Ahhhh the things you wish you could say out loud sometimes…

As much as we all have an innate need to belong, being part of a group, coupled with an expectation to work productively within the group’s difficult social politics and constraints, can be a ‘tough, rough, enough-is-enough’ challenge.

You remember, right…? 

Getting assigned to do the worst part of a group project.

Your very important role of being a ‘semi-still’ tree in the school play!

Coming up with the fun-est ideas ever for the yearly family vacation but instead being guilted into succumbing to the whole ‘majority rules’ thing. (I actually stopped typing to do the air quotes.)

It’s no different in the workplace. People from different backgrounds, opposite traits, and clashing principles suddenly find themselves required to work together in a group. It’s a lot like crewing a ship or casting a movie. The general public only sees the final show, but the real juicy drama happens behind the scenes. The employees’ manager becomes the ‘Greatest Showman’ orchestrating an array of different characters, and trying to bring out the best of each person’s potential on the platform.

As one of the group members, it’s crucial to understand the dynamics of what makes a team reach it’s peak performance levels, because the truth is, you’re only as strong as your team is.

Now since I’m the psychologist on call, I happen to have backstage access to all the ‘Top Box Offices’ (Nice pun, ha?)

Would you like to meet one of the most popular workplace casts?
Sure! Here’s your pass. Come this way:

1. The Hulk

I know…..

He seems a bit scary and intimidating, huffing and puffing in this dark and edgy room. He (or she) might be a co-worker, but they sure act like the boss. In fact, in a very weird way, they take on the role of their own boss’s boss!

Regardless of what the company handbook says, the Hulk (or Hulkette) will set his or her own rules, and expect everyone to follow them. They’re the Alphas; sharp, dominant, stubborn, impatient and viciously honest. People fear them and look up to them at the same time. The Hulk’s ‘getting-the-job’ methods can be brutal but let’s face it, they’re also effective.

Trait Bait: Be clear, direct, concise and straight with the Hulks.
This all sounds like a Thesaurus synonyms overload, but it also brings me to my next point:

Use the ‘Broken Record Technique’ and keep repeating your concern about their bossy/aggressive attitude in a formally proper way. Your consistent refusal to be treated as a doormat will eventually be taken seriously.

2. Pocahontas

“Listen with your heart, you will understand…”

Male or female, this character’s inability to tolerate conflict is legendary. They’ll dedicate most of their working hours to prevent social wars and will keep going back and forth between offices until they achieve peace and harmony. This one is the healer, the listener, the ‘you need to talk about your feelings and cry it out’ type of co-worker. They basically smooth out the emotional bumps in the workplace.

Trait Bait: You probably won’t have a problem with the people who live to prevent problems unless you’re the type that doesn’t understand why problems can happen which can in itself be a problem! Keep reading…

3. Inspector Gadget

The Perfectionists of the world fall into this category. For heaven’s sake, look at this office! It’s the classic portrayal of what OCD looks like. (We’re pretty sure the perfectionists call it CDO, it’s exactly like OCD but the letters are arranged in alphabetical order. You know, the way they ‘should be’). These people thrive on following the rulebook. They’re the best supervisors, planners, and organizers. They’re also very detail-oriented and a bit judgmental.

Trait Bait: Breaking the rules breaks something inside those people’s souls, leaving them paralyzed. Try giving the ‘Inspector Gadgets’ clear guidelines and well-thought-out plans. Don’t involve them in the innovation process. Instead, give them something to work on alone until the final plan has been hatched out and is ready for implementation. And never stop with the praising!

4. August Rush

The artist is in the building, people!
This one is so imaginative we need a new word for it! The August Rushes of the world are creative, passionate, curious and extremely unpredictable. They speak the language of the heart, which is why their ideas resonate with the audience. They’re popular amongst their peers and very friendly, but their constant search for freedom can actually cage them in an endless stressful struggle.

Trait Bait: No doubt they’re charming, but they’re also easily charmed. Compliments, encouragement, and praise go a long way with the artists. Speak softly from the heart and you’re good to go.

5. The Terminator

This type of employee is programmed to kill your spirit. He or she are critics at heart, they have an uncontrollable need to point out everything that’s wrong with the world. They like to make waves and probably have a Ph.D. in arguing. They will find a problem with every solution because in their eyes if it sounds too good to be true, it definitely is. You may benefit from knowing about filing a complaint against a co-worker if they are causing too much distress to you.

Trait Bait: The Terminators’ apparent negativity can actually help the team stand on solid, balanced, realistic grounds. They’ll find the loopholes, weakest links and be the devil’s advocate when you need one the most. Just let go of your need to win the debate and they’ll lose interest in provoking you soon enough.

6. Lord Of The Rings

Think of Gandalf the wizard; for this type is wise, highly intelligent, and is always up for mind-bending challenges. The wizards in the workplace have a strategic, intricate mentality. They uniquely pair both perfection and imagination, which makes them a rare asset to any team force. They are the ‘doers’. Give them a seemingly impossible crazy idea and they’ll work their magic into making it a successful reality.

Trait Bait: One downfall with this type is that they can be very full of themselves so try to look beyond their arrogance and don’t you dare praise them too much. Too many rules can weigh this type down. They need to be convinced with the logic behind each move so be patient because they’re the masters of ‘win-win’ scenarios.

7. The Gladiator

They’re in the field getting their hands muddy and the jobs done. This type is reserved, responsible, emotionally detached and usually excel at enforcing law and order. They do what they’re told and are not very intrigued by new ideas, innovations, or anything else that might threaten their comfort zone. This type works to put food on the table, that’s the main motivation for keeping them going.

Trait Bait: Again, don’t force them into participating in the inventive process or make them break the routine. Keep them busy doing what they know how to do, and keep the relationship formal. If they don’t want to hang out by the water cooler to socialize on lunch break, don’t take it personally. So let’s get out of this office and leave them be!

8. Scar Face

Are those blood stains on the wall?!

Confidently evil to say the least, Scarface will instigate hatred, fights and bitter competitiveness at the slightest chance he or she gets. They will lie, manipulate others and even trick or betray their colleagues if they have to.

They’ve probably suffered from a lot of injustice in their youths, so much so that they can’t help but spread the darkness they have inside.

Trait Bait: I don’t know if it’s realistic to ask you to understand their inner struggles, but either way, make sure you don’t let them drag you down. Think of their existence as a trial for your honor and morals and take it as a challenge to remain upright.

Like they say, what’s a fairytale without a dragon?

9. Mr. Bean

Remember in school, that one person in class who made you laugh till your stomach hurt? The Mr. and Mrs. Beans of the office are kind of like that, too. They have a knack for cracking jokes right in the middle of a crisis. They literally believe that laughter is the best medicine, and will make sure the workplace is a happy, fun environment. They’re warm, cheerful and very optimistic; they sure bring out the best out of each team member.

Trait Bait: The Problem with the Bean’s is they can be utterly unfocused sometimes, which can affect productivity. To balance that out, try to cultivate close relationships with them, and don’t stress too much on deadlines and workloads. Make sure you let them in and treat them like close friends because that’s when they calm down and get the job done.

10. Forrest Gump

We shouldn’t stay here for too long coz this type of employee doesn’t fancy socializing the least bit. The ‘Gumps’ are the introverts in the workplace, much like the lone wolves. They work alone. Eat alone. And pretty much keep to themselves. Many of them are absolutely brilliant, but their inability to mingle and blend in makes them put up concrete social walls that no one is allowed to break. They would rather have individual goals than work as a team.

Trait Bait: These people are prime targets for lazy colleagues who take advantage of their quietness and use it as a green light to dump more work on them. Careful coz when the lone wolves attack, there’s nowhere to run. So instead, respect their need for privacy and treat with kindness even if it’s not always reciprocated, know they’re smiling happily on the inside.

Alright, so this brings our backstage tour to an end. But before I go, let me pass on some of the wisdom that I’ve learned throughout the years of coaching people on how to live and let live. And these are the top three lessons:

1. People Respond To Perception Not Reality

We’re all different. We bring our different perspectives to the table. This diversity of background, cultures, beliefs… etc. is a constant reminder that none of us know what we don’t know! We need humility to be able to work together. We need to absorb that each and every one of us has a valuable life experience that can benefit the whole team. Think of how unalike Abu Bakr, Omar, Uthman and Ali were or how different Hamza, Musa’ab Belal and Salman the Persian were (may Allah be pleased with them all) yet they all worked together perfectly and brought the best out of each other!

So be curious about people’s way of thinking. It will only make you smarter and raise you higher in both the business world and in life in general.

2. Empathy Is Powerful

Whether you’ve been wronged or feel like someone did something wrong, before you approach that person, take a moment to remind yourself that maybe they feel like they’ve been wronged, too. Maybe they have their own set of troubles and inner struggles inside or outside the workplace. If you want to be the best team player there is, your only motivation for confrontation must be empathy. Give importance to making the team members feel important. You need to care about that human being in the cubicle next to you, not just their performance or contribution.

3. Nothing Happens In Isolation.

Alone or in a group, we still perform it the same way, yet prayer in congregation is much more beloved and highly rewarded by Allah [SWT].

Why do you think that is?

We’re social beings. A sense of unity and belonging is crucial to our well-being; it’s how Allah created us. In fact, one of the longest most profound studies done in Harvard over three generations, integrating brain scans, blood work, field research and psychological analysis, boils down its findings to this:

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.

Yes, you can have all the money, fame and success in the world, but without a strong support system, you’ll be beyond miserable.

The Prophet said, “A believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts enforce each other.” The Prophet then clasped his hands with the fingers interlaced (while saying that). [Bukhari]

You can’t make all people like you, but you can collaborate and learn from one another.

Allah says ” O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.” [Qur’an, Chapter 49, Verse 13]

I know I said the tour ended a long time ago and you guys are professionals, you probably have a lot on your plate, but I’m dying to include this last bit.

Things are hardly ever what they seem.

Your team might act like they want to put you down

Your boss may snap or overload you with work

You might feel awkward or unaccepted or even socially impaired

But remember….

Things are hardly ever what they seem…

We make assumptions mainly when we’re looking for things to confirm our beliefs. But the people you work can’t be put inside the frame of ‘what you choose to see’ or ‘what they choose to show’. Your coworkers have so many untold stories just like you do, and without curiosity, empathy and unity, we can never feel that sense of ‘belonging’ we’re all craving.

Being part of a team is like building a huge structure. It’s not about the intensity it’s about consistency. We work and fight for the same goal, all the while watching the love, trust and cooperation grow.

It won’t happen overnight.

You’re not going to see results the very next day or the very next week.

And I can’t really tell you exactly what day it will happen. But I promise you, it will….
Because things fall into place when you do the right thing….

Learning how to work with different personalities is something we constantly do throughout life, since no two people are the same. But part of becoming the best version of yourself depends on the way you treat others. Our upcoming retreat is the perfect opportunity to spend time with people from diverse backgrounds, learning the essential tools required to excel professionally, personally and spiritually.

By incorporating Islam and modern day science, our retreat is a tailor made, life changing experience to discover how you can become the best version of yourself. It is not to be missed. 

The post 10 Types Of Work Personalities & How to Deal with Them! appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

So naturally, your first reaction would be to set them straight. You’re a professional; you know how to handle tough situations, and you’re not gonna let anyone, be it a colleague, boss, client or even a friend, make you stoop down to their level. So you muster all your self-control and start typing with specialized, unbiased expertise…

Dear Sir/Ma’am

I apologize for the misunderstanding, but I do have a quick question that would help resolve the current problem in a timely manner: ARE YOU ALWAYS SUCH A MORON OR IS TODAY A SPECIAL OCCASION????

Why Can’t We ‘Cage’ The Rage?

I don’t want to cut us too much slack, but honestly, it’s a little bit understandable why it’s so easy to lose your temper in this ‘all-digital’ day and age. According to Mehrabian’s Theory, effective communication of emotions is only 7% related to the words used, 38% the tone of voice, and 55% body language.

Think about it.

A wife ends the conversation with ‘fine’ (a supposedly pleasant word) yet the husband will most probably get a bit scared! Why? Because the implied meaning of the word is totally different! There’s a great deal of intimidation in the way she glares at him, or the way she suddenly starts whisking the eggs so vigorously like she’s having a seizure. There’s so much you can tell from a person’s pitch, attitude, or facial expression.

And now, based on this breakdown, since it’s all in that 7 % of words used, a whopping 93% of the feelings conveyed in an email or text message are lost and can be completely misunderstood. Problems are bound to escalate when we start filling in those percentage blanks with assumptions, preconceived impressions, and dramatic sound effects!

We all do it on some level in real life, too. A driver cuts you off on the road, or a waiter brings you mashed potatoes instead of fries and you just hulk out on them while someone else might simply say ‘it’s no big deal’. The same thing that makes me angry could be something that you easily let slide by.  Why is that?

A friend might read the same angry email and say ‘give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they have a point’ and so in addition to being ‘over the rooftop furious’ you’re suddenly consumed with thoughts of finding a shovel to bury your friend in the backyard. Alive!

Now you know me. I’m the ‘Why’ girl. I need to know why things happen the way they do, and what goes on inside people’s heads. So naturally, I’m gonna take you back to basics; the inner core of human psychology.

This way, please….

Why Do We Get Angry?

I actually studied about anger in one of the ‘Psychologies’ and here’s the textbook definition of it:

“Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy human emotion that can also be very destructive.”

