Dear ‘Just A Really Shy Awkward People Pleaser’ :),

Assalaamu alaikum!

Please accept my sincere apologies for the delay in responding to you. I hope it’s not too late to share our advice.

I know what it feels like to be in that situation and I personally know how hard it is to say no. It’s particularly harder to do so when you’re in the middle of it all and people are relying on you.

However, when the reason why you’d like to say no stems from your beliefs/faith, I would advise you to follow your beliefs. If you need to do your research first, consult a scholar, etc., do so and then take action.

Yes, you’re likely to end up disappointing people, and it will be hard. Yet, allow the fact that what you’re doing is pleasing Allah (in sha Allah) be the inspiration for you.

“Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds – the Most Merciful will appoint for them affection” [Qur’an, Surah Maryam (19): Verse 96]. (http://quran.com/19/96)

The commentators of the Qur’an say that, if you draw your heart closer to Allah, then Allah will draw the hearts of the believers closer to you.

One saying goes, “If you displease Allah by pleasing the creation, then Allah will be displeased with you and will make the creation also displeased with you and if you please Allah by displeasing the creation, then Allah will be pleased with you and will also make the creation pleased with you.”

And another: “If you sacrifice something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it with something you couldn’t even imagine having.” — Shaykh Abdul Jabbar

So make lots of dua for Allah to help you, to make the situation easy for you, to grant you the tawfeeq to do the right thing, and to guide you to something better. May you truly attain that! Ameen.

I also wanted to share a particular dua I recently learned that would be relevant for you, in sha Allah:

“Allahumma alhimni rushdi wa a’idhni min sharri nafsi” (O Allah! Inspire in me guidance and deliver/save me from the evils within myself.) [Jami’ at-Tirmidhi] (http://www.sunnah.com/tirmidhi/48/114)

This dua really gives me the needed consolation when I encounter situations clashing with my beliefs such as the one you’re facing.

I truly hope this helps!

How do i really explain to them when im already halfway preparing for this upcoming event? Im so stressed thinking about it and ppl have helped me alot. Im a people pleaser tbh (why i couldn’t say no in the first place)

Should i just suck it up and get it over done with this event then quit? (Which is in like 6 more months) or should i just call it quits now?

Any advice will be much appreciated! Thank you!

Renegotiating your commitment is a natural part of life but it’s important that you do renegotiate them and not leave yourself indecisive about what to do next. My suggestion is to think long-term, what would be most beneficial for you and the organization in the long term? If you’re a normal volunteer, I’m sure they can train and find someone else. Having said that, being active in the community is also important, so you need to find the balance between focussing on your studies/work/family but volunteering from time to time to the dawah organisation and being “socially” productive. Hope this helps.

i meant right and left