Thank you for your kind words, Sana. Ameen. I’m very glad to know that you’ve benefitted. Please teach what you’ve learned to someone and pay it forward :)
Just thought I’d let you know that I did a webinar on ‘understanding and inspiring yourself to change’ a few days ago and the reply is available on my website. Trust you’ll find that beneficial as well.

Love the quote: “When Allah inspires your tongue to ask, know that He wants to give”! :)
I really appreciate how you are responding to people who are commenting and helping them improve themselves. MashAllah! May Allah reward you extensively for it! I am following up on the comments every day!

It’s been a few days since I have read this article and your subsequent comments and it has really helped me to gain bearings of where I stand. It has consciously and systematically brought me to evaluate where I have been heading, and where I should be heading . Alhamdolilah.

Thank you Sana. I appreciate you sharing your feedback. Alhamdulillah.

Ameen. Thank you for your comment and for checking back. The fact that you’re on this website looking for answers to improve yourself and striving to be productive means that you can accomplish anything that you set your mind to and inspire others to do the same.

Here’s one of my favourite quotes, “When Allah inspires your tongue to ask, know that He wants to give.” – Ibn Ata’ Allah Al-Iskandari
How awesome is it to know that!!

And I love that you talk about mastering the productive thinking and habits :)
“Every master was once a disaster.”

I understand Thank you

You have explained the question really well mashaAllah. What you wrote about is not the problem of this particular Muslima, but many people could relate to it one way or the other.
I benefitted a lot from it. Have gained so much from this article and the comments. Alhamdulilah

Alhamdulillah..i think i have misunderstood the word ‘responsibility’ on many level and thank you for clarifying the doubts. Mashaa Allah, the explanation including examples and tips you had given has been very helpful indeed. They also put new perspective on my thinking. May Allah SWT reward you abundantly. JazakAllah khair.

Thanks, Adam.

Thank you so much for your detailed response. May Allah reward you extensively. Your reply is Alhamdulilah very motivational and I feel that it IS the solution for me (i.e. To know the kind of person I want to be and to evaluate how badly do I want it) to master productive thinking and actions. Thank you for posting the video as well.

(Apologies for the long comment. I just realised after typing it up that this comment is an article in and of itself. Trust you’ll find it helpful.)

Wa iyakum. Thank you Nori. I’m glad that you found the article helpful :). It ‘s awesome that you’ve been striving to be productive, especially during uni years where most students have no clue what productivity is.

And thank you for seeking further clarification on ‘taking 100% responsibility for result and non-result.’ It’s common that people mistake taking responsibility with ‘blaming themselves’. I would like to say that everything is your responsibility but not everything is your fault. Blaming yourself is below the line. Even though you’re not blaming other people or things outside of your control, you’re blaming yourself. Blaming involves a lot of judgement about how things should be and not accepting the ‘reality’.

That’s why one of the important points about a sincere tawbah is that after we’ve repented from the mistakes that we’ve made, we HAVE TO believe that God has forgiven us. Most of the time, we disempower ourselves by beating ourselves up; we are doing it to ourselves. We should never blame ourselves for the things that we did or didn’t do.

Sometimes, we don’t get what we want. We get what we need; for us to change, learn and grow.

Responsibility on another level means ‘Response’ + ‘ability’. Your ability to respond; meaning having that ‘space’ to think and re-evaluate our approach, did I do everything that I could? What’s another way?
Not banging our head against the wall.. Like the proverbial fly against a glass window. And spinning our wheels saying… I’m going to try harder.
It’s having the flexibility to step back and take a different approach, talk to different people who’s gone the way, asking for advice etc.
With certain goals, eg. Goals that involves learning a physical or mental skill, yes, you just need some good old hard work, practice and patience.

To answer your specific question, in the context that I think you’re asking the question, taking responsibility doesn’t mean ‘blaming’ ourselves when things don’t go our way. Taking responsibility sometimes mean accepting the decree; it may be that it’s not the right time. Sometimes, we want things in our time but God has His own time line. Everything works according to His time SWT. He is Most Wise and the Most Knowledgeable.

If you’re sure that some of your goals are your life’s callings and your purpose in this world, then keep at them.
Thoreau says that, “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”
James Allan, from one of my favourite essay, As a man thinketh, says this. “Your circumstances may be uncongenial, but they shall not long remain so if you but perceive an Ideal and strive to reach it. You cannot travel within and stand still without”
Brian Tracy says that, ‘There are no unrealistic goals; only unrealistic deadlines (aka time frames).
Here’s one of my favourite quotes. “No great thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen. ” ~ Epictitus
That’s why patience is one of the virtuous characters of a believer.
However, accepting the decree doesn’t mean giving up on our goals. We don’t achieve our goals maybe because it’s not the right timing, or even the right goal. Taking responsibility and really thinking through, doing research, taking counsel (Shura) and pray the divine guidance prayer (Istikhara); that’s all part of our responsibility before pursuing any goals.

May be we need to talk to the right people but didn’t because ego or fear of criticism gets in the way, so we go it alone. So, don’t take failure as failure. It’s just ‘feedback’ to us that may be we need to do things differently. And we need to take responsibility to be at peace with what is happening. Sometimes it’s just a matter of finding another way.

Remember Edison and his ‘failures’.
Remember Michael Jordan his ‘failures’.
Remember Abraham Lincoln and his ‘failures’.
And remember that a breakthrough follows a breakdown.

Here’s a list some things to check when setting your goals…
* Being clear on the means goal and end goals.
E.g. You’re doing an MBA (means goal) to start and run your own business (End goal). The truth is that you don’t need an MBA to start a business. If your MBA goal doesn’t happen, your end goal of starting your own business doesn’t have to change. You just need to find a business mentor or a coach!
* Are you clear on the outcome? Do you know what it is going to be like when you achieve your goal?
Most of the time, we don’t achieve our goals because we don’t have a clear picture of what it’s like, so even thought we might already have, there is no sense of completion because we moved past it without realising that was what we worked for.
* Is the goal for me? (Meaning not because your parents, someone you love or the society wanted you to pursue that goal)
* Is it ecological?
* Is the goal “good for me, good for others and good for the greater good”?
* Is the goal deserving of me, my time and effort? Is the goal worthy of me?
We often ask am I good enough to get this goal or deserve the goal, but seldom think to ask the contrary.

Trust that’s been helpful for you, Nori. And God knows best!
Feel free to connect with me if you need further clarification.