“I was sent to perfect good character.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

In our previous article on “How to be a Productive Introvert“, we reflected on the qualities of the introvert character.  In this article, we reflect on the extrovert character.

The first thing that comes to people’s mind when they think of someone who is an extrovert is that he/she are always active, they take the lead, love public speaking, are sociable, informal, practical, and outgoing…

There are indeed a lot of positive qualities, but in an attempt to refine one’s character, it’s necessary to examine the qualities that are encouraged and discouraged from an Islamic point of view.

Traits encouraged in Islam

1. Being friendly and approachable

As an extrovert, you have a bigger audience to impact, teach, inspire and help in learning, loving and living their deen.

Ibn Mas’ud reported:

Messenger of Allah said, “Shall I not tell you whom the (Hell) Fire is forbidden to touch? It is forbidden to touch a man who is always accessible, having polite and tender nature.” [At- Tirmidhi]

Having a huge circle of friends/connections is great. But, the bigger the circle is, the more you should be aware of how you conduct yourself and how you speak and represent Islam.

Try to keep in mind that, while some people might think that following Islamic teachings hinder their social life, you have the power to prove the opposite. So, seize this opportunity. Whenever you’re out and about, remember to embrace the teachings of Islam, uphold to what’s permissible, and speak up against what’s prohibited. Do not let being an extrovert lead you to compromise your deen, rather take the lead to promote and support your deen.

2. Strong communication skills to help others

You can communicate feelings and emotions effectively; invest this talent in helping others reconcile.

As someone who is capable of expressing thoughts and feelings clearly, you can actually become a problem solver.

In a conflict, you are the first one to jump in and take action, whether by stopping the argumentation or by acting as a mediator between two partners who have reached a dead-end in their argumentation.

Acting as a channel of communication and helping in the process of reconciliation is a great act that is highly encouraged in Islam.

Narrated AbudDarda’ :

The Prophet said: Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than fasting, prayer and almsgiving (sadaqah)? The people replied: Yes, Prophet of Allah! He said: It is putting things right between people, spoiling them is the shaver (destructive). [Sunan Abi Dawud]

So, always take the lead and help your friends, family, and colleagues reconcile. Conflicts are inevitable, but your God-given talent is here to help those in need.

3. Being around when needed

You are probably at every social gathering, so you can easily reap a wealth of hasanat (good deeds/rewards).

Being social means you have a lot of friends who will be celebrating different occasions of their lives at different times. There will always be someone who is getting married, having a baby, or going through tough times like illness or losing someone and/or a financial crisis.

It is an Islamic duty to be there for your brother/sister during their good and bad times. Remember to renew your niyyah (intention) in every social event you attend. For example, while visiting your sick friend or giving condolences at a funeral, you can be doing an act of ‘ibadah, gaining great hasanat and being in the presence of Allah Himself!

It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah , who said that the Messenger of Allah said:

Allah will say on the Day of Resurrection: O son of Adam , I fell ill and you visited Me not.
He will say: O Lord, and how should I visit You when You are the Lord of the worlds?
He will say: Did you not know that My servant so-and-so had fallen ill and you visited him not? Did you not know that had you visited him you would have found Me with him? O son of Adam , I asked you for food and you fed Me not.
He will say: O Lord, and how should I feed You when You are the Lord of the worlds?
He will say: Did you not know that My servant so-and-so asked you for food and you fed him not? Did you not know that had you fed him you would surely have found that (the reward for doing so) with Me? O son of Adam , I asked you to give Me to drink and you gave Me not to drink.
He will say: O Lord, how should I give You to drink when You are the Lord of the worlds?
He will say: My servant So-and-so asked you to give him to drink and you gave him not to drink. Had you given him to drink you would have surely found that with Me. [Muslim]

4. Positive energy invested in spreading goodness

You get motivated by an external stimulus. You like to be outdoors, with friends, meeting new people, trying new things, exploring your new neighborhood, etc. Because you get energized by going out and you are self-motivated and can carry on activities solo, your energy can be contagious and this might be the stimulus someone else needs. Make sure to make your interaction with strangers, as well as friends fruitful. Because you have God-given confidence and can easily start initiatives on your own, take niyyah to make them Islamic and in sincere service to Allah’s creations.

