In the previous article, we discussed physical activities to ensure a healthy and happy heart. In this article, we will be sharing mental and spiritual exercises to make sure our qalb (heart) continues to be strong and healthy.

Mental Activities for a Happy Heart

Our thoughts affect our hearts. One of Shaytan’s tricks is that he puts negative thoughts in our minds. Cognitive Behavioral Theory, a widely used theory of counseling, teaches that our thoughts cause our feelings.

so here are four mental exercises for your heart

1. Maintain a positive and cheerful attitude

The Prophet Muhammad taught us to maintain a positive mental attitude about Allah and about life. Having a positive attitude will give you peace in your heart and mind. The Prophet Muhammad said,

“How excellent the affairs of the believer! His affair, all of it, is good for him, and this is not the case with anyone except the believer. If prosperity comes to him, he is thankful, and if adversity falls on him, he perseveres patiently. So it is all good for him.” [Sahih Muslim]

The Prophet also encouraged a cheerful attitude:

“Do not belittle any act of kindness, even that of greeting your brother with a cheerful countenance.” [Sahih Muslim]

A man once requested from the Prophet the use of a camel. The Prophet replied, “I can loan you a camel’s baby.” “What use to me is a camel’s baby?” queried the man. Laughing, the Prophet quipped, “Isn’t every camel the baby of another?” [Shama’il Muhammadiyah]

2. Engage in hobbies

Hobbies are a form of “play” that fill your mind with joyful thoughts. Play expert Dr. Stuart Brown believes that “play” is necessary for a happy heart. Examples of “play” include sports, games, art, and reading (and if you read The ProductiveMuslim book, you will be performing both a mental and spiritual exercise for your heart!)

3. Practice gratitude (shukr)

Mentally recognizing what you are thankful for is an exercise for your heart that is also pleasing to Allah . Try keeping a “gratitude journal” in which you write down things that you are thankful for about each day. Remember to feel the genuine gratitude in your heart.

“If you give thanks, I will give you more.” [Qur’an: Chapter 14, Verse 7]

4. Use coping mechanisms in times of stress

Sometimes our negative, fearful thoughts fill our hearts with negative feelings. In order to tame these negative thoughts, we need to use coping strategies that help us to feel calm. Examples of coping strategies include going for a walk, taking a bath, making wudhu, talking to a caring person, and of course making dua to Allah .

A 7 step process for coping with negative thoughts and feelings

A healthy heart should be free of negative thoughts and emotions. Being a positive and loving person means that you will be able to look after yourself, be kind to others, and be the best you can be in ibadah and in daily life. Here is a seven step process for coping with negative feelings:

1. Negative Feeling Emerges: You feel a negative emotion such as anger, sadness, fear, frustration, etc.
2. Awareness: You are aware at the beginning of this feeling that you have this feeling. You accept that you are a human being and it’s normal to have negative feelings sometimes.
3. Goal: You tell yourself that you want to feel calm.
4. Coping Strategy: You use a coping strategy such as going for a walk, making dua to Allah , leaving the room, taking a bath, etc.
5. Patience: You are patient with yourself until your heart becomes calm. The time it takes to become calm will vary for each person and situation.
6. Positive Thoughts and Actions: When your heart is calm, you feed your mind with positive and solution-focused thoughts. You focus on what you are thankful for and what positive actions you can take to solve your problems.
7. Peace: You feel inner peace and a sense of accomplishment for handling your negative emotion in a calm way.

Spiritual Activities for a Happy Heart

Regular spiritual exercise for our hearts will gain us the love of Allah . The Prophet  was asked,

“What deeds are loved most by Allah ?” He said, “The most regular constant deeds even though they may be few.” [Bukhari]

1. Prioritize the 5 Daily Prayers

Consider this hadith: Narrated `Abdullah ,

I asked the Prophet “Which deed is the dearest to Allah ?” He replied, “To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

It is functional to organize our daily to-do lists in a manner which highlight prayer timings such as “Meeting with team members after dhuhr” or “Grocery shopping after ‘asr“. Organise your day around prayer times, rather than organising your prayer around your day. When we prioritise Allah , He makes our day easy for us, and we are fulfilling our purpose.

2. Remember Allah

Regardless of whether you want a confident heart or a positive heart or a satisfied heart, dhikr can give you this and more, as Allah says in His Book,

“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah . Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” [Qur’an: Chapter 13, Verse 28]

Reciting duas for specific activities like waking up, morning and evening adhkar, saying bismillah before doing even the simple and regular tasks, saying alhamdulillah ‘ala kuli hall (all praises and thanks to Allah in all circumstances) while coming across something displeasing, saying astaghfirAllah when you make a mistake are simple ways to act upon this verse.

In a study by German psychologists at Saarland University and the University of Mannheim, it was found that prayer can reduce the chances of developing non-productive habits while carrying out mentally exhausting tasks or trying hard to control thoughts and emotions. As Muslims, we have this beautiful sunnah of reciting bismillah before doing even the simplest tasks. Developing the habit of reciting bismillah before doing something and praying Allah to make it beneficial and successful is good for our heart especially in coping up with stress. Try and make this a regular part of your day – remember there is a dua for almost everything!