Except once you learn about the four types of anger, I think you’ll adjust the exactness of the above phrase a little bit, for anger erupts inside you like a volcano in times of:

1.  Integrity: A.K.A the most honorable type of anger, which is probably the only ‘healthy’ type, when we’re angered by injustice, oppression or a breach of trust or morality. Anger that has a beneficial goal is usually automatically controlled and directed towards the right purpose.
2. Fear: Yes you read that right. We get angry when a weakness is triggered and we’re afraid someone might see it, so we mask it with anger.
3. Pain: You could be sad, lonely, worried, hurt, frustrated or tired, yet use anger as a substitute emotion because the truth is, it feels better to be angry than to face emotional pain.
4. Insecurity: If anger makes us feel in control then we’ll never be motivated to control our anger. It’s sometimes used as a self-defense mechanism to regain power; or more accurately, the ‘illusion’ of power.

Fortunately, the first type of anger can be very productive, especially when it compels you to speak up against injustice or uphold your morals. An angry email dripping of discrimination or oppression is seldom something we can just let ‘slide by’. If that’s the case, then by all means, please be angry. Stand up for your beliefs, morals, rights and the rights of others. History proves that healthy anger has conquered racism, dictatorship, and abusive slavery.

But now the tricky part is, ‘Anger’ is the King of ‘Hide and Seek’; it’s so good at hiding your real emotions away and tricking you into seeking aggressive reactions instead. It’s not always a matter of ‘righteousness’; sometimes it’s plain ‘egotism’.

For example, you could immediately get enraged by a harsh-worded email from your boss because deep down perhaps you’re worried he’s implying you’re not good enough, and you unconsciously believe being infuriated is better for your ego than facing your fear. It makes you feel bigger and more in control of the situation. In other words, anger is triggered according to our own personality traits and self-esteem. A competitive person might get infuriated a lot easier in ‘win and lose’ incidents than someone who isn’t.

I could give you more examples, but you get what I’m trying to say, right? Sometimes the anger is a reflection of an inner problem, and our angry responses are just personal assessments of emotional situations, which is what psychologists refer to as ‘cognitive appraisals’.

You’re shaking your head, aren’t you? I know, it’s not enough…

The over-analytical psychopathology won’t help when you’re reading an angry message or email where the antagonism is so palpable and the ill-willed vibe is so vivid you could cut it with a knife! It’s usually involuntary, too, for the more you read, the more your nostrils flare up, your veins pop out and your blood boils like lava.

In that case, we obviously need a new game plan. Forget the ‘why’ for now and let’s look at the ‘how’.

How To Deal With Anger: The Right Way To Respond To The Wrong Words

Here are the golden rules. Memorize them. They’ll save you from a lot of very ugly scenes in the future, trust me!

1. Never reply to an angry message or email on the spot. Step away from the keyboard and take your time.
2. Can you breathe? If yes, then please take a few deep, cleansing breaths. If not, then proceed to step 3.
3. When anger reaches a certain boiling point, it’s too late to go back. So go take it out alone in a safe environment. Write your angry response down on a piece of paper. Go for a walk, punch an innocent pillow, scream or cry it out. Whatever works as long as it doesn’t harm you or anyone else.
4. Come back and read the email again. Check your emotions. Are you still angry? If the answer is yes, then please repeat step 3. Take all the time you need. That’s the good thing about digital interactions, there’s no rush, you can respond whenever it’s convenient for you.
5. Now that you have a clear mind, read the email again, being mindful of the ‘cognitive appraisals’ we’ve talked about earlier. Is it really so bad? Are you reading too much into it? If you’re still apprehensive about the whole thing, then cut down to the chase and request a face-to-face meeting or even a phone call. One of the main secrets to effective communication is sharing your feelings, and fulfilling the need to be heard and understood.
6. If some human interaction isn’t possible, then it’s time to get crafty with some basic psychology technique to dissolve people’s anger, called the ‘Positive Sandwich”:

a. Start your response on a positive note, validation of anger or an apology. “I understand why you’re frustrated. You have every right to feel that way….”

b. Explain your side as briefly as possible, without making your opinion sound like a given fact.

c. Don’t hit the ‘reply-all’ button until you’ve tried to resolve the matter privately first. It takes the heat off the ‘ego game’ and is certainly much more professional.

d. Always, always, ALWAYS end your message on a positive note. The ending is what we all remember the most; it’s what makes a good book, a good vacation or a good argument. Always end your email with a few pleasant words.

e. Proving you’re right isn’t all that satisfying if it costs you your peace. Look at the bigger picture, and try to reach a middle ground.

You know, science has proven time and time again that controlling your anger actually rewires your brain into becoming a better, more compassionate person. But let me first answer the final question that’s probably lingering in your mind now: “Doesn’t this make me a pushover?”

Ummmm definitely NOT! It makes you mature and wise and smart. It makes you a real professional. It builds you a solid ‘sterling’ reputation and it’s everything you need to invest in good, healthy, long-lasting relationships.

Responding to anger with more anger is like using fire to put out the fire, it doesn’t work. It will just keep on blazing and will eventually burn everything around you. We need empathy, compassion, maturity, and control. You need water to put out the fire of anger. But if you can’t do that, then at least don’t respond.

Ibn ‘Abbas reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Teach and make things easy and not difficult. When one of you is angry, he should be silent.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

Follow our beloved Prophet’s advice and stay silent when you’re mad. Sleep on it and wait for the storm to pass by. The fire won’t burn forever; it will eventually turn to ashes.

Deep down you already know that. It’s the ‘swallow your pride’ part that we all have problems with.

Just remember, rage will never make you extraordinary, but intelligent patience will.

Oh, it so always will….

The post How To Respond To Angry Emails: The Right Way To Respond To The Wrong Words appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Okay, change of plans.

Instead of focusing on how to gather up your energy to make the best out of the last third of Ramadan, let’s focus on how to absorb energy from the last 10 days of Ramadan to make the best out of the whole year!

What do you think, sounds good?

Don’t worry; this isn’t another cliché article on ‘How to Maintain the Ramadan Spirit’. I know your time is very precious so let’s get real….

Expectations Vs Reality

Many of us wonder how we can reach unprecedented spiritual levels in Ramadan, and yet scrape the bottom of the ‘sinning’ barrel for the rest of the year. Even though it’s become a yearly pattern, it remains completely unexplainable!

How is sincere worship during the holy month a common goal for us and yet it slips the minds of many for the rest of the year?

How do we find serenity and peace so easily in Ramadan, but lose our breaths chasing them outside of it?

Okay, let’s put it this way. Have you ever come across that little drawing of a tap pouring water into different pots and the riddle asks you to figure out which pot would fill up first?

You’d expect the top pot to fill up faster; since it’s closer to the tap. But as we take a closer look, we realize the real answer is actually the one with blocked holes, the pot that doesn’t dissipate water. Well, it’s the same with our lives too. Think of the year as twelve different pots, and while 11 are constantly emptying out the water being poured into them, only the Ramadan pot fills up, because, we try to seal its four cracks as much as we possibly could:

1. The Eyes: We guard them by lowering our gaze.

2. The Ears: We block them from listening to gossip and stuff.

3. The Tongue: We control what we say. Backbiting, sarcasm, lies, profanities, curse words… It’s the biggest crack of all actually, for sometimes one hurtful word can destroy someone’s whole world.

4. The Hands: We make sure we cause no harm to each other nor do we touch what’s not lawfully ours.

For the most part, like the 11 remaining pots, many of us feel empty inside until Ramadan arrives to fill us up. It’s not only because we seal the four cracks of the eyes, ears, tongue, and hands, but also because in Ramadan, we give our translators a chance to talk.

(Ummm yes you come with an exceptional, state of the art built-in translator. What, you didn’t know?!)

Listen To Your Heart

Your heart understands and sees things differently because it has a mind and a pair of eyes of its own. Your heart’s reasoning is very different from your brain’s way of thinking. It’s like a translator that speaks a unique language, giving you the keys to many closed doors.

You think I’m exaggerating, don’t you?

Would I lie to you?

In Ramadan?

After years of being your virtual friend?

Alright fine, here’s the undeniable proof:

Allah says

“So have they not traveled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to hear? For indeed, it is not eyes that are blinded, but blinded are the hearts which are within the breasts.” [Quran, Chapter 22: Verse 46]

Your heart is like a famous public figure, it has so much influence, it can completely turn your life around!

Prophet Muhammad says

“Beware! There is a piece of flesh in the body if it becomes good (reformed) the whole body becomes good but if it gets spoilt the whole body gets spoilt and that is the heart.” [Bukhari] 

So listen to it. Let your inner translator speak its mind.

Because when your eyes see the pages of the Qur’an, your heart sees the guidance.

When your eyes see the wealth, food and family, your heart sees the blessings in having them.

When your eyes see the obstacles, the hardships, and trials, your heart sees the meanings behind them.

And when your eyes see the month of Ramadan as being tiresome and difficult, your heart understands it’s a yearly Boot Camp. It’s the chance to start over, to charge up and shield ourselves from the sins that stain our hearts.

Listen to this:

“O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous” [Qur’an, Chapter 2: Verse183]

Shhhhhh did you hear that?

Someone just mumbled ‘We’ve been lectured about this ayah a thousand times! So much for cliché articles girl!’

Okay, who said that? It was you, wasn’t it?

Well, I must admit there’s a certain power in clichés and repetition. Sometimes you can read the same thing over and over and you know, nothing! Then you read it again and it suddenly hits you. Your heart finally speaks….

The Real Winners

Who do you think wins the race in Ramadan?

Those who read the most Qur’an or those who go out of their way to help others?

Those who pray all night or those who work all day?

Those who struggle to learn or those who teach with ease?

Well, the answer is really simple: the winners are the ones who do good from the heart…..

You know those articles we call ‘clichés’? Someone took the time to research ayahs and hadiths and then spent hours trying to frame the information as eloquently as possible, to remind themselves and the rest of us of Allah’s words.

These articles were written from the heart…

And the persistently recurring lectures about how to make the best out of Ramadan? Someone stepped out of their comfort zone, stood in front of a camera or an audience, to spread the message of Allah , hoping to be even one person’s wakeup call.

You know those lectures? They were spoken

from the heart….

And you being here, leaving everything behind to search for answers on how to fuel up for the last few days. You know this time you’re spending reading this article. That’s time spent from the heart.

You know this panic? This guilt? This need to seize the opportunity to ‘become righteous’?

That’s a feeling Allah put in your heart because He loves you. Because He’s more Merciful to His slavess than a tender mother is towards her only child.

Even the people who have gone astray, Allah waits for them to come back. And He’s more pleased with the repentance of His slave than one of you who unexpectedly finds his lost camel in the desert [Bukhari and Muslim]

I mean, imagine a life without the month of Ramadan where all our past sins are forgiven? Imagine a world without the Holy Qur’an, where Allah literally talks to us, telling us over and over, that no matter how many mistakes we make and sins we fall into, He will always be Compassionate and Forgiving when we ask Him?

Imagine a world where no one cares about you. No one cares to slowly bring you back to the straight path. No one bothers to help you heal your aching heart or even listen to what you have to say.

Imagine a world where the Divine commands were straightforwardly given to us, like a set of instructions in a manual. Or where guidance and advice is cast upon us harshly like rocks knocking us down.

You know what would happen? No matter how beneficial the loveless reminders are, we’d build walls against them.

Love is the essence of Islam.

When your heart is filled with love, it’s almost impossible to enjoy anything without sharing it with your loved ones.

It’s almost impossible to find pure pleasure in a sin because your love for your Creator will fill your soul with sorrow.

Love makes it easier to forgive. It makes you find bliss in caring for others, in building them up even when you feel broken inside.

The Messenger of Allah [saw] said,

“By Him in Whose Hand my soul is! You will not enter Jannah until you believe, and you shall not believe until you love one another….” [Muslim]

I think we tend to separate our religion from our lifestyle. Then struggle with this tug-o-war between spirituality and worship on one side and practicality and daily needs on the other. We forget that the Qur’an was sent down to fix this life we’re living right now, as well as our hereafter. It was sent to fill our minds with answers, our hearts with love and our souls with peace.

Alright here’s a pop quiz: Do you know why the devils are tied up in Ramadan? Because they keep trying to harden your hearts with whispers of doubts, anger, and selfishness.

They try to mute your inner translator and get it sick with temptations, laziness, and jealousy.

But in Ramadan, this self-discipline pours into your self-esteem and so you fill your pot with spiritual achievements. You’re free to dream of your future self; that role model inside of you that you’re yet to become.

You owe it to yourself to charge up your heart and invest in your relationship with Allah , with your loved ones and with yourself

And if you haven’t yet, there’s still time

You deserve this chance to start anew

Just open your heart and listen….

The post Are You Charged Up for the Last 10 Nights Yet? Here’s How To Master Your Mind in Ramadan – Part 3 appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Seriously, you should pat yourself on the back. Those first few days of fasting in Ramadan couldn’t have been easy (especially if you haven’t been introduced to the ‘Letting Go’ technique and had to fast the ‘old-fashioned’ way, oh dear Lord, then pat yourself twice!).

Anyway, here we are closing in on the second third of the Holy month. It’s usually a bit of an awkward phase; where we’ve kind of gotten over the novelty of Ramadan and the rush that comes with its arrival, and we haven’t quite charged up again for the ultimate ‘Night Of Qadr’ treasure hunt. Now, we’re stuck in the middle, watching our ‘worship stamina’ drop like a zeroed-out bank account. A phase that is otherwise known as the ‘Mid Ramadan Slump’. See? It even has a name and all, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how we know we’re not alone in this.

Now don’t feel so bad or throw in the towel yet, coz specialists have carefully diagnosed the problem and look, they’ve come up with amazing solutions!