For example, start an initiative to visit an orphanage and play with/support the orphans regularly, collect money and bring necessary needs for the homeless you see in your neighborhood. Take care of animal shelters and so on. Because you are confident and outgoing, you can surely impact the community and leave a positive footprint.

Traits discouraged in Islam

1. Being a chatterbox

They say extroverts can talk to a brick wall. You being talkative and loving the idea of meeting new people and sharing your experience is not a bad thing. It might be easier for you to organize your thoughts by expressing yourself verbally. Just remember that talking too much might lead you to idle speech which is highly discouraged in Islam.

You must try to stay away from idle speech as much as you can. This does not necessarily mean you should not share your experiences, or initiate casual conversation, but this should not be the sole reason you have a conversation. Remember we are all here for a reason/a purpose. We are here to serve Allah and to spread the words of Allah and the teachings of Islam. Remember that servants of Allah are those who:

“…when they pass near ill speech, they pass by with dignity.” [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 72]

So, make your conversations purposeful. You can talk about a reflection of a Qur’anic verse you recently came across or a sunnah you started practicing so you can be a means of teaching, inspiring and helping others. Take a few minutes to think about meaningful/fruitful topics to share with people, instead of ending up being absorbed in empty conversations.

2. Lacking a filter when speaking

Sometimes you talk instantly and maybe impulsively without giving yourself adequate time to process the words you utter. It is not because of your bad intentions, but sometimes words come out from your mouth before you get a chance to think. It is essential to remember that talking abundantly is not necessarily a positive thing but talking effectively and wisely is.

Take a few seconds to think about what you are about to say. See if the words you are about to say will hurt anyone and -above all- think about whether Allah will be pleased by what you are about to say.

Remember that the Prophet has described a believer as someone who is:

“not a slanderer, nor does he curse others, and nor is he immoral or shameless.” [At-Tirmidhi]

3. Lack of appreciating silence

Silence might not be your best friend, but you have to remember that sometimes it is much better than talking uselessly. Very few people have regretted being silent but many regret something they said.

Remember in many situations, silence might just be the answer to a question, or the means to settle down an argument or avoid conflict. This does not mean you are a passive person, it just means you are smart enough to know when to engage in a conversation that will be fruitful and when to avoid harmful communication.

Remember that not everything said needs an answer and not every argument needs a rebuttal.

Our Prophet says:

“He who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him show hospitality to his guest; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain good relation with kins; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.” [Al-Bukhari]

4. Craving attention

You might always be pushed to take the lead, give a speech or even initiate a conversation. With your ability to embrace social awkwardness easily and because you speak smoothly and articulate your thoughts well, you find yourself most of the times at the center of a gathering. You are almost always either forcibly pushed to be under the spotlight or you volunteer to be the under the spotlight to avoid the awkward silence.

But whether you love being the center of attention or you’re being pushed to be there, make sure your ego does not kick in!

Make sure to always put your intentions on check and question yourself whenever you are in a position of centrality, power or leadership. Make sure spotlights does not diffuse arrogance in your heart and remove humbleness from it.

Remember the Prophetic teaching in regards to arrogance. Our Messenger said:

“He who has in his heart as much pride as a grain of mustard-seed will not enter paradise. And he who has in his heart as much faith as a grain of mustard-seed will not enter hell.” [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]

Finally, it’s worth noting that Islamic teachings are not here to confine us, but rather help us fix our attitudes in a way that dignifies us and allows us to interact among one another in a respectful manner. It is Islam and how much we represent Islam correctly that elevate our status, not only in akhirah but also in dunya. Being under the spotlight discussing a worldly matter is good, but being under the spotlight representing the teachings of Islam is the best service you can do to yourself and others. Do not forget to renew your intention and seek hasanat in everything you do. I pray Allah bless you to live your life as a happy and productive Muslim extrovert, ameen!

Are you an extrovert? What are your tips to be a productive extrovert? What are the ups and downs in your experience? Share your thoughts with us in the comments.

The post The Good & Bad about Being an Extrovert: How to Refine One’s Character appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

After a long exhausting week at work, university or taking care of your kids at home, there is nothing better than grabbing a cup of tea or coffee with your friends. Whether you choose pastries, an eclair, a burger or kebab, nothing beats having some carefree time to catch up with your friends. It is unfortunate though, that gossiping or Laghw (any idle talk that is not useful) can instantly become part of these social meetings. Sometimes idle talk becomes normal workplace conversation. It can be a slip of a tongue and unintentional, while at other times, the whole gathering revolves around this kind of talk and this is where it becomes problematic. In this article, I will explain some of the reasons why gossip is such a bad habit and then list some useful tips to avoid it.