3. Read the Qur’an with concentration and understanding 

The Prophet told Ibn Umar not to finish reading the Qur’an in less than a week. He also said that one who finishes it in less than three days does not understand any of it [Jami at-Tirmidhi].

Make it a habit to read the Qur’an and memorizing some of its verses. The scholars suggest that a Muslim should not consider his/her day complete without reciting the Qur’an. Tilawah (recitation) does the same thing as the process of learning; it enhances us psychologically and shapes us into a more God-conscious person.

4. Ask for Allah’s forgiveness

Asking for Allah’s forgiveness polishes our hearts, and literally is the key to success. The Messenger of Allah said,

“Verily, when the believer commits a sin, a black spot appears upon his heart. If he repents and abandons the sin and seeks forgiveness, his heart will be polished, but if he increases in sin, the blackness increases. That is the covering which Allah has mentioned in his Book: “Nay, but on their hearts is a covering because of what they have earned. [Qur’an: Chapter 83, Verse 14]”” [Jami at-Tirmidhi]

The Prophet said,

“Sometimes I perceive a veil over my heart, and I supplicate Allah for forgiveness a hundred times in a day.” [Sahih Muslim]

If the Messenger of Allah , the best of creation, asked for forgiveness one hundred times a day, imagine how much we need this! Make the effort to make istighfaar a habit for you and your family.

5. Make Dua and ask of Allah

The Prophet said,

“The supplication is worship.” Then he recited, “And Your Lord said: ‘Call upon me, I will respond to you.’ ” [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]

Allah knows us better than our own mothers and He knows what is best for us and our deepest desires. Sit and raise your hands to Him and empty your heart out to Him . Knowing that your life is in Allah’s Hands will give you ease and contentment with what you have. Allah loves to give to us when we ask – so make dua in times of ease and hardship.

6. Leave what disturbs your heart

Lastly, I would like to remind you of the following,

Ibn Mas’ūd said,

“Beware of what disturbs the hearts. If something unsettles your heart, then abandon it.” [Jamī’ al-‘Ulum wal-Hikām, (2/95)]

For the sake of your heart, cut down on mindless entertainment, especially on social media and television, and replace it with Qur’an, lectures, anasheed and the company of good, pious people.

What are your activities to have a happy heart? Share them with us in the comments section to benefit others!

The post How to Have a Happy and Healthy Spiritual Heart (Part 2) appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

The heart pumps life. It keeps us moving, breathing and feeling. It maintains the body and mind that Allah  has entrusted to us, and fuels our muscles so that we may worship Him. It is important to maintain the spiritual heart, but are we making sure our physical heart is healthy?

Although working on the spiritual heart is the most essential, physical health of the heart is equally important – a physically unhealthy heart will stop us from worshiping Allah in best way possible. So, it is important for us to dedicate time towards looking after our hearts and working towards optimal health.

Being strong and healthy is Sunnah

The fit Muslim is a productive Muslim! Exercise can literally help us become the strong Ummah our beloved Prophet Muhammad wanted us to be. A strong and healthy body will allow us to continue performing salah in an upright position well into our older years. Enhance your wellness with a daily Magnesium supplement. The increased stamina and energy levels equip us with the physical resources necessary to wake up for fajr and stand up for tahajjud. Being physically fit will make fasting in Ramadan easy and enjoyable. The companions of the Prophet Muhammad were strong and healthy, and the prophets [alayhum] before them also had good health and fitness. Prophet Muhammad himself was “neither fat, nor thin” [The Sealed Nectar], and he advised,

“There are two blessings which many people lose: (They are) health and free time for doing good.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

Having the intention to be physically fit for the sake of Allah will make your exercise something to be rewarded for, and it will aid you in increasing your acts of worship. The body is an amanah (trust) from Allah , and good health is a great and often under-appreciated blessing. Making small changes to make our heart healthy will in sha Allah bring us closer to Allah and His Messenger .

Other benefits of exercise are:

• The surge of endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine (aka, “happy hormones”) decreases stress and anxiety, and increases joy
• Mental alertness is sharpened
• Feelings of depression are reduced
• Reduces the risk of heart disease and helps manage weight
• Improves muscular and bone strength
• Reduces the risk of certain cancers and diabetes

What can strengthen my physical heart?

The heart is a physical organ in our body and therefore we need to take care of its health. Exercise strengthens our heart and improves our overall well-being. But it is important to choose exercises that you enjoy. If an exercise is fun, you are more likely to stick to it. There are two important things that make your heart healthy – exercise and diet. Let’s discuss these easy activities for a happy heart:

Exercise

Examples of cardiovascular exercises are jump roping, jogging, brisk walking, stair climbing, biking, and team sports. Any exercise that raises your heart rate will build a strong and healthy heart. To ensure your workouts align with your fitness goals, using a tdee calculator can help you track and adjust your calorie needs accordingly.

Interval training

Interval training is simply alternating your level of physical activity, i.e. short bursts of high-intensity exercise with a lightly longer period of active rest. One example is running very quickly for one minute and then walking for 5 minutes, and repeating this pattern a few times. By continuously raising and lowering your heart rate, you improve your heart’s functioning and clear out fat and sugar from your blood. Also, according to a research carried out in the University of Waterloo, people