The Slump Syndrome

Every year, many of us make a fist, squint our eyes and vow we’re going to kill it this Ramadan. Except the only thing that dies by day 10 is our own motivation to do better, right? In medical terms (I’m putting on my white coat as we speak) this slump is called a mid-Ramadan disorder, and here are the most observed symptoms:

• Old habits of binging on TV shows and social media creep back in
• We judge and beat ourselves up for not feeling the sanctity of Ramadan like we should.
• Taraweeh prayer lines at the mosque start shrinking.
• Skimping off on daily Qur’an reading becomes more prevalent.
• Sohoor and night-time outings make their debut
• A general lack of motivation clouds our living space as many of us turn into walking zombies staring at the clock.
• And finally, for some reason, almost all moms run out of recipes and menu ideas for Iftar by mid-month!

Causes of The ‘Slump’ Syndrome

I’m looking at the report now and the only cause I see so far is that we’re human! Our hearts are changeable and our minds are easily distracted. We can have all the best intentions, yet forget to stay consistent with the action. We get our ups and downs and then we plateau, and you know what, that’s okay! So without further ado, let’s discuss the surgical, oops I mean, action plan.

Treatment of the ‘Slump’ Syndrome

Have you ever encountered one of those people who think they’re totally invincible? They’d look like a total mess, with their noses dripping, eyes drooping and they’re literally sneezing all over the place, but would never admit they have the flu. They’d keep getting worse and worse, yet still yell out ‘I’m not sick!’. How can we ever fix what we refuse to own up to? How will we heal what we refuse to feel?

The first step to getting out of the slump is to accept you’re in one. Stop denying it or rationalizing it or blocking it out. You’re ‘slumping out’ and that’s okay, it happens. And now that you’ve acknowledged you’re human and therefore not ‘invincible’ or immune to spiritual tumbling, let’s see what we can do about it.

Since there are many different ways to get out of the slump, please give me a minute to shoo away all the conventional methods out of my mind before we proceed, coz seriously, we both wouldn’t be here if any of those methods had proven to be effective!

Okay good. Now let’s talk: ‘practical-realism’.

Can we fast, read Qur’an and pray every day for a whole month?

Can we do 30 consecutive good deeds from the heart?

Can we wake up for Fajr, and pray Isha in congregation all month?

Can we physically abstain from sins and curb our desires all Ramadan?

As a matter of fact, you’re created with the stamina to withstand all the above and more for way longer than a month. Your physical body can do it no problem. It’s your mind that needs convincing. We can if we tell ourselves we can. And we can’t if we tell ourselves we can’t.

And since this series is all about the ‘How To’s’, let me show you how, coz it’s really S.U.P.E.R!

1. Surrender

That’s right. Surrender to and accept the humbling experience of the slump. Even the best, most self-disciplined people struggle with their ‘Nafs’ more often than they’d like to admit. No one has reached a ‘constant excellence’ level and no one will. That’s the whole point of the test. Be patient with yourself and remember you’re rewarded for both your wins and your struggles.

2. Upgrade

Be mindful of your status and simply upgrade it. For example, if you catch yourself wandering off into ‘un-spiritual and/or unproductive territory for too long, like say on YouTube, try browsing for an Islamic lecture by your favorite scholar instead. (Ahem Nouman Ali Khan!). Try substituting a video game for one of them Islamic trivia. Those are just random ideas though. You know your life better than I do, and you sure know what works best when it comes to your personal challenges.

3. Pace Yourself

You already feel down in a slump and one of the ways you bring yourself ‘down-er’ is to compare your pace to others: “I’m still on page 37 and ‘I don’t know who’ has already finished reading the whole Qur’an… twice!”.

This month is about YOU, not what society expects of you. It’s about your intentions and what you’re capable of doing. So pace yourself and don’t overload it with unrealistic expectations because the Prophet says:

“Do those deeds which you can do easily, as Allah will not get tired (of giving rewards) till you get bored and tired (of performing religious deeds)”
The most beloved prayer to the Prophet (PBUH) was the one that was done regularly (throughout the life) even if it were little. [Bukhari] 

4. Empower

I hear you! The slump strikes on an important chord too; the guilt. It’s only one month out of the whole year, and we should be able to make the most of it. You’re right. So as a bonus move, whenever you can, let that inner coach do the famous empowering pep talk that makes you want to push through all your constraints. The one that reminds you how ‘every second counts’ and ‘it’ll all be worth it’ and how ‘for every minute you waste, someone else is working hard’. Because while it is about the pace, it’s also about the race like how Allah describes it: 

“Race toward forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden whose width is like the width of the heavens and earth, prepared for those who believed in Allah and His messengers…..” [Qur’an, Chapter 57, Verse 21]

Except it’s a unique type of race. A race with yourself to outrun who you were to reach the person you can be. And perhaps you being here, reading about how to overcome the slump is actually you getting your own personal head start to win the race. (It’s possible, right?)

5. Reconnect

You can pray and read Qur’an day and night, but if your heart is not in it, does it really count? (I don’t know, I’m actually asking)

Well maybe it does, but that’s not the essence of this month and certainly not the principle of our beautiful religion. It’s all in the heart… That’s what my mom always tells me. ‘Work on your heart and the rest will follow’.

Every time you feel you’re drifting far away from Allah , reconnect. Feel it in your heart and it will automatically reflect on everything else.

Reconnect with the Qur’an. Hold it like a cherished gift. A guide. A savior.

Reconnect with Allah every time your forehead touches the ground in Sujoud.

Reconnect your heart. And if you haven’t at all yet, then start today.

Start doing dhikr for even 10 minutes before you sleep.

Start adding sunnah or night prayers even if only two Raka’as.

Start reading Qur’an even if it’s only one page a day.

Start making dua’… even when you don’t know what to say…

Just reach out…..

To the One who says ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you’ [Qur’an, Chapter 40: Verse 60]

We ask You our Merciful Allah

Don’t let our minds be occupied with worrying about the unknown

Don’t let our hearts be attached to those who don’t care

Don’t let us spend our most precious time on what doesn’t serve us right

And don’t let our souls wander off from your path on such blessed days and sacred nights

Oh Allah be with us and make us stronger

This beautiful Holy month is your chance to reconnect. It’s your chance to quench your soul’s thirst and recharge for another busy year, in sha’Allah.

And even if you don’t feel it in your heart right away, be patient with yourself. It’s like medicine: you can’t expect it to work like magic. It takes time and consistency, and maybe that’s why many of us don’t feel or see the results until the last third of Ramadan.

Oh, there’s a huge secret you need to know about the last third….

What? No I can’t tell you now. There’s only space to say two more words: Stay Tuned.

Have you ever experienced a mid-Ramadan slump? What were your techniques to get out of this phase? Tell us in the comments. 

The post Are You Slumped Out Yet? Here’s How to Master Your Mind in Ramadan – Part 2 appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

With all the freaking out about fasting, you’ll probably think the answer is: food.

Since food puts you in a good mood and generally determines your attitude (whoops that rhymed!) Food has power over you since it gives you energy, makes you more productive and, therefore, can transform you into a better person, right?

Umm no, that’s just the abstinence talking. Actually, the single force controlling the quality of your life is: your ‘Power to Choose’.

Think about it. You choose what to eat and what time to sleep and your choice certainly reflects either positively or negatively on your body and health. You choose what to wear, and it affects how people see or even treat you. The friends you choose to hang out with will determine which path in life you’ll most likely take.

Everything in life is a choice.

You can choose whether you want to learn something from this article or go play candy crush. You can choose to study for that upcoming test or choose to think about all the things you’d rather do instead of studying. You can choose to eat that salted caramel brownie or choose to cut back on sugar and give ‘Kale smoothies’ a try! (Yes, some people do that voluntarily if you’d like to know).

We’re always opting for something over something else. Whether we know it or not, everything in our life is a mere result of a decision we’ve made or didn’t make. That said, we can’t help but wonder how sometimes life events, conditions and obligations back us up into the corner of having no other choice.

Like in Ramadan for example….

The Choices We Don’t Make In Ramadan

Yeah we know, no one is ‘forcing’ us to fast or anything, but as Muslims, we all agree we MUST do it. And as much as the Holy month’s vibe is so serene and spiritual, many of us suffer in different ways for 30 days straight. We withstand a great deal of pain and when it’s still noon and our throats are as dry as the Sahara, it doesn’t really feel like there’s any ‘power’ in our ‘choice’.

I’ve always wondered about people who get so excited about Ramadan they start doing cartwheels. I mean what’s their secret? Do they have magical “food-resisting” powers? Do they not need a caffeine shot in the morning to function properly? Can they really actually go waterless all day and still talk and smile and be civilized?

I used to be one of those people who simply “played dead” in Ramadan. I’d wake up really cranky and basically tried to minimize communication with the human species as much as possible. Especially in the summer, when it reaches up to 40 degrees at times. The day is SO long and I’d wake up parched and in extreme pain. Ugh, those splitting headaches before and after iftar. I seriously had to hold my head so it doesn’t split into two halves and fall on the ground. I spent years and years thinking “fasting” was synonymous with “suffering”. I think many of us were raised to believe that part of being “believers” is to endure pain silently and that’s ultimately part of the reward we get for fasting. And then I’d start feeling sorry for the cartwheel people. If they love fasting and are not suffering like the rest of us then they’re probably not getting rewarded as much, right?

Well, it turns out there’s a whole different perspective we’ve been absolutely blinded to!

But, instead of whining about how it took SO long for me to discover it, (no I mean REALLY long) I’m just gonna go ahead and share it as “drama-less-ly” as possible.

Ready?

Secret Workings of The Mind

You’d think with all the hype about ‘positive thinking’, people would have gotten the concept down by now. I mean, how hard could it be? Simply eliminate the negative thoughts and feed your brain with positive ones. Just remind yourself of all the benefits of fasting. Focus on how you’re detoxifying your body, strengthening your mind and purifying your soul. But it’s not as easy as it sounds, is it? In fact, it’s easier to bring yourself down than it ever is to lift yourself up, because it only takes one negative thought.

Only one thought can make you angry.

Only one thought can make you scared, lonely, sad or anxious.

The truth is, your brain is not designed to make you happy, it’s designed to make you survive.

So in the first few days of fasting when you change your eating habits, your brain is like ‘What’s going on here?’ Even though we probably eat MORE in Ramadan (oh don’t lie to me! I know about your ‘Baklava’ plans) the decrease in meal frequency and the jumbling up of daily routines throws the brain off.

It’s not the hunger or thirst or even lack of sleep that’s the problem, it’s the glitch in the system we’ve been primed and trained to accept as the ultimate reality.

Because the brain has bought into a certain daily routine for 11 months, changing it suddenly sends threatening signals to our nervous system and so the brain acts up in its struggle to survive. Hence the headaches, the nervousness, and feeling like we’ve been tipped completely off balance.  

Some people will take a couple of hours to adjust and others will take weeks. The difference between both groups is in their ‘power of choice’. It’s in the meaning they choose to give to the whole process of change.

You have a choice to believe into your limiting beliefs that fasting drains your energy, or transcend to the mindset of ‘I can do this. This is good for me. It’s easier than I thought.’

You have a choice to use Ramadan as an excuse not to work as hard, or use all the extra time you have during the day to accomplish more than usual.

In the end, it’s really your choice whether you want to believe that fasting in the Holy month borders on unendurable, or whether you want to believe Allah when He says:

“But to fast is best for you, if you only knew.” [Qur’an, Chapter 2: Verse 184]

It’s all in your head and it’s your choice to keep it there or not.

The panic isn’t real and the suffering won’t manifest if you don’t let it. All you need is a new perspective and it’s available to all of us through a very effortless technique. The transition can happen painlessly and smoothly; you won’t even have to worry about the adjustment period. You’ll truly experience the peaceful serenity of the Holy month and you’ll kick yourself forever accusing it of being a source of anxiety. Of course, like many people I resisted this idea like no tomorrow. I was skeptical for years until the secret was uncovered. And it works you guys, it really does. And you gotta trust me on this because I’m one of those people who simply detest clichés, textbook advice and all the pragmatic logic that doesn’t necessarily apply in real life.

One of those is the theory that ignores realism and urges you to ‘think positive’ because your thoughts affect your feelings. Well, it’s not true. Our thoughts don’t affect our feelings; it’s actually the other way around…

The Truth About Thoughts

A couple of weeks ago, we were out for a picnic and a cat comes out of nowhere to cuddle beside us. My friend jumped up like a waffle out of a toaster while I gushed over it. Our inner emotions are the cause of our many different reactions. You see, I love cats no matter what cat breeds they are. But she doesn’t like them. It’s not the facts that affect us; it’s our feelings about them. I’ve decided to buy a battery powered cat fountain for my room.

So when Ramadan approaches, our apprehensive thoughts about fasting, sleep, work, worship and everything else are triggered by how we feel about the whole month. It’s activated by the fear we harbor inside, namely the fear of change. Overcome this fear once and for all, you’ll never have it or suffer from it again ever.

Here’s how….