Islam does not restrain us from socializing or talking about our social affairs; we are encouraged to keep good company and strengthen the ties of brotherhood and sisterhood. We are prohibited from acting in ways that will directly affect other believers in a negative way – gossiping, backbiting, false accusation and dishonouring are all things that happen in many of our social gatherings. Gossip has domino effects – it starts with one comment, that can be passed on and on, and before you know it, what was said initially is completely different and it has already caused unnecessary disputes between believers. This is a responsibility that each one of us must take: to keep our tongues clean from gossiping and backbiting. Importantly, Allah warns us that backbiting is like eating the flesh of your brother:

“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” [Quran: Chapter 49, Verse 12]

The effects of idle talk

Gossip and backbiting are unrestricted and derogatory conversations about other people which can involve spreading lies about someone, exposing their sins or passing hurtful judgements about them. There are many reasons why people resort to this bad practice: jealousy, wanting a sense of belonging or acceptance, out of boredom, to feel superior, to gain attention, or as a result of anger or unhappiness.

Gossip hinders your productivity simply because it consumes time that could be used in other useful matters, whether it is in your personal or professional life. Backbiting, gossiping and negative speech are not only major sins of the tongue, but they can have psychological effects on your wellness and state of mind, as well as impacting relationships socially and in the workplace. This time should be used in nurturing speech that will help build our characters and intelligence, or in quiet reflection and worship to Allah . The time spent in gossip can instead even be used to relax productively!

In social and workplace settings, gossip and backbiting do nothing but generate hostility and distrust in the environment, and is a really strong reflection of yourself and your character, as you portray yourself as untrustworthy, malicious and insecure. Constant gossiping is a sign that you are unable to create strong interpersonal relationships; if you need to resort to it in order to keep a conversation going or to simply ‘fit in’, then the relationship you are trying to maintain has already got weak foundation. If you are unable to attract your listener and engage with them in a knowledgeable, fruitful and nurturing conversation, then unfortunately the person you’re trying to build a relationship with, is most likely not interested in reciprocating friendship or a working relationship, but is more interested in the news and the gossip you transmit. To avoid being ‘radio transmitters’, it is an obligation to maintain morals and good virtue in social and workplace interactions.

On a personal level, gossiping causes internal stress, whether you are a listener or a speaker, because negativity is exhausting! Backbiters inevitably transmit their anger, stress and negative emotions to the listeners, and bad moods can catch easily. Slandering and backbiting rarely make people feel better about themselves, and research has shown that it can cause anxiety and lower self-esteem.

There is always wisdom behind what Allah forbids, and we have just listed a few of them above. I will now give you practical steps to implement in order to ensure that idle talk is permanently eliminated from your speech in sha Allah.

1. Have self-awareness

Know your personal weaknesses, whether worldly or religious, and try to work on improving them. Being aware of your own shortcomings will allow you to find the humility in yourself and prevent you to see yourself as better than others. As a result of this self-awareness, you will consciously refrain from gossiping about others to increase your confidence or seek attention, because you know you have a lot to improve within yourself first. Working on your religious weaknesses is the greatest thing you can ever do for yourself. When keeping yourself busy to become a better Muslim, you’ll find yourself automatically censoring your words and watching what you say, because you are aware that Allah is The All-Hearer and The All-Seer.

2. Invest in yourself

If you are a book worm – dig for new books, new authors and new topics to read. If you are a sporty person – look for new workouts and meal preparations. If you like Islamic education –  read new books, make a to-do list of ‘must-attend’ lectures, and search for workshops and online classes. As you increase your skills, hobbies, and spirituality, share these life experiences and help your friends lead better lives by exchanging useful information. Share stories of your personal experiences: if you’ve lost weight, you went on an exceptional trip with family, completed an application process or even a public speaking event. Having these experiences will give you so much to talk about, and will give you the ability to help others in different situations.

