emotional drivers.

If you’re just curious about your values and how they relate to your current behaviour and get some insights, you can do that yourself. Or with a friend or someone who can be honest with you. Make sure you both understand the process and get the friend to ask you the questions and elicit your response.

The most effective way to do this process is to work with an NLP trained (preferably Muslim) personal development or life coach.

If you are serious about your personal growth and want to get into the art and science behind personal transformation, emotional mastery and what makes you do what you do and, in particular, the value elicitation process and how our values play a role in the bigger picture of our life, I highly recommend you download the free ebook, Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. http://www.tonyrobbins.com/ebook/
This is a condensed version of his original work.

I saw a book on values by sister Bela Khan. Haven’t got the chance to check it out myself but I think it’s on this topic. Look her up, I’ve heard some great things about the work that she’s doing mA.

I trust that answers your question. Please let me know if you have further questions.

You’re welcome :)

Salam Ahmad Amin, thank you for your comment and for giving me the opportunity to clarity further. The way I’d explain it would be when you’re attempting to achieve a goal that requires you to do something that is against your values, what you feel is important to you, then you’ll self-sabotage by not taking action or doing something to mess it up.
Or if your goal requires you to experience or overcome one of your moving away values, aka your fears or negative emotions that you don’t want to feel, you will also not follow through on the actions required to achieve your goals.
I trust that helps you understand it a little bit better. Or not :)
iA, I might have a video coming up, so watch out for that.
Thank you again for your comment. Any more question, please let me know.

Wa iyakum, iman mukhlisah. Thank you for your comment. I trust that with the awareness that you gained now, you are able to move through your blockages. May Allah SWT give you tawfeeq and reward and bless your efforts. Ameen.

Wa iyakum, Gulshan. Thank you for your comment and sharing your journey :)
You might want to start putting your goals on a time line, starting with your ultimate vision -> who do you want to be and what kind of life do you want to lead in, say, 10 years time.
Then, have 5 year goals, then 3 years, then 1 year.
Get them prioritised.
Then, break them down into quarterly and weekly projects.
Then, focus on the weekly.
:)
Keep making decisions and keep moving forward.
Work with a coach to help you get clarity and help you with your limiting beliefs.
May Allah SWT bless you, your endeavours and make all your dreams come true. Ameen.

Wa iyakum, Manaar. Thank you for sharing your experience. Yes, having a clear vision of what you want to achieve and being clear on your values are important. I trust that with this awareness, you can make some positive changes now iA. Part 7 of this series will give you further insights and awareness on another level. It would be great if you can share your insights there as well. Jazakallahu khairan.

Thank you, Umbreen Bader, for your comment. When I said ‘the means are not important anymore’, I meant to say that we don’t get attached to the means when we’re clear on our end values, what is it ultimately that we’re unconsciously striving to experience.

In your example of love and family, it is to realise that family is a means for you to experience your end value love, and you can also have other means, aka vehicles, for experiencing love. It doesn’t mean the family is not important anymore and we can disregard them. Of course not.

Rather, it is realising the impermanent nature of us human beings.. that people will leave, God can take them away anytime He wants in any means He wishes because it is He who has given them to us in the first place. Children will grow up and leave the nest. We were born alone and we will die alone… and we’re accountable for each of our own actions.

So don’t get too attached to people, love them while they’re there but when it’s time to go, it’s time to let go and move on. It may sound harsh for some people and it may appear doom and gloom but that’s the reality. God is the ultimate end and everything is this life is a means for reaching Him. And please remember that the ultimate love of all, The Loving :)

“Mankind, be mindful of your Lord, and fear a Day when a no parent can help his own child, nor can a child help his parent. Certainly, Allah’s promise is truth. Therefore, do not be deceived by this worldly life; and do not let the Deceiver delude you about Allah. (31:33)

And God knows best.

These two talks by Sr Yasmin Mogahed will help you get some perspective iA.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgwjGwmcqbk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZr3CvpWuAo

Walaikum salam Adlina. Wa iyakum. We appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Please share this article with your loved ones. I’d love to write more of these too.