The Letting Go Technique:

1. Scared, worried, anxious or even angry, whatever you’re feeling is completely okay, as long as you acknowledge it. You must start from where you are if you want to get to where you’re going and that can only happen when you feel your feelings. Take a minute to surrender to the fear and don’t resist it.
2. You might be thirsty, lose sleep, and/or get a headache. You’ll soon realize that whatever happens will happen either way. Don’t drain yourself trying to block it. Open the door and let it go through you. Within 20 minutes maximum, the headache, hunger, thirst or anxiety will be completely gone. Once the accumulated ugly energy behind each feeling dissipates, you’ll see how you can handle anything that comes your way.
3. Here’s the weird part: Even though we look for answers and solutions, there’s a creepy satisfaction in holding on to suffering and pain. Not being able to admit that out loud doesn’t change the fact it’s true. Sometimes we feel safer holding on to negative emotions because, without them, we’re not sure what to feel. We forget that ‘anxiety’ pretends to be useful when in reality it serves no purpose whatsoever. And perhaps this is one of the lessons we learn in Ramadan, for there’s much more satisfaction in the silence, space, and the emptiness…. There’s absolute peace.   
4. Especially in Ramadan, from the moment we open our eyes to the moment we go to sleep, we’re always stressing about time. “How many hours till Iftar? How many hours till Fajr? If I turn in now, how many hours of sleep will I get?”. It’s high time you let go of your obsession with time. “Patience isn’t the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” Don’t try to kill time. Use it. Lose yourself in whatever task you’re doing and stop staring at the clock. A watched pot never boils! I’m not going to tell you to do the basics and the ‘musts’ like reading Qur’an and doing ‘dhikr’ because you already know it all.

There’s so much to look forward to during the Holy month. That superpower we suddenly get to stand for hours to pray.

The family gatherings and the heart fluttering that comes with every single Maghreb prayer.

How we feel so blessed reciting Qur’an at night and so cleansed when fasting in the morning.

When you think of it, it’s hard to panic when you know someone has your back. There’s no space for anxiety when you’re sure you’re safe and in good hands.

This inner feeling of joy is all from Allah , it’s a gift bestowed on those who ask for it.

The question is, what is your opinion of Allah ? Do you think He wants you to dread the Holy month? Or do you trust in Him that He’ll make it smooth and easy once you stop resisting His will?

Whatever your answer is, that’s the inner feeling that’s controlling you. And I hope it’s true faith in Allah’s mercy.

Because seriously, you need to try experiencing Ramadan for what it really is….

It’s a breath of fresh air for your tired soul…
It’s the safe haven you’ve been seeking all year long

It’s just… a bundle of blessings and joy.
So let go this year… and see what happens…

The post Are You Panicking Yet? Here is How to Master Your Mind in Ramadan appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

We’re always one decision away from a totally different life. Decision-making is literally the force that shapes our destiny. Even if you totally believe in Predestination (Qadar) and in Allah’s will, there will always be a little annoying voice whispering in your ears saying “If only….”

“If only I had started earlier….”
“If only I had tried harder…..”
“If only I hadn’t pushed him away..”
“If only I had listened to my parents…”

We tend to immerse into an ‘unreal’ past when things go wrong. And the more “if only’s” we accumulate along the way, the harder it gets to trust our own reasoning. Some of us are so traumatized; we’re petrified of making the wrong decision. Instead, we completely freeze and let ‘life events’ take their course. Except the funny thing is, we forget that hesitancy, avoidance, pausing and refusing to make a decision is also a decision, and a terrible one, too! (So frankly, the joke is on us).

Psychologists are trained to be mindful of patterns before they can help change them. During our sessions, I note down how many times my patients say the words “I don’t know” when faced with an option. It’s not that they’re clueless or oblivious to their own needs, it’s rather because they fall into one of the following indecision traps.

The TOP 3 Hesitancy Traps

1. Tendencies:

Decision-making is stressful. And that’s extremely unfortunate because when we’re stressed out, we can’t do the one thing we need to do; think outside the ‘familiar’ box. We fall back into our old habits to avoid rocking the boat. “Just keep everything as it is and don’t explore or try anything new” Our brains level with us when we’re anxious. The overwhelming fear of leaving the comfort zone becomes one of the main reasons behind our indecisiveness, hesitancy and/or stagnation.

2. Over-choice

Try asking a teen what he or she wants to be when they grow up, and then watch them get a meltdown faster than a snowman on a heating duct. Every minute of every day we’re bombarded with too much information.
There are too many websites, channels and apps to choose from.
Too many stores, services, and multifunctional products.
The alternatives have become endless; it’s paralyzing our brains.
And we can’t help but think choosing one option means missing out on something better. Even when it comes to the simplest things, like ice cream! Do you know how many flavors of ice cream exist in the world today? Over 1000 ‘very-hard-to-choose-from’ different flavors! By the time you’re done trying them all, you’ll be too old to eat ice cream.
The more options there are, the easier it is to regret anything at all that is disappointing about the one you chose. It’s one viciously vicious circle!

3. Perfection

“Perfection prevents action’. I’m not sure who said those words, but they’re my go-to reminder when my daughter tries a new recipe and makes a huge mess in the kitchen. Even though the notion of ‘having it all’ is completely unrealistic, we unconsciously seek it when making a decision, because in this day and age of super technology and endless choices; our expectations are constantly escalating.
How many times did you scroll down to read the worst reviews before deciding on which hotel to stay at?
How long have you waited to start your ‘dream project’ because the circumstances weren’t ideal?
How many proposals do most girls refuse because they’re waiting for ‘Mr. Perfect’?
We hold back waiting for signs, for the right time, for someone to make the first move, for when we’re ready and 100% sure….
But sometimes we wait too long, for things that are never meant to be.
We can’t decide simply because anything is possible to the extent that ‘perfection’ isn’t an illusion anymore; it sounds so real.
There’s a big chance many don’t attempt to succeed because, with all these different choices and available resources, there’s no excuse for failure.

And that’s the toughest trap of all….

The Collision Of Bad Decisions

Seriously, where do awful decisions come from?
We’re educated, wise, experienced and we have access to almost all the information we need. The ‘hesitancy dilemma’ aside, we should be aware of the ideal solution or at least the process of reaching it. What is it that prevents us from making the correct decisions?

According to scientific analysis and popular social researchers, these are the main culprits behind our worst choices:

1. Overconfidence

You choose ‘impossible-to-stick-to’ plans because you believe you’re invincible.
You choose to get into ‘dead-end’ relationships because you’re positive you can change people into what you want them to be. (Yeah, right!)
You think you aced a test and then get the ‘Huh?’effect when you get a B minus.
Sometimes because we’re more confident than correct, we subtly decide to overestimate our abilities, and eventually sabotage our own decision-making skills.

2. Belief Perseverance

This is when you stick to your beliefs despite new information that firmly contradicts it.
You’re convinced a coworker isn’t smart or competent. And you stick to your judgment even when that person outsmarts or gets promoted above you.
Or when you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t right for you. Even when everyone says you deserve to be treated better, you continue to believe it will work out.
This is what I simply call ‘The decision to stick to the wrong decision even when the right decision punches you in the face.’

3. Confirmation Bias

Let’s say for some reason you think ‘Range Rovers’ are the kings of all vehicles. Whatever you believe, you’ll make sure to feed it with confirming facts, and if you do happen to stumble on any information to the contrary, you’ll completely ignore it as if it didn’t exist.
We all live in an implicit ‘Bias Bubble’ that influences our decisions. Whether or not we mean for them to do so, such biases keep us from being objective when faced with options.

However, this bias can limit your exposure to other potentially better or more cost-effective options. By only considering products from Seat Covers Unlimited, you might miss out on other brands that offer equally high-quality or even superior seat covers at a better price. It’s essential to recognize that our preferences and biases often guide our decisions, even when it comes to something as straightforward as car seat covers. By being aware of this, you can make more informed and objective choices, ensuring you get the best value and performance for your vehicle.

When it comes to making significant decisions, such as selling your car, our biases can also play a role. For instance, if you have a preferred dealership or a preconceived notion about where to sell, it might limit your options and affect your judgment. When you search for Buy My Car Southampton, you might find that dealerships offering free valuation services provide a more objective assessment of your vehicle’s worth, helping you avoid the pitfalls of biased decisions. Being open to various dealerships and their free valuation services can lead to a more informed sale and potentially better financial outcomes.

Similarly, when it comes to securing the best deal for your vehicle, our biases can influence our choices. If you’re drawn to familiar dealerships or specific online platforms, you might overlook potentially better options that could offer a more favorable deal. This is particularly relevant when dealing with classic car deals, where the uniqueness and condition of the vehicle can vary greatly. By broadening your search and considering a variety of sources, you can uncover more competitive offers and ensure you’re not missing out on a deal that better suits your needs.

The 7 Ultimate Secrets Behind Good Decisions

Honestly, there’s no definitive guideline called ‘How To Make The Perfect Decision’.
People are different and that’s just how it is.
Some are logical; they’ll follow textbook advice, writing down pros and cons, trying to calculate the percentages of unforeseen risks before making the final decision.
Some are illogical; they’ll act without thinking or think without acting and then say everything happens for a reason (even if the reason is they make horrible decisions)
I can go on and on, and that’s why a ‘step-by-step’ method would never work for everyone. Instead, I’d rather focus on the common threads that apply to all types of people.

1. Realize The Difference Between Reactions and Decisions

My best friend always says: ‘Never make a decision on an extreme feeling’.
The process of making big choices is stressful enough; so don’t let your emotions fog your vision. Practice the pause and take all the time you need.

2. Choices Through Elimination

You probably unconsciously do this one all the time. In multiple-choice questions, you’ll pick one answer coz the others don’t look quite right. You’ll settle for this appointment timing coz all the others don’t fit your schedule. When faced with a number of options, narrow them down to the ‘Top Three’ that make the most sense to you. It’s good to be realistic, but it’s even better to be creative, so try to at least pick one ‘sane’ option you’ve never tried before. (Okay fine, you can do the textbook pros and cons too here if you really want to).

3. Trust Your Gut Feeling

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT ‘follow your heart’ when making an important decision. The heart can be a blithering idiot, especially when blinded by love, anger or fear. Letting a blind person take the driving wheel on a highway is probably not the greatest decision. Emotions are inconsistent and that’s why most emotional people are not dependable (why was that so hard to admit?).
The brain uses a combination of logic and emotions when forming a decision. It’s what we call ‘intuition’ or ‘gut feeling’. Yeah, follow that one. It’s real. And it’s there for a reason.

4. Consult The Experts

If you’re starting a new business, talk to someone who’s done it before. If you’re considering moving, learning something new, or even redecorating, go to the best and learn from their experiences. Consultation helps you utilize other people’s knowledge in the most efficient way (it’s what we call ‘Shura’ in Islam). There’s nothing you want to accomplish that someone else hasn’t already accomplished. There’s nothing you want to overcome that someone else hasn’t already overcome. And if you don’t have some wise minds in your circle, it’s probably time you find a new circle!

5. Look At The Bigger Picture

What’s important to you? Does your decision clash with your beliefs? Does it unjustly affect or hurt someone else? Is it fair, kind, realistic and reasonable? Big decisions that lack meaning will not take you too far. Give your decision a positive purpose. I think this is one of the ultimate secrets only a few give weight to.

6. Ask Allah for Guidance

There’s glory in involving Allah in our daily lives, our inner struggles, and uncertainties. There’s peace and power and an indescribable serenity when you lay your options before your Lord and humbly ask Him to choose what’s best for you. And there’s a specifically beautiful way to do in Islam.

On the authority of Jaabir Ibn ‘Abdullah, he said:

“The Prophet (peace be upon him) would instruct us to pray for guidance in all of our concerns, just as he would teach us a chapter from the Qur’an. He would say ‘if any of you intends to undertake a matter then let him pray two supererogatory units (two rak’ah naafilah) of prayer and after which he should supplicate:

“O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge,
And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings.
You are capable and I am not.
You know and I do not and You know the unseen.
O Allah! If You know that this is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter, then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get,
And then bless me in it, and if You know that this is harmful to me in my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter, then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, and make me satisfied with it”. The Prophet added that then the person should name his need”. [Sahih al-Bukhari]

7. Implementation Is Key

The best way to make a decision is to actually make it.
Stop putting it off.
Don’t let the waiting become an avoidance because it will only get worse the longer you wait.

Our Lord says:
“And when you have decided then rely upon Allah. Indeed Allah loves those who rely upon Him” [Qur’an: Chapter 3: Verse 159]

Once you’ve made the decision, there must be no regrets. Because even if it’s incorrect, you’ll always learn something and apply it the next time you’re in a similar situation. So don’t look back. Do your best and trust in Allah .

Final Thought….

I truly hope you now know how our brains work and will remember those tips, traps, and biases the next time you make an important decision. But I just can’t bring myself to leave without telling you this one last thing….

If there’s one truth you’ll take out of this writing, is that while everything is possible, it’s not possible to have everything. Yes, freedom of choice is liberating, but having too much freedom and too many choices is actually crippling and restraining.

Psychologist and Professor of Social Theory, Dr. Barry Schwartz sums it up perfectly in his book ‘The Paradox of Choice’. He says,

“When everything is possible, you increase paralysis and decrease satisfaction”

Allah gives us the freedom to believe or disbelieve, but once we make that decision, the options are artfully limited.
There are five pillars to adhere to, a set of clear ‘halal’ and ‘haram’ to abide by, a specific way to do certain things and a preferred way to do others. There’s a right way and a wrong way and a foundation for each rule, which, if you think about it, makes decisions that much simpler. Because Allah loves us and knows our psychological makeup, He didn’t let us lose ourselves trying to decide our own moral, sexual orientation or gender.
He has given us the exact amount of autonomy we can handle…
The exact amount of freedom that will preserve our joy.
Because when your whole life’s purpose is clear, the choices become easier.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, every day is an opportunity to transform yourself into a better person and a better Muslim.
Make that decision and stick to it. Every day.
Every single day.

Now a question to you, dear reader: What was a wrong choice that actually brought you to the right place? And what was a wrong decision that taught you a lifelong lesson?