3. It is permissible to speak about your worldly affairs

We all have social and professional responsibilities that can wear us out. It is fine for mother to talk about how tired they are from dealing with their teenage kids. It is fine for new mothers to ask for advice about pregnancy and afterbirth tips. It is fine for our mothers to talk about the new recipes of chicken tikka, samosa or pasta they tried the other day which the guests loved. It is absolutely permissible to speak about our worldly affairs, as long as this is not the essence of the social gathering, as it can easily lead to time-wasting and idle talk.

Though we may not be committing backbiting, lying or gossiping, our social gatherings should not lack the remembrance of Allah . Spend a few minutes of discussing new sunnah you revived, a dhikr you learnt or sharing a spiritual struggle you are going through is enough for you not to be from ‘al-ghafileen’ (those who forget to remember Allah and make dhikr). The mere fact that Allah is in your heart and mind at all times even when you do not verbally express it will make you among those who remember Allah , protecting you from the evils of idle talk.

4. Use Surat Al Asr as a reminder

Surat Al Asr, though very short, composed only of three verses, is enough to make us shiver every time we decide to waste time on things that do not add anything to our worldly lives nor our spiritual and religious well-being. When reading the tafseer of this surah, one should think of nothing but how much the value of time is underestimated, that Allah glorified its importance and swore an oath by it in this surah.

The translation reads “By the Time! Indeed, Mankind is in loss, Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.” [Quran: Chapter 103, Verses 1-3]

Time is not only a glorified created objected by the Creator, but it is also a burden. It will be very hard to argue saying we didn’t have enough time to make dhikr, dua, perform our salah or do hajj. The loss here is like no other, it is the loss of akhirah as well as loss in dunya. If you do not use your time in dunya efficiently and effectively, to earn halal living, seeking knowledge or making dhikr of Allah , then your loss is great, and has no compensation.

However, Allah ends the surah by reminding us of what we can do to ensure we are not among the losers: we should be of those who have faith, do righteous deeds, encourage one another towards truth and patience.

5. Your tongue is your way to Jannah

Be righteous, speak the truth, if you have no good speech to say, silence is your friend.

The Prophet Muhammad said:

“Whosoever gives me a guarantee to safeguard what is between his jaws and what is between his legs, I shall guarantee him Jannah.” [Al-Bukhari].

“He who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.” [Muslim].

Remember not to overwhelm your friends with your success stories or problems. If you do speak about your worldly affairs, make sure it does not lead to arrogance. Additionally, remember to try and not to overwhelm your friends and family either; they may have problems of their own and sometimes not talking is so therapeutic.

Remember that any sin, intentional or unintentional, you accumulate by gossiping or backbiting will be only wiped out when the people you hurt have forgiven you. Strive to be from those who Allah described as “servants of the Most Merciful”, those who ignore ill speech with dignity.

a. Do not believe tale-bearing

b. Do not change your opinion about the person who is the subject of the gossip

c. Do not hear further or encourage the gossip to carry on

d. Change the subject if possible

e. Highlight good qualities about the person being spoken about

f. Invite the speaker to see things from the other perspective and not to speculate judgements

g. If you can’t change the subject, busy people away from it. Ask when will the food arrive, or how are they doing in university or work, or talk about the weather or any other subject (be creative!).

I ask Allah to guide me and you to the right path. May He give us the courage and strength to stand and speak against what is not right. May He surround us with the good company that would always remind us of Him and encourage us to do righteous deeds.

How do you avoid gossip and idle talk? Share your ideas in the comments below.

The post How Avoiding Gossip Boosts Productivity appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

I couldn’t believe myself when I got my acceptance letter from one of the top universities miles and miles away from home, away from my comfort zone. I couldn’t wait to finally be independent, to have no obligation to answer the interrogating questions of my parents: where are you? When are you coming home? What did you spend your money on? I was ready to move on, to start a new life, meet new friends, control my own budget and be accountable to no one but myself. But I was wrong. Yes, I will no longer be held accountable by my parents but I was still going to be held accountable by Allah . I also found out that there was a huge responsibility waiting for me.

This experience challenged me on both spiritual and social levels.