The post Do You Find it Difficult to Make a Decision? Here Are 7 Powerful Secrets about Ultimate Decision Making appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Chapter Thirteen

“And then what happened?” Joe asked the next day at school.

“Whatcha think? I called the cops!” I said.

Alex froze when he saw me, but his drop-out-loser brother Jeff grabbed him and ran for it, so did the third guy. I tried to catch them but they jumped into a car and almost ran me over.

They got arrested two hours later. Man, that felt good! Let them rot in jail for all I care.

“What about the money?” Joe was still in shock.

“I’ll get it back once the investigation is over I’m sure. But that might take a while” I replied.

“You’re good man. You really pulled this off. You look like he#@ though!” Joe said.

“I’m so beat I don’t remember the last time I closed my eyes. Third grade was it?” I half-joked.

“Does anyone know about this yet?” Joe wondered while we walked to swimming class.

‘No, but I’m gonna go to the scout council and tell the truth; see what they say!”

18 laps later, swimming practice was finally almost over. I was struggling between two massive extremes of wanting this day to end and wanting time to pause so I don’t have to face my family.

Four hours to go, and no cookies to sell.

Now would be a good time for Tanya to be swallowed by an alien from outer space.

Just sayin’.

I was suddenly curious about her sales, not that it mattered though. I looked for Timmy boy before going back to the locker rooms. He probably keeps track of every girl scouts’ sales, including the names of their customers, their phone numbers, addresses and shoe sizes!

I couldn’t find him, which probably meant the coach made him stay behind and do 10 extra lapses to help build his upper body.

Poor Timmy boy; Even teachers pick on him.

I heard a splashing sound and my heart stopped for a sec. I ran to the pool area and had to rub my eyes to make sure what I was seeing was real.

Someone was still in the pool, sinking to the bottom of it, almost motionless. OH MY GOD! It’s Timmy boy!

I jumped into the water and fished him out.

No wonder no one noticed him drowning. He’s so small he could fit right in my back pocket.

I called for help and pressed both palms on his chest to pump the water out. I’ve seen it done in movies. Or do they press on the stomach?

I had no idea what I was doing. I’ve seen them do the mouth-to-mouth breathing thing, too. I might try that next and by ‘might’ I mean find him a grave coz no way in HE#@!

Timmy boy was coughing out water by the time paramedics came in and then his parents arrived shortly after that.

Wow!

Was that really Timmy boy’s dad? He looked like one of those hotshot businessmen in $5000 dollar suits.

And his mom… Like one of those uptight ladies in the Congress or something!

“He must have flexed his foot wrong and got a cramp. His vitals are stable and there seems to be no reason to worry, thanks to this young man over there. He saved your son’s life!” The paramedic said, pointing at me.

Timmy boy was shipped into an ambulance. His dad was obviously really shaken up. A lot more than the mom, who seemed really mad. I think she might sue the school and close it down.

Awesome!

Uh-oh! His dad’s walking over here.

He better not cry and hug me! Coz that would make him a rich weirdo!

“What’s your name son?” Timmy boy’s dad asked.

“Ali Salem. Ali with an ‘I’ not a ‘Y” I smiled.

“That’s good to know” His dad finally smiled too. I think my little name- spelling lesson calmed him down!

“Thank you for saving Jim’s life, Ali! I need to go to the hospital now, but I’m sure we will meet again soon.” He said, shook my hand and left.

I hopped on a bus after school to go to the police station. They wouldn’t release the stolen money, though.

Apparently the simple privilege of ‘getting your own stuff back without having to involve your parents coz they’ll ground you for life’ doesn’t apply till you’re 16!

I’m pretty sure this falls under Human Rights Violation. Dad’s anger issues + bad news + no helmet.

Yeah, that adds up to one funeral….MINE!

I went to dad’s office and told him exactly what had happened. He punched the wall, flipped his desk, broke the window, cursed me for a solid 15 minutes, yelled at his secretary then broke the phone.

That’s it!

Those anger management classes mom insisted he takes are really paying off. He’s totally transformed. Proud of you dad!

Dad went back to work after signing some documents at the police station and giving me back the money. Mom and Sara weren’t home. They were gonna meet us at the ceremony after Sara’s doctor’s appointment.

I ate, showered, prayed, finished ALL my homework in two pomodoros and still had time to NAP!

I wasn’t tired anymore though. I felt so energized!

Oh my God! Wait a sec! Is this how people who don’t procrastinate feel ALL THE TIME?

Seriously?! GET OUT!

I did it one day and I already think they should teach my success story in college. To professors, after renaming it to the “Amazing-Ali-Salem” technique!

I ran to the convention center where the scout contest was taking place, gave in the money, took a couple more cases and set up a booth outside a nearby superstore. I figured since I had time, it was worth the shot!

I sold another 44 boxes. 1,001 in total. Things were lookin’ up.

7:50 pm

The girls were giving in their final revenues. I could see Sara and mom on the other side of the room. Sara had to sit down coz of her cast.

Many of her girlfriends gathered around her, holding their breaths. But they were all excited over nothing! I already overheard Fatso-Tanya’s final number. 1,033 boxes. SO DAMN CLOSE!

I felt so bad my ribs hurt.

“And now, everyone please take your seats. The winner of the grand prize will be announced shortly” The old scout council lady said.

And then I heard a very familiar voice cry out hysterically,

“HOLD IT! NOBODY MOVE! Ummm please?”

Oh, my Allah . It was TIMMY BOY! He scurried up to the stage, whispered something to the lady in charge and gave her a big fat huge brown envelope.

Everyone in the auditorium was completely stunned. The old lady gasped, did those drama queen gestures, like fanning her face with her hands (what’s up with that btw?) and then hugged Timmy boy so tight I think she popped all his zits!

She whispered something to him and I saw him scan the crowd with his four eyes.

“That’s him!” He pointed at me.

What the…? What did I do????

Chapter Fourteen
“Speech! Speech! Speech!” All the students, parents and councils chanted at the same time. Of course, my drama queen sister was still crying, or leaking out two fountains of what girls call ‘happy tears’.

I’ll probably live and die and roll in my grave asking the same question. “How are we supposed to know the difference between sad and happy tears?”

Truth time…

I was completely, ecstatically, ridiculously AMPED! You have any idea how hard it was to keep my cool when they announced the winner was ‘Sara Salem’? I had totally given up!

But turns out Timmy boy had started an online campaign with virtual shopping carts and credit card payments and everything.

He then sent out emails to the thousands of employees working at his dad’s company, telling them my story and how I was helping out my sister!

He put up flyers in mosques and churches and parks, and even did a little animation video on YouTube! Timmy managed to make Sara and I celebrities of the week!

And he sold 10,000 cookies in the process. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

He’d been working on it since the day I gave him the idea of writing a book about the ‘Pomodoro’ technique and told him he’d hit it big one day.

“No one has ever believed in me the way you did Ali” Timmy boy came up to me later. “You gave me a goal to live for and then you saved my life. I know you don’t like me still, but even so…thank you!”

I hate those awkward emotional moments. Someone says something and the other one wells up and then there’s a hug in the end! Ughhhhh

“You sold 10,000 cookies! For real? That’s ten times more than I did. You made me look bad dude! I should kick your skinny butt all the way to China!” I smiled. “But seriously, thanks, Jimmy! That was really cool.”

“Wow! Did you just call me Jimmy?”

“Shoot I’m sorry. Timmy! Thanks, Timmy!”

He patted me on the shoulder and walked away shaking his head.

What did I say?!

Anyways…

Not only did Sara win the contest, her name is going in this year’s ‘Genius Book Of Records”

Timmy boy’s dad attended the ceremony, too. He came to congratulate me and then handed me a lifetime membership card to ‘Cray Jay’, best Italian food chain on planet Earth.

With all the stupid facts he’d told us over the years, Timmy boy never mentioned his dad practically owns the place! SICK!

This was the best day ever…. Sara won the contest, I got a VIP card and most of all, the greatest dream of my life came true. It’s every single guy’s dream to hear those three magic words that make your heart sing: Free Pizza Forever!

I helped Sara with her clutches and she finally made it up to the stage to give her winner’s speech. She started off by thanking God, mom and dad, and every single member remotely related to the cookies program.

She talked about what she learned and how it was a one of a kind experience. She sounded so mature it freaked me out a bit, and then she looked at me and said:

“And last but not least, I wanna thank my brother Ali for everything he’s done for me. Even though he can be annoying sometimes, and he teases me till I scream, and he once put cream cheese in my conditioner bottle, he’s the only one who can make me laugh so hard till I can’t breathe, and he’s the reason I feel protected! I remember back in elementary, he’d randomly storm like a tornado into my class to ask the teacher if anyone had bothered me that day. True story by the way.”

Everyone was laughing at this point, and then Sara continued.

“He is the reason I’m standing here today, and I know he’s gonna kill me for this tonight but…. I think it’s his turn to give us an inspirational speech. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Ali Salem!”

Damn! She’s so dead.

I climbed up the stage again and took the microphone.

“Before I start, for those of you who’d like to attend Sara’s funeral, it will be tonight at 1 am in our backyard.”

Another round of applause and lots of laughter.

“Why is that funny?” I asked, with a very serious face, which made the audience laugh even harder.

“When I offered to replace Sara in this contest, I was so sure of myself man. I promised her I would win it for her, no problem. And then came that shocking moment when I realized you actually gotta sell cookies to win! With only six days left, and me receiving awards for professional procrastination, I had no idea how I was gonna pull this one off. I mean two minutes after starting an assignment I’d reward myself with watching a video on YouTube, and then six hours later I’m still on the internet researching how long it takes for a giraffe to throw up! We think cramming is ‘cool’ coz waiting till the last minute before a deadline gives us a rush.”

“But life goals have NO deadlines. Being awesome has no due date. ‘I never started either’ used to be the most comforting words I could ever hear. But now that I’ve tried what it’s like to finish first, I’m never gonna take the back seat again. I must admit this contest has taught me a lot! Thank you, God, for giving me a chance today to change tomorrow. Thank you all for being here and a special shout out to my parents for being so great, and for giving my amazing sister the best brother in the world! Cheers!”

Three months later…

“You know what Sara, whatever makes you this annoying, REALLY works!” I snapped, tugging at my seat belt.

“It IS annoying to be always right.” She boasted. “The truth hurts, doesn’t it?”

“I’ll buy a new charger at the stupid airport, K? Will you shut up about it already?” I said.

“It’s my fault you know. I should’ve asked Magda to come with me instead of spending the next ten hours on this flight pretending I don’t know you!” Sara said.

“How dumb are you exactly? You can’t ask a friend. It’s a brother-sister RACE SHOW!” I said.

Sara was getting on my nerves so much I think I needed a nerve-transplant!

She never picked the design course thing after all. The grand Girls’ scout prize was a trip for two to Europe. And as a thank you, she decided we should go together to this brother-sister race thing in Switzerland and make headlines in foreign papers.

It sounded like a good idea back then, but now I know I should have squashed it like a bug! With all this complaining and teasing and calling me ‘irresponsible’, I doubt she’ll even be alive by the time we land.

“Yeah, looks like it’s gonna be a long flight.” The man sitting beside me sighed. He looked both old and young, I dunno. Like his teen outfit and sneakers didn’t match his face!

He reminded me of my ex-soccer coach in a way. His hair looked crunchy from too much hair gel, and he was making the most irritating noises chewing gum.

“I’m sorry okay?” Sara said, right before take off. “I don’t wanna start the trip like this, please. Plus you know how much flying creeps me out, so I need you to be all silly and funny to distract me.”

“Fine! I don’t wanna spend the next ten hours talking to this weirdo next to me either!” I whispered.

“What weirdo?” She leaned forward to check the seat next to me. “There’s no one sitting next to you. Oh, wait! Okay, I get it. You already started with your pranks. Funny!” She said.

I turned slowly to look at the guy sitting next to me. He smiled at me and winked.

“My name is Ali Salem.” He extended out a hand for me to shake it. “Ali with an I not a Y”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Read the Promo, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

What’s the strongest productivity message that you got out of this series? Share with us your thoughts and reflections in the comments; we look forward to your discussions.

Don’t forget to share this series with those who will benefit from it. 

If you are suffering from procrastination, lack of time management, or any productivity issue, check out The ProductiveMuslim Academy for courses tailored to help you overcome these issues and learn how to live the Best Version of Yourself.

The post [Part 7- Finale] ‘I Haven’t Started Either’ – Confessions of A High School Bully appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Chapter Eleven

“I’m not mentally challenged, Sara! I told you I get it! HOLY!” I said at breakfast the next day. I was operating on 12 minutes of sleep; my mood basically resembled an over-stuffed trashcan.

“I’m sorry but this is important. I wanna make sure you know just how important this is.” Sara insisted.

“Tomorrow’s the final day! I can sell cookies up till 7:59 pm coz at 8 pm sharp they announce the winners. Anything else?”

“If you need more boxes, you know, just in case you sell all you have today coz you’re like totally awesome, then you MUST give in the money and put in your order no later than 7 pm TONIGHT! Okay?” Sara said, trying not to sound desperate. Except she totally was!

“Let him eat Sara. He’s gonna be late for school,” Mom said.

“I’m so proud of you, Ali. You’ve been working really hard lately.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I gotta go I’ll see you guys later.”

I was so drained I needed to sleep for three years straight. I had no idea how I was gonna get through the day PLUS sell more stupid cookies!

When will someone invent a magic button you can press to download your life, go to bed, and wake up with a degree, all your dos done and 17 million bucks?

Okay, just the thought of that happening one day totally cheered me up LOL. I powered through most of the day, even though I had the urge to pat Joe on the back… with a wrecking ball! He wouldn’t stop talking about my sister.

“How’s she doing?”

“Where’s she going?”

“What’s she feeling? Is she excited?”

“Is she coming to the ceremony tomorrow?”

“What prize will she pick if she wins?”

“Did she ask about me?”

“What’s her email?”

Ughhhhhhhhhhh

No wonder they call it a ‘crush’! Coz if he doesn’t stop drooling over my sister I swear I’ll CRUSH his bones. Moms will mistake him for baking powder!

I gave Joe a dirty look and tried to swallow my anger. I appreciated his pathetic effort to be subtle but given the extreme level of his stupidity, it just wasn’t working today. I was maxed out!

“What’s with the jaw clenching man? Chillax I’m just asking coz she’s your sister. And you’re my buddy. I care about your family, that’s all!” Joe explained, too scared to look me in the eyes.

“Cut it out, Joe! I mean it.” I warned. I slammed his Cheetos-smelling locker and left.

“Mr. Ali Salem.” Mr. Frank stared at me in History class. “I’d like to see you in my office after school.”

I gave in the stupid paper like I promised. What else did this old fart want? Is he new here? I don’t do office meetings after school, and definitely not when I’m this cranky.

I hate this guy!

HE SUCKS!

THIS ALL SUCKS!

SCHOOL SUCKS!

I did end up going though. Can’t risk making any more waves. I need to pass this stupid class if only never to see Mr. Frank’s wrinkly old face again!

“Come in,” Mr. Frank said when I knocked on his office door. “Sit down Ali”

He leaned back in his chair, put both hands under his chin and stared at me silently for a solid five minutes. My eyes automatically darted left and right, it was like being stuck in weirdo-land with no exit signs.

“Sir?” I finally broke the silence.

“You gave in the assignment on time. You kept your promise. I must say I’m impressed” Mr. Frank said.

“Thank you?” I mumbled.

“I have a question for you though and I need you to give me an honest answer. Can you do that?” He asked.

“Sure”

“When exactly did you start on this paper?” He looked me straight in the eyes I went blind for a sec.

“Last night” I admitted bluntly.

Another lifetime of awkward silence in which my facial hair turned grey and my teeth decayed.

Mr. Frank finally sat up again and said, “Thank you, Ali. You’re dismissed”

That’s it? What the…?

I got up to leave but he called me back before I reached the door.

“Are you winning?” He asked.

“What? I mean pardon?”

“The girls’ scout contest for Sara. A little birdie told me you filled in for her when she got injured.”

Little birdie? Damn! He IS old!

“True, sir! And I’m doing my best to win it for her” I said.

“How many boxes do you have left?” He asked.

“Thirty boxes”

“I’ll buy them all,” Mr. Frank said.

Mom is right. Lack of sleep does make you cranky AND delirious! I just heard Mr. Frank say he’ll buy all the boxes. How messed up am I?

“Here’s 150 dollars! You can put the boxes in my car please.” Mr. Frank handed me out a load of cash.

“Why?” I heard myself ask him.

“That’s how I plan to go home. In my car.” Mr. Frank said.

“I mean why are you helping me out? You hate me!”

“I don’t hate you, Ali. Even though you did a horrible job on your assignment and all through the semester in general, I actually believe you’re a very smart young man. And the fact you’re Sara’s brother makes me like you even more. She’s our star student.” Mr. Frank replied.

CONFUZZLED- Yup that’s my status at this exact moment!

“Thank you!” I smiled.

“This is not just from me. All of Sara’s teachers and many of her classmates and teammates chipped in, too! We figured it would be better than buying her flowers.”

“I’m sure Sara will be over-the-moon-happy!” I said.

“I’m glad you’re helping your sister, Ali. It makes you very honorable. But tell me, when do you plan on helping yourself?” Mr. Frank asked.

“With what? I’m doin’ okay.”

“Exactly! When will you stop doing ‘okay’ and start doing great? What’s stopping you from being the best? What are you so scared of?” Mr Frank asked.

“I’m not scared of anything!” I replied a bit offended.

“Oh, I think you are. You’re scared of your own potential. You put things off and settle for being average. You do that purposely because you’d rather not try than try and not succeed!”

I didn’t say anything. What’s the point in arguing anyway?

“Studies show that about 70% of high-school students procrastinate. I’m curious Ali…why do students wait till the last minute to finish their work? Does working under pressure give you some kind of ‘rush’?” Mr. Frank asked.

“I think so yes” I replied.

“But the truth is, this ‘rush’ is not related to the pressure. You get this rush when the work is done not while doing it. You’d get the same rush if you finish the work on time, minus the stress! See how that works?” Mr. Frank asked.

I was silent as a dead man with no tongue.

“I’ve been a teacher for more than 40 years. I know potential when I see it. You have it Ali, but you’re too scared to use it. You run away instead of taking control of your own life and risking failure. But you’ll never be happy being average Ali because guys like you are meant for greatness!”

I was absolutely stunned my jaws dropped! I had nothing to say, my brain suddenly went totally blank.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Give my best to your sister” Mr. Frank said.

I nodded and walked away feeling like a freaky zombie. I was too overwhelmed to register what had just happened.

I just wanted to go home and crash, but ughhhhh I still had to go give in the money and get more cookies to sell, since Mr. Frank bought all the boxes I had.

Hang in there, Ali. One more day to go…

“Yo! We gotta celebrate!” Joe jumped. “You’re way on top of your game man. You’re so winning first place in this contest.”

“I’m too tired, Joe!” I slurred.

“We’ll go grab a quick bite. You walk home like this and you’ll fall over. C’mon it’s on me.”

“K,” I said, too drained to argue.

I put the envelope of money in my backpack and walked with Joe to the pizza place. The second the door opened, everyone started cheering!.

Turned out Joe put together a ‘congratulations-on-being-the-best-girl-scout” party. The whole gang was there! It was actually Alex’s idea. What a pig!

I didn’t even win yet!

It was a blast though. The guys shared their most embarrassing stories and we had a burping contest to see who could burp the loudest.

Of course, the other customers complained and gave us dirty looks but we didn’t care. We laughed our socks off! Best ‘hope-you-win’ party ever. I checked the time, still 5:55 pm. Cool! Plenty of time to get those boxes before I head home.

“Guys C’mon! I know I’m awesome and all but you’re kinda jinxing it. Sara hasn’t won yet.” I said.

“You better not lose bro! You’ve disgraced us enough already selling cookies like a girl. You have to win or you’ll never live this one down.” Jad laughed.

“I could by punching you in the face but nahhhh that would be animal abuse!” I teased.

“He’s right Ali! You lose this thing you’re doomed. With a capital D.” Alex added.

“Oh shut up Alex! You wanna talk about epic fails? How about wearing speedos up until 6th grade?” I joked.

“Damn I almost blocked that out. You traumatized us all for life!” Joe teased.

“Nothing tops Ali being a cookie girl.” Alex insisted. “You even get to hold the money or you gotta stash it in a pink cookie jar?”

“You’re so lame man, I think my brain cells just committed suicide!” I said.

“Ooohhhh BURN!” The guys whistled.

“Prove me wrong then. Show us the money!” Alex challenged.

I took out the big fat envelope and waved it in his face.

“750 bucks! You learn to count this high yet?” I laughed.

Joe kicked my leg under the table and I put the envelope back in my bag and went to take a leak.

I was pissed at Alex. Throwing a party just to try and make me look bad? That guy’s a total jerk!

I checked the time again

6:40 pm. Oh no!

“I gotta go! See ya’ losers!” I high-fived the guys, grabbed my bag and ran out with Joe.

I arrived at the counsel’s exactly two minutes before closing time.

Whoa, that was close.

“Ten boxes please.” I panted.

“You wanna sell ten whole boxes in 24 hours?” Joe was impressed.

I looked for the money in my backpack but I couldn’t find it. I flipped it all on the ground and searched again.

Where’s the envelope? I swear I put it back after I showed it to the guys at the pizza place.

This can’t be happening!

Where the heck is the DAMN MONEY?

Chapter Twelve

“What are you gonna do now?” Joe asked.

“I dunno,” I replied

“You think you’ll find someone to lend you 750 bucks by tomorrow?”

“I dunno.”

“You gonna tell Sara?” Joe asked.

“I dunno,” I said.

“What the he#@ do you know, man?!” Joe yelled.

“I dunno, K? Just stop asking me the world’s dumbest questions coz whatever you say my answer will be I FRIGGIN’ DON’T KNOW!”

I was literally living my worst nightmare.

We went back to the pizza place, but of course, no one had any idea what we were talking about. Someone must have stolen it. There was no other explanation. And now I was 100% beyond screwed!

“At least tell me how many boxes you sold today. Did you get more for tomorrow? C’mon I’m dying here, Ali! Give me anything.” Sara whined when I came home.

“I’m not gonna say a word.” I snapped.

“Ali it’s okay I can take it. Just tell me! Did something bad happen?” She panicked.

“I’m going to bed, drama queen.” I walked away.

“Ali, please!” She insisted.

“It’s a surprise!” I blurted out.

I couldn’t tell Sara the truth. I pretended to be sick, took a couple of aspirins and went to my room.

Can someone use their magic powers and transform me into a toilet brush by tomorrow?

Ughhhhh what am I gonna do?

“This blows dude!” Big Al made a stinking appearance.

“Go be an annoying mosquito someplace else Big Al!” I said.

“I’m here to help.” He said.

“Get lost.” I snapped.

“I got an idea!” He whispered.

“Hey! Remember when I asked for your advice? Yeah me neither!”

“Just listen.” Big Al whispered again. “Everyone’s gonna find out what happened soon and then you’ll be neck deep in trouble. I say cut the drama and walk away!”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Just pack your stuff and take off when everyone falls asleep. Go be free! Who needs the sappy drama?”

“You mean run away?” I gasped.

“I’m telling you. Sometimes the only way to deal with a problem is to run away from it. Trust me!”

“Okay, I don’t have the time nor the crayons, to explain to you how much serious the situation is. So shut your trap and let me think, coz if you don’t, the next thing coming out of it will be your teeth!” I yelled.

“Fine bro! Whatever, suit yourself.” Big Al shrugged.

I watched him stare at the ceiling, humming a tune with no care in the world. That’s his solution to everything. Just stall or run and hope it all goes away. Except problems don’t just go away. They pile up into a giant huge mess!

“You run away instead of taking control of your own life and risking failure. But you’ll never be happy being average Ali because guys like you are meant for greatness!”

Mr. Frank’s words rang in my head suddenly. The old man was right on point. Procrastinators don’t even try to do their best, till one day they end up like Big Al and by then it’s too damn late.

That’s worse than trying and failing!

“Sick! This new PS game is off the chain, man! Wanna play?” Big Al asked.

“You know what we should play? That game of crashing into a wall and slipping into a coma. You go first!” I said.

“Funny you should mention comas! I put mom in one last year. You see I’ve been meaning to get those brakes checked when I borrowed the car but…”

I grabbed Big Al by his dirty collar and pinned him against the wall.

“First it’s Grandma, then Sara and now MOM??? You let girls pay for your mistakes now? This has gone on WAY TOO LONG you wuss! I’m better than this! YOU HEAR ME SCUMBAG? I AM BETTER THAN THIS!” I yelled, literally turning into Hulk.

“You and me, we’re the same, Ali!” Big Al said in between nervous laughter.

“Not until he#@ freezes over. I’m nothing like you! I’m gonna be ME and I’m gonna be great! No more stressing! No more procrastinating! No more!” I steamed out. “This is it! It ends NOW!”

I let go before he choked to death, and watched him melt like an ice sculpture left by a furnace. Whoa! Freakiest thing I’ve ever seen!

I looked around my room, scanning for solutions out of the strapped-money situation. I unplugged my play station, grabbed my iPod and iPad, stuffed them in a bag and sneaked out after everyone fell asleep. Some guys at school mentioned something about this man running a ‘we buy everything’ business.

Yes it was late, and he lived in a bad neighborhood, and the whole thing sounded a teensy bit illegal, but I had to try. I had no other choice. I needed those 750 bucks like I’ve never needed anything in my whole life.

Boy was it freezing outside! And pitch dark!

What kind of disturbed place was that exactly? There are actual horror movies that weren’t half this creepy. Something deep in my gut told me to stop and think this through.

I leaned by the wall and took a deep breath then I suddenly heard a noise, maybe footsteps? I dunno. My first reaction was to duck down behind the trashcans. It could be a stray dog! I’d feel like a dumb moron if I was hiding from a dog though! But it could also be a serial killer coming at me with a blood-drenched ax.

If that’s the case then it was lovely meeting you all…

“That’s my bro man. It’s cool! He’s one of us now. You got the dough?” I heard a guy ask. I couldn’t see his face but his voice… it was kinda familiar.

“Show me the money first!’ Another guy snapped.

“Here it is, 750 bucks! We good now?” An even more familiar voice said.

Oh my God! I couldn’t believe my ears.

I stood up, too shocked and too angry I didn’t care what happened anymore… I walked towards them and came close enough to see the envelope in his hand. The same white envelope I stuck in my backpack before it went missing…

“ALEX??”

To be continued…

Read the Promo, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

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The post [Part 6] ‘I Haven’t Started Either’ – Confessions of A High School Bully appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Chapter Nine

Tanya was selling cookies by the case! Everyone was talking at school, even the teachers. They said she hit some kind of national record. But of course, the actual number according to scout rules and regulations was “confidential”.

I didn’t wear a stupid badge and take an oath before a committee to lose to a redhead fatso!

It was time to bring on the heat. Like BIG TIME!

“I gotta do an onion check on that Tanya gossip, Joe! You with me?” I asked him at lunch.

“You bet!” He put both thumbs up.

“I heard Tanya sold 916 cookies so far.” Jim, the biggest school nerd, stuttered. “Her brother told his best friend who told his cousin, who told her friend, who told my second-cousin and she told me.”

“You better be 100% sure Timmy boy coz if you’re wrong I’ll change the geographic map of YOUR FACE!” I said.

I think Timmy boy got so scared he peed his pants. He mumbled an apology and took a couple of steps backward before falling on his skinny bum and dropping all his nerdy books.

A couple of nobodies started laughing at him I actually felt bad for a sec.

“Hey!” I grabbed one of them by his shirt, “Did I say you could laugh?”

“No” He whimpered.

“THEN GET LOST!” I yelled.

“Check this out” Joe picked up one of the books Timmy boy dropped on the ground. “You a chef now?”

“This isn’t a tomato on the cover. It’s a timer shaped like a tomato.” Timmy mumbled.

“What’s that book about?” I asked him. A light bulb suddenly went on in my head but I wasn’t sure why.

“It’s called ‘The Pomodoro Technique’, designed for students to help them improve productivity and defeat procrastination”

“In English, dude!” Joe said.

“It’s a guide for people to get things done right and fast.”

“You! 3 pm. Parking lot C. BE THERE!” I told Timmy.

He nodded and ran away.

“Don’t ask.” I turned to Joe, who still had a stunned look on his face.

Operation ‘Pomodoro’ has commenced! And it starts at 3 pm and I mean SHARP!

“Let’s get out of here. I can’t be seen with you” I said when I met Timmy boy at the parking lot. “Follow me”

“So tell me, what’s the deal with the tomato thing? Does it really work?” I asked when the coast was clear.

“It’s NOT a tomato! It’s a timer used for the “Pomodoro technique” and yes it works perfectly. It’s a very popular method to stop procrastinating” Timmy boy said.

“Fine. Tell me about it then”

“The Pomodoro technique has been used by over two million people worldwide, from businessmen to professionals and students. It was first created by an Italian man named Francesco Cirilio, in the late 1980s after struggling so much in university to improve his own study habits….”

“Okay dying from boredom is not on my to-do list today! I’m falling asleep while I’m walking man. Get to the point” I snapped.

“It’s based on the idea that frequent breaks can improve productivity and fight procrastination.” Timmy boy explained.

“Frequent breaks? I like the sound of that! Keep talking.”

“Here are the five basic steps of the Pomodoro technique

1. Decide on the task you need to do
2. Set the timer for 25 minutes
3. Work on the task till the timer rings
4. Take a 5-minute break
5. Each 25 working minutes is called a Pomodoro. After 4 pomodoros, you take a longer break, about 15 to 30 minutes. Then start over.

“What’s so genius about that?” I said as if it was old news.

Da@# it really was BEYOND genius. And so simple! Why didn’t I ever think of that? I can totally get things done with this method.

“So what if you finish before the 25 minutes are done?” I asked.

“You spend the rest of this time revising and perfecting your work. You can’t stop midway and start on something else. And you can’t have any distractions.” Timmy boy explained.

“Cool! Now off you go kid.” I said.

He didn’t look happy though. He looked miserable like I just killed his puppy or something. I didn’t care… the dude was an epic combination of geeky, cheesy and irritating!

“Timmy wait” I heard myself call out as he was about to walk away.

“It’s Jim,” He said. I think he had tears in his eyes. Oh man!

“That wasn’t cool before when I snapped at you. You’re a smart guy and you’re gonna make it big someday Timmy! Jimmy! I mean Jim!”

“Thanks” He whispered.

“You should write a book about this method somebody. Put a cool spin on it or somethin’” I added.

“Are you making fun of me again? What did I ever do to you Ali?” He cried.

“C’mon dude! I mean it. Who knows? Your book might be a hit and sell, I dunno, 3 million copies in 6 months?”

“You think?” He finally cracked a smile.

“You bet!” I winked

I ran back home, feeling strangely awesome. Like walking on sunshine!

Darn! Is Joe right? Have I gone mushy after the accident?

It was kinda cool being nice to Timmy boy though. Not that it will EVER happen again!

Dad was working late as usual and Mom was in the kitchen still ignoring me from the time she thought I told her to ‘shut up’. She won’t even look at me. And it’s not like telling her the truth about Big Al would solve the problem. It’ll just make it worse.

“Mom! I can’t take this anymore. Please?” I begged. “I was talking to myself when I said ‘shut up’. I didn’t mean you! C’mon mom.”

Still nothing.

“I promise I’ll get my act together you’ll be so proud of me your neck will hurt,” I said.

Still nothing.

“Hey! Did I mention even when you’re mad you’re still incredibly pretty?” I smiled.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. MOM IS FINALLY SMILING!

I hugged her, wolfed down my food and went upstairs to check on Sara before starting on my plan.

“How you feelin’ girl?” I asked.

“B.O.R.E.D! Bored! To the point I actually miss school.” She sighed. “Whatever! So how’s the selling going? Am I winning yet?

How do I tell her I sold ZERO cookies in the past two days? I was still at 628 and Tanya (according to my sources) had reached up to 916!

“Yeah, about that…” I cleared my throat.

I needed a great excuse to break my promise just in case. Think Ali think!

Sara stared at me in horror, waiting for an explanation.

You know when you’re watching a movie and you hit the ‘pause’ button for a minute to run get another bag of chips?

Yeah, it was exactly like that.

Except, instead of a movie it was a friggin’ nightmare.

And instead of a minute, it’s ETERNITY!

And instead of a bag of chips, it’s a loaded gun you wish you could put to your own head!

No, I can’t tell her the truth. Plus a real man wouldn’t break his promise no matter what.

“You just let me handle that, okay?” I said casually. “So stop sulking. It’s depressing.”

“I’M BORED!” Sara yelled when I left.

Where’s that kitchen timer I swiped when I hugged mom?

Okay. Cell on mute. No distractions. 25 minutes of hardcore Algebra. GO!

I was done two whole worksheets before the ringer went off!

UN-FRIGGIN-BELIEVABLE!

Watch out world! Ali Salem’s got the MOVES!

I turned my five-minute break into a breakdance show in Sara’s room. I put some of dad’s oldies on full-blast and did the best ‘Michael Jackson moonwalk’ in history. Sara laughed so much she almost broke her jaws.

“Get a grip, girl! Coz there’s another show in 25 minutes!” I winked.

Pomodoro number two. Should that be done in the toilet? LOL!

Damn! No one’s ever here when I come up with AWESOME jokes like that. At this rate, I’ll be done my homework before the big game Sunday night. Where’s my phone! I gotta tell Joe I might still make it.

It took one and a half pomodoros of flipping pillows and mattresses searching for my cell and still no luck! And now that it’s on mute I couldn’t even call the stupid thing and follow the sound.

“You lost your cell dude? Well, tough luck! If you liked it you should’ve put a ring on it! HAHAHAAAAAAHHAAAAA!”

OH NO! BIG AL IS BACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Chapter Ten
“Take a hike, Big Al! I’m busy” I snapped.

“Admit it, man. You missed me.” Big Al laughed.

Pretend he’s not there, I repeated over and over in my head.

“Fine. Ignore me. But man to man; I’m a bit disappointed in you dude! Algebra homework and girl scouts? What the hell happened to you?”

“Sorry I didn’t understand what you just said. Coz I don’t speak ‘idiot’!” I said.

“So now you get five-minute pee breaks? What are we in prison?” Big Al scoffed.

I didn’t comment but you bet black-tar smoke was coming out of my ears.

“Listen to me, Ali… Procrastination is …..mmmmm…. an art. You’re missing out on it man! Feeling that rush when you do everything at the last minute? There’s nothing like it. It takes guts to live on the edge.” Big Al explained proudly.

“What are you, the DEVIL? Leave me the he#& alone.” I yelled.

“Everyone procrastinates. You’re still a teenager! You have your whole life…”

I wasn’t even listening. I set the timer for 25 minutes and started on my Biostudies. ‘No distractions’, Timmy boy said. So I covered my ears and focused on my work. Who would’ve thought a frog’s anatomy could be this interesting? Well, it not actually, but anything compared to Big Al’s rattling is a blessing. We’re dissecting a frog in the science lab on Monday. I better be prepared. I willed myself into focusing on the material I didn’t even notice Big Al was gone. Like totally disappeared into thin air!

Five pomodoros later (I’m totally counting the ones I spent looking for my cell, which turns out was in Sara’s room all this time) I rocked the tomato-pomodoro-whatever method like you won’t believe! I did it all through the weekend. By 7 pm Sunday night, I got all of last week’s homework done. Plus everything due on Monday! Which meant I could go watch the hockey game tonight stress-free for the first time in history.

Check me out!

Joe’s dad was driving us to the arena, and I was waiting by the door ready to load his truck with 20 boxes.

“You’re going to sell cookies there?” Mom asked.

“Umm YEAH!” I beamed. “You know what angry hockey fans do to cool off? They stuff their mouths with food!”

It was a genius idea! It’s gonna be awesome! Just watch and see….

It turned out to be a TOTAL DISASTER!

People were already stuffing their mouths with hot dogs and pretzels the second the whistle was blown. I should’ve started earlier, but I met some of the guys and we hung out. I miscalculated that one!

The second intermission was almost over and I still hadn’t sold even a crumb! I was kinda bummed, and Joe’s cheesy comments and the fact he too was wolfing down his THIRD hotdog didn’t help AT ALL.

“Hey, you lost?” I asked the little girl I found huddled by the boxes I had stacked in the corner. She was crying hysterically.

“I want my MOMMY!” She screamed. Of course, compared to the noise inside the arena, her scream was inaudible to the audience. I pulled every trick I knew to calm her down but nothing worked.

“Look! I think I just saw a bird poop on this guy’s head.” I said in my best dramatic tone.

That didn’t work either.

“You’re scared, huh?” I finally said. “You know my sister and I were lost once, and she wouldn’t stop crying. She was really scared too! So you know what I did?”

“What?” The little girl sniffled.

“I gave her one of those yummy Tagalongs! I’m tellin’ you first bite and she was all better. I think they’re magic cookies or somethin’! Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone.”

And it worked like a charm. She munched on it and forgot why she was crying in the first place. I knew I was good with girls but THIS good?

“What’s your name?’ I asked her.

“Q.T”, She said.

“You so are! You’re such a CUTIE when you’re not crying.” I smiled, “So what’s your name!”

“My name is Q.T” She insisted.

“I know you are. I’m the one who called you that remember?”

“MY NAME IS Q.T”

Uh oh, she’s losing it again. I swear every girl I know has the ability to go from adorable to horrible in less than 3 seconds!

“Alright then, let’s go find your mom cutie pie!”

“It’s not cutie pie! It’s Q.T.” She traced the letters with her finger on my palm. “Quinn Thomas!”

“Ahhhhhh!” I finally got it. Da#$, I felt so dumb all of a sudden.

I lifted her up on my shoulders and stood on a high platform so she could spot her mom.

“Hey! You need to use the bathroom, Q.T?” I asked.

“No!”

“You better not pee down my back or I’m changing your name to U.P!” I laughed.

Admit it! I’m HILARIOUS!

Her parents came running in tears 2 minutes later. They were so grateful they ended up buying 50 cookies! I was so psyched I went down on one knee, kissed Q.T’s little hand and asked her to marry me! The next thing I know, every single female in the arena was covering her face and squealing “Awwwwwww”

The rest was history. And so were the boxes!

I sold 299 cookies! Which brings my total to 927!

Who’s your daddy now?

I couldn’t wait to go home and give Sara the good news. And yes, she was 100% frenzied when she heard.

Life was good again. Finally!

Big Al was gone. I was catching up on studies WHILE being the world’s greatest cookie selling machine. And to top it off, I actually get to sleep early tonight. I probably had hearts in my eyes when I saw my bed. I couldn’t even bother changing I was so beat my limbs were falling off! I don’t remember the last time I didn’t have to pull an all-nighter, stressing and cursing and promising I’ll never procrastinate on schoolwork ever again. I never thought this day would come, but it so did!

“You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you? One simply doesn’t STOP procrastinating.” Big Al said.

OH MY GOD! HE’S BACK!

Why is he here?

Him being here means something! I know it does!

He only shows up when I procrastinate and disappears when I get my act together. It took me a long time to figure that one out but now I’m sure. He’s just a talking-walking-stinking reminder of everything I DON’T wanna be!

I scanned my brain for due dates, deadlines, un-done chores…

What was I missing?

I checked my email, my laptop, the back of my hand, the hundred post-its around my room, including ones from last year.

What was I missing?

I must have put something off for too long I completely zonked it out.

I should check my planner.

Oh, wait a second…

I
DON’T
HAVE
ONE!

Think! Think!

“You’re ignoring me again. I’m starting to feel like a needy chick man!” Big Al complained.

I flipped through my books and notes for any scribbled reminders. I was going nuts! Bio? Geo? English? What the heck was I missing?

“Don’t just sit there staring at the ceiling butt-face. Tell me!” I yelled at Big Al.

“Oh so now it’s Big Al to the rescue ha? And just so we’re clear, I’m not staring at the ceiling. I’m actually very VERY busy.” He said.

“Doing what???” I snapped.

“Focusing on ignoring all my problems till they finally give up and go away.” Big Al explained.

“Not to interrupt your very busy schedule of doing NOTHING! But can you tell me the reason why you’re here? Am I procrastinating again?”

“I live here dude” Big Al took his shoes off and snuggled in bed. “Besides, you’re the one who always says ‘why do something tomorrow when you can do it the day after?’”

He’s so stupid he even quotes me wrong. Calling him a retard would be an insult to retards!

They should have a fat, big-eared cartoon character named after him! LIKE ‘Dumb-bo’ the flying IDIOT!

Okay… I’m getting desperate here….

Allah…. Please…

I know I’m not one of Your favorite people coz I don’t always pray on time and I can be mean sometimes, but please I’m asking for Your help. I’m really trying I swear…. Just please help me remember…

My head was going a hundred miles an hour. Social?

No, that assignment wasn’t due till after tomorrow.

And then it suddenly hit me….

Flashback of Mr. Frank three Tuesdays ago propping his glasses on his overly sized long nose.

“You should all be able to get perfect grades on this assignment. You have enough time to work on it, and it’s pretty straightforward.”

“How perfect are we talking? Like a B?” I smirked.

“Not funny Ali. Being the last student to submit his homework and the first to ask for due-date extensions, you need this paper to pass.” Mr. Frank warned. “You have three weeks! I expect nothing less than an A this time”

Man! I just got chirped by an 80-year-old.

“Mr. Frank? If I submit the assignment a day early, would you consider adjusting your expectations?” I asked.

The whole class cracked up laughing and to my surprise, Mr. Frank accepted my request…. Though he wasn’t the least bit amused.

“With your history of leaving everything till last minute?” He sounded shocked. “Frankly I’m intrigued!”

Isn’t it like totally illegal to say ‘frankly’ when your name is ‘Frank’?

“Deal. I’ll give it in on Monday, Mr. Frank!” I said.

What am I gonna do now?

I promised to submit it a day early. Doesn’t even sound like me.

That’s 6 pages of “I’m-totally-failing-Social-class” that I haven’t even started on yet!

I just wanted to prove him wrong. Oh, he’s gonna be doing cartwheels tomorrow when I show up with ummmmm…… NOTHING!

“See? No good can come from offering to finish before the deadline. I’m tellin’ you being early is pure EVIL!” Big Al said.

I was so tired I was ready to drop dead. And now I had to start on some dead-weight history essay. This REALLY blows!

“Just copy and paste something from some website and go sleep dude.” Big Al said.

“That’s plagiarism!” I protested.

“Okay, but if you copy from more than one website then it’s ‘research’” Big Al grinned.

I paused for a sec.

Hmmmmmmm interesting theory….

“What, no!” I said quickly, “What’s the matter with you? I’m no cheater! And even if I get away with it and no one finds out, Allah’s watching.”

Da@#, I so sound like mom right now!

I can do this. I splashed my face with cold water and opened my laptop.

Alright! Where’s the stupid timer?

“Not cool man! Not cool” Big Al said before he disappeared.

Here we go. Time to get creative. Just need to find a way to make it less boring that’s all.

“I can do this.” I told myself “I put the FUN in FUNCTIONAL!”

Oh my God!

I AM MOM!

Read the Promo, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

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The post [Part 5] ‘I Haven’t Started Either’ – Confessions of A High School Bully appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Chapter Seven

“You did what?” Joe was so stunned, he choked on his orange juice and it came squirting out of his nose.

“I got permission to replace Sara in the contest coz she’s been injured,” I said again.

“You’re gonna be a scout girl? What are you gay now?” Joe asked. “Have the wires in your head gone loose bro?

“Thanks to me, Sara will be lying in bed for the next three weeks. I have to do this. I have to help her win”

“Think of your image Ali. This will totally ruin your reputation!”

“I DON’T CARE” I yelled. “She’s my little sister, Joe! It’s her dream.”

I spent the rest of the day roaming the streets knocking on doors and batting my eyelashes at middle-aged women trying to sell them cookies. Having good genes pays off at times like these. For the older men, I just said I’m working two jobs to put myself through school and was selling cookies for my sister who broke her leg trying to save an orphan puppy. I spiced the story up a bit, but you know, who doesn’t? I sold 128 cookies in one day! Not too shabby, huh?

“OMG, you’re kidding, right? 128 cookies in one day? Are you sure? Five dollars each?” Sara beamed.

“Eat that Tanya! No one messes with Ali’s sister.” I smiled.

“Wait! What? Why? What did Tanya do?” Sara panicked. “Is she winning?”

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t. I promise!”

“Say insh’Allah!” Sara said, with a big grin on her face.

“Insh’Allah,” I said. “Now you rest and let me take care of it, okay?”

“Ali….” Sara called after I left her room.

“Yeah?” I popped my head back in.

“I love you….” She said.

I mumbled some inaudible words like an idiot and ran out. Darn! I think I blushed for a sec. That was awkward.

Sweet…..

But totally 100% AWKWARD!

I have six more days of selling cookies and 150 assignments due. Plus a gazillion midterms and projects. I gotta get my act together or Sara might blame herself if I flunk this year. That’ll just ruin everything!

I need a plan. I need a plan like YESTERDAY!

You know, anyone else would have a meltdown right about now. But not me. I’m on maximum overdrive mode. I can totally work under pressure.

I took out my books, assignments and everything else I needed.

I had a couple of free minutes till the computer restarts.

Hmmmmm….

I think I need a ‘pick-me-upper’ to get the ball rolling….

And a game of Black-Ops is just as good as any!

“You’re on fire dude!” Big Al showed up again.

Ughhhhhhhh! Can’t a guy kill some zombies in peace?

“Go bug someone else Big Al” I said, not even bothering to look at him.

“You better make nice with me pal! I’m all you have.” Big Al replied.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I paused the game.

“Sooner or later you’ll have to accept it. I’m your future. You’re stuck with me!”

“Look at you! You’re a sad excuse for a human being! A freak! This is NOT what I’ll be in ten years. DON’T EVER SAY THIS IS MY FUTUREEEEEE!” I yelled so loud I think the wall paint cracked.

“Ali?” Mom walked in totally shocked. “Who were you talking to?”

“No one mom,” I said. “Please leave me alone,” I said.

To be honest, I was sort of mad at her. How can she not see this crap weasel? Can’t she smell him at least? HE STINKS!

“Are you okay Ali? I heard you yell when I walked in. Something about your future?” Mom asked.

“Good luck explaining that.” Big Al laughed.

“SHUT UP!” I snapped at Big Al.

“AAAAAUUUUUUUUHH” Mom gasped.
Uh-oh. Major danger sign!

“No, no, no…. Not you, mom.” I said quickly.

“ALI SALEM YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE YOUNG MAN!” Mom yelled. “You get your sister hurt, you never study, you wait till last minute to do your homework; I practically have to beg you to do your chores! Your grades are laughable, and now you’re telling me to shut up! Ya Allah, what did I do to deserve such a difficult son? This time I’m REALLY going to let your dad take over!” Mom was becoming hysterical.

“I swear I didn’t mean you mom,” I said before she slammed the door behind her.

“Yeah, she never forgave you either dude….” Big Al shook his head.

Someone get this nasty piece of garbage out of here coz I’M GONNA KILL HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Chapter Eight

I gave up….

I didn’t wanna do anything anymore.

I stopped selling cookies. I couldn’t care less about school. I didn’t wanna talk to anyone. I just stayed in bed and listened to Big Al blabber away.

There was no point in trying. I’m never gonna have time to do everything I’m supposed to do anyway….

I’m a procrastinator. That’s just who I am!

My life was a total mess. Mom was mad at me. Dad didn’t even know I existed and Sara was never gonna forgive me… Maybe being a homeless loser was my future after all.

Let’s face it…. I put the ‘DUCT’ in ‘Productive’.

“So the manager was like “if you had started earlier you would have finished washing the dishes by now and I’d be having dinner with my kids instead of waiting for you to lock up!” and I was like “Sir, the best things happen to those who wait. Even the most genius device in the world is called a ‘Calcu-LATER’, not a ‘Calcu-now’!” Big Al laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe.

I didn’t even comment. I just stared at the TV for the next two hours.

“It wasn’t my fault I had no health insurance.” Big Al continued. “My eyes were killing me, man! I’ve been meaning to get them checked at the free clinic but you know, things happen. Anyways, I must have read the addresses wrong or somethin’ coz it took me all day to deliver three bouquets. The owner threw a fit! Apparently, Mothers’ Day is one of the busiest days of the year. She blamed me for all the customers she lost. Chillax woman! They’re just flowerpots! They’ll still be flowerpots TOMORROW!”

Could this guy be any more annoying? He makes me lose the will to live.

You think if I throw a stick he’ll leave?

“So when I was late for Granma’s funeral, Sara was RAGING mad. I didn’t have any clean shirts coz…”

“Wait what? Granma dies?” I suddenly sat up. “When?”

“Oh, that was years ago. Dad had to work and he told me to go shovel the snow at Granma’s. (And by me I mean YOU!)  You put it off as usual coz let’s face it, the woman never leaves the house, right? Except she did! That’s when she slipped on the stairs and died.” Big Al said.

“You idiot! Three hours non-stop talking and NOW you’re telling me I killed Granma?” I jumped out of bed, grabbed my phone and flew like the wind to find the shovel. Oh my God! It’s been three days since dad asked me to dig the snow at Granma’s! I didn’t think it was urgent. She only goes out on weekends when Dad picks her up to go grocery shopping. I was gonna do it really early on Saturday! Oh My God! What if she had slipped already? God, please help me!

I could hear ambulance sirens all over the city. Did Granma really have to live 15 minutes away?!! My heart was hammering against my chest as I ran for it. I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared in my whole life.
I tried calling her house a hundred times.

“Pick up! Pick up!” I panted as I raced to her doorstep.

There was no answer! And Granma practically lives her life waiting by the phone.

“Please pick up!” I tried again.

When I finally arrived I started digging in the snow like a maniac, I think I freaked people out.

“Ali?” Granma opened the door.

She’s ALIVE!

Weirdest thing ever to be excited about..

But… Oh my God I didn’t kill Granma!

“Granma no! Wait! Don’t move!” I panicked suddenly.

I climbed up and down the front stairs like five times to make sure I didn’t miss a spot.

“What are you doing here dear?” Granma asked. “And why aren’t you wearing a jacket? Do you want to freeze to death? Come inside quickly!”

She made me a cup of ginger tea (gross!) but I had to drink it coz my frozen nose was about to fall off. She got me a warm blanket and a pair of socks, and insisted I wear them coz mine were wet!

How do I tell her I’d rather be sick in bed with the flu for three years than wear an old lady’s fuzzy grey and white socks?

“You must eat something Ali. You look pale.” Granma frowned.

She made me eat a whole chicken, three cups of gooey soup, a full plate of rice and beans, two loafs of bread, 16 oriental cheese puffs, a bowl of Humus, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and eggplant!

Mental note: Always remember to wear sweatpants with elastic waistbands to Granma’s place. Even during emergency, life-saving visits.

“I hope you saved some room for dessert!” Granma said, holding a big platter of golden crispy Konafa drenched in syrup.

Ahhh you gotta be kiddin’?

OF COURSE, I DID!

I dozed off on the couch and woke up an hour later from my food coma, dizzy and confused.

“How are you feeling sweetheart?” Granma asked.

Like a bloated elephant? I could hardly move I was so overtired and sore.

“I’m okay! I should get going I’m so late. Mom has probably called the police by now!” I said.

“Don’t worry. She knows you’re here. I called her” Granma smiled.

“Were you going out?” I suddenly remembered why I was there.

“Yes, I was going to the store when you came to visit. But I thought I would wait until you woke up. You slept so peacefully I didn’t want to disturb you” She continued.

I’m already disturbed beyond your wildest imagination Granma. You have no idea. If only you knew I’m that grandchild who turns into a homeless murderer. Bet you wouldn’t be looking at with so much love like you are now!

“I already knew you were going out. I know a lot of stuff about what happens in the future” I admitted sadly.

“Don’t talk like that Ali! Only God knows the future, not us human beings.” Granma scolded.

“I know it sounds crazy! If I were you I wouldn’t believe me either. But I do know what happens in the future. I swear!” I insisted.

“That’s the devil whispering evil thoughts in your head. Seek Allah’s forgiveness, my child!” Granma shook her head.

How do I tell her about Big Al without sounding like a mental geek from a bad Sci-Fi movie?

“What if I get like signs or see daydreams about future events and they end up coming true?” I asked.

“Well, in that case, you should think of those signs as guidance from God . The positive signs can be glad tidings and the negative ones are warnings to protect you.” Granma explained. “You can never tell the future, Ali, but you can work hard to build it the way you want. Your future is not created by what you think you know or what you might do tomorrow. Your future is created by what you do TODAY.”

Even though she’s like a hundred years old, but what Granma said actually made A LOT of sense. Big Al doesn’t know the future. He barely knows his fat belly from his butt! And everything he said DID NOT come true. Granma didn’t slip on the stairs and die (At least not yet anyway).

I never let Timmy boy do my paper for me like he said. I stayed up all night and wrote it myself. (I fell asleep on the toilet though) but still, I never got suspended like he said I would!

And you know what, Sara did forgive me. And she will be the BEST fashion designer in the world one-day coz I will win that stupid cookie contest. Just watch and see!

“Thank you, Granma.” I suddenly felt alive again. “I gotta go!”

I think that’s the first time in ever I sat with Granma and had a grown-up conversation. Almost 14 years she hardly talked about anything but food. Old people are boring most of the time, and they think they know everything. But today Granma actually made sense… it was kinda cool.

Maybe she does think about other things besides food….

“Wait!” She panicked. “I’ll make you a couple of sandwiches to eat on your walk home. I’m sure you’re hungry by now!”

On second thought…

Maybe not….

To be continued….

Read the Promo, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

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