The Spiritual/Emotional Challenges

On a spiritual/emotional level, I remember the first time I was homesick and made countless phone calls to my mom and friends from high school who tried to make me feel comfortable. I remember spending many sleepless nights thinking and thinking about ways to adapt to my new life, but nothing soothed me. It wasn’t until one day when I came back to my dorm room that I realized that I do not need help from dunya but from something outside of this world. I needed strength and persistence to be extended to me from a transcending source of power. I needed help and guidance from Allah . I needed Him to comfort me when I was in doubt or scared. I needed Him to guide me. I needed Him to keep my feet stable on the right path.

When I decided to ask no one for help but Allah , The Tremendous (Al-Mutakabir), The Supreme One (Al-Mutaal), The Creator of All Power (Al-Muqtad), The Possessor of All Strength (Al-Qawiy), I decided to do several things. I decided to do things that were not only proactive but also steps that became my religious threshold.

The Social Challenges

On a social level, I found that I had a bigger responsibility; I had to represent Islam in every step I take, every decision I make and every word I say. That’s because people did not just look at me as an individual who can make mistakes. Rather, they were mostly looking at me as a representative of Islam. Problems occur when opinions and personal statements get mixed up with facts about Islam, thus forming misconceptions.

Through experience, I learned how to effectively communicate whether what I do or say was a matter of personal opinion or a religious stance.

In this article, we will discuss a few tips on how to grow closer to Allah during such complex periods. We will also discuss some social situations and address how we can attempt to handle them, In sha Allah.

First, let us discuss how to strengthen oneself spiritually.

Tips for Spiritual Growth

1. Wake up for fajr and pray on time

Our religion is a proactive one. We cannot simply wish to stay on the right path and ask Allah for guidance without doing any work. We cannot argue or ask our professors to give us an “A” when we do not do our assignments or go to class on time and have a high absence rate. Allah has a higher priority and we cannot be slacking in our duties and then ask for His blessings. Regardless of the deadlines, temptations or anything that occupies your time, take a few minutes to stand before your Lord and preform all your prayers on time always, and make sure you learn how to wake up for fajr.

2. Read Qur’an regularly

Make reading the Qur’an part of your daily routine. Read at least one page a day. Reading Qur’an is not only rewarding in the afterlife, but is rewarding in worldly life as well. It gives you the sense of reassurance you need. You will always find a soothing ayah or story of one of our beloved prophets that you can relate to, which will make you feel at ease. This is not something that I learned through experience only, but also something that Allah stated over 1400 years ago in the Noble Qur’an:

“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured” [Qur’an: Chapter 13, Verse 28].

3. Read your morning and evening adhkar

Make reading the morning and evening adhkar a part of your daily routine. This protects you from the harm you can do to yourself (when following your desires that will make you go astray), from people who intend to do you harm and from the shaytan. Morning remembrance will also soothe you and make you feel at ease when you start your day, knowing that Allah has control over everything. When you know that Allah has direct control over the tiniest details in your daily life, you become assured that whatever happens to you is nothing other than Allah’s perfect plan in action.

4. Make dua

The power of making dua is inexplicable. No matter what worldly issue you face, you can always make dua and be sure that Allah is hearing you. With a proper level of certainty, faith, and trust in Allah when you make the dua, you can be sure that your worldly problem will be solved, In sha Allah. Talk to Allah . Tell Him what is hurting you, tell Him what is scaring you, tell Him what is making you angry or furious and ask Him for guidance. Ask Him to solve whichever issue is making you unable to sleep at night. Ask Him to protect you from things you are not certain of. Ask Him to guide you towards what is best for you. Be sure He will answer. Be sure He is listening. Be sure He is taking care of you.

5. Make it a goal to wake up for tahajjud

There is nothing greater than feeling that the Lord you worship is close to you.

Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger as saying: “Our Lord,  the Blessed and the Exalted, descends every night to the lowest heaven when one-third of the latter part of the night is left, and says: Who supplicates Me so that I may answer him? Who asks Me so that I may give to him? Who asks Me forgiveness so that I may forgive him?” [Sahih Muslim]

What more do we want? What more does a worshipper want from his Lord? What more does a believer want? If you have a problem, go talk to your Lord. When you have an exam, ask your Lord to make things easy for you. If you committed a sin, go ask your Lord for forgiveness and mercy. When you miss Him and feel you are far away from being on the right track, go tell Him that you want Him. Tell Him you want to be closer to Him and that you want to feel at ease and reassured when remembering Him. Tell Him to protect you from your fears, from people who may harm you, from yourself and from these worldly temptations that are pulling your soul down and preventing it from elevating and connecting to the transcendent power, i.e. Him .

6. Sense Allah’s ma’iya (closeness) in every step you take

Being in Allah’s ma’iya means being under His protection, blessing and mercy. It means you sense His protection in every step you take. It means you think about Allah and what will make Him pleased with you before taking any action. It means you feel that He is with you everywhere, in every step, in every word you say. It is watching yourself and what you do or say. It is not to do or say anything that will not please Him . It is you enjoying the company of Allah. It is you wanting to be close to Him, a position that makes you feel at ease and fills you with joy. It is only when you get to this point, that you will fight to not move away.

Tips for Social Intelligence

Now, here are some reminders to help you deal with common social situations that could be perplexing.

7. Carry yourself patiently and wisely to combat media-fed misconceptions

When walking down the aisles of the supermarket, on the subway, in class or even in your dormitory, you may notice somebody somewhere staring at you…as if watching a suspect. The problem such people have is that they do it out of ignorance, not proper understanding or an informed opinion about Islam.

Media today has become many people’s primary source of information. Many people have limited access to proper resources and they rely entirely on media to learn about different people and events around the globe. This becomes dangerous and creates misconceptions when people only have the subjective media lens to understand the world around them.

I personally had an encounter with a saleswoman in one of the department stores. She asked me a series of questions starting from where I came from, whether that place was next to Afghanistan or Iraq, whether they abuse women back home, whether we drive or ride camels and whether we are civilized or barbaric.

She was shocked to know that I speak the way she does, share the same interests and joke around just like she does. I remember her literally telling me:

“I don’t know anything about the Middle East. We didn’t learn much about it in school. All I know is what I see on TV”.

This lady was rather nice and actually wanted to learn more. My friends on the other hand, have had more aggressive encounters, which -again- turned out to be the result of nothing other than the misconceptions they get from the media.

When faced with these situations, don’t lose your patience and try to put on your best attitude. Put on a smile (this is the sunnah of our Prophet ) and show them that you are not different from them. Show them that you share similar interests and concerns (if possible, in class discussions). Remember that no matter what distorted image media represents about Islam, YOU are the living, walking example of Islam. It is within you to either reinforce stereotypes or refute them and show the real manners of our noble Prophet . Remember that it is through the way we carry ourselves and how we interact with people that we can warmly invite people to Islam and let them see the incredible beauty within it.

8. Refrain from arguing with those who don’t wish to learn

You will find a lot of them. They will keep asking you controversial questions, doubt your beliefs and try to question your faith. Before talking to anyone about anything related to Islam, make sure you do your homework: read and ask those who know better. Ask our scholars about the best way to answer questions and concerns of non-Muslims.

Remember that not every battle is worth fighting. From the way the conversation is carried, you can easily tell what the speaker’s true intention is. You can easily identify whether he/she really wants to learn or just waste your time. When you find yourself in the latter situation, remember the words of Allah :

“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace” [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 63]

Remember that our beloved Prophet went through hardships like the ones we go through today. Spreading the words of Allah and Islam was not an easy journey for him and neither will it be for us. Remember that Allah said:

“We have certainly created man into hardship” [Qur’an: Chapter 90, Verse 4].

How else shall we prove to Him that we deserve a certain level of jannah and that we strive to be in Al-Firdaws? It is through such hardships that we learn and grow, wipe our sins and reach higher levels of jannah, In sha Allah.

9. Do not compromise your religious values to fit in

There is definitely no problem in hanging out and grabbing lunch or coffee with your friends who do not share similar beliefs as you, as long as you do not get involved in acts that are against your teachings and values.

Enjoy spending quality time with your friends; go for a jog, play basket, tennis, soccer or even swim together. Your friends will learn by time that you don’t drink, eat pork or get involved in certain activities they might be doing. You will find many non-Muslims who share similar values and cherish them. Not clubbing or drinking won’t make you a loser; on the contrary, people will respect you even more for cherishing your values and upholding them.

I remember when all the girls on my floor in the dorms asked me to go clubbing with them and I politely rejected their invitation. When they insisted on knowing why, I told them that my religion forbids me from being in a place where every act done is impure or unlawful. Then they were puzzled: they asked me why I wasn’t going yet another Muslim girl was. They wondered if that meant our religion was contradictory. I had to explain that our Islamic principles are constant and whether Muslims decide to follow them or not is a matter of choice.

10. Highlight the difference between Islamic teachings and your personal opinion/behavior

There is a huge difference between Islam and Muslims. We know this well, but we need to communicate it to people. Islamic principles are constant and they do not change or fluctuate whether you as a Muslim decide to follow them or not. Muslims who follow Islamic rules and regulations poorly do not affect the principles in any way. Just like any other religion, there are believers who decide to abide by the religious principles or breach them. Poor practices do not represent Islam in any way; make sure to communicate that effectively.

11. Answer repeated questions calmly and with a smile

No matter how many times you have been asked why you don’t eat pork, go clubbing, drink or why are you veiled, make sure to answer calmly and with a smile. There is nothing that touches people’s hearts like a genuine act of kindness, a smile or lenient words. No matter how bad your day was or how tired you are, make sure to smile to your fellow brothers and sisters. Smiling in itself is a sadaqah (an act of charity) [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]. The Almighty rewards you when you smile despite your tiredness or boredom from hearing the same questions regarding your religion over and over, yet keep an open mind and heart to help people and clear their concerns.

How do you think people in the times of jahiliyya (pre-Islamic era) converted to Islam? Allah says to our beloved prophet:

“So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah . Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].” [Qur’an: Chapter 3, Verse 159]

The power of words is incredible. Even when you are to give advice to your Muslim brother or sister, it is always recommended that you use lenient words that are not harsh or strict or else you will drive people away and this is not how the ummah is to be united.

I remember the very first time I was asked what this thing I had on my head covering my hair was and why I wore it. I also remember how happy I was to spread the message of this religion and the words of Allah by answering those questions.

12. When your tongue fails you, remember that God defends you

There will be times when you will have no clue how to respond to unjust accusations or baseless claims. You will experience anger and frustration hours after the discussion is over and think, “why didn’t I say this or why didn’t I tell them that”. What will frustrate you even more is that you will have the perfect argument to refute the accusations but you weren’t able to say it then. This is when you should remember that it happened for a reason and that God will prepare you to have a better argument next time.

“Indeed, Allah defends those who have believed.” [Qur’an: Chapter 22, Verse 38]

He with His undefeated power can turn the odds to your side or make a person with authority be on your side or any other means of support that you hadn’t thought of. He is always there, He knows what you’re going through.

13. Do not compare yourself to social standards or expectations

Living in the West or outside your comfort zone might not only be challenging but might make you compromise values and morals you have believed in and cherished for as long as you can remember. It can be the small day-to-day interactions with others that make you question your morals, values and beliefs. It can be questions people ask you, like why you don’t shake hands with a member of the opposite gender or why you do not share house chores with your husband/wife or what is a mahram and why you don’t go anywhere without him and so on. Most of us tend to give up on beliefs or values just because people start to bombard us with questions. This becomes annoying after a certain period of time and we no longer want to explain ourselves or our practices.

Do not give up your values because you feel left out or because you feel you need to fit in. Do stand up for what you believe in and for your norms, even if it means you will stand alone. Ask Allah for strength and perseverance that will help you stand alone if need be.

14. Compare yourself to where you should be in relation to Allah and your religious commitments

As I stated earlier, do not compare yourself to someone else other than the person you wish to be. Do not let your social fears of not fitting in and adapting be the motivating factor behind you going astray. Be your own meter and compare yourself to religious standards and not the man-made standards that change every now and then. Rather, compare yourself and where you are to religious and divine standards. Compare yourself to something that is constant and never changes and you will be at ease. Compare yourself to where you want to be in relation with Allah .

Final words

Remember that as long as your new life gives you opportunities that don’t go against your religious beliefs, then embrace those experiences and enjoy them. I ask Allah to provide us all with the strength and guidance to stay on the right path; may He protect us from external and internal harm; may we find joy in His company and may He bless and protect every single Muslim who lives miles away from his/her support group and good companions. May He (swt) help you find your way back to the right path and find righteous companions wherever you are.

If you faced similar issues as university students, what other tips worked best for you? What other challenges did you encounter and how did you overcome them?

The post 14 Tips to Survive Challenging College Environments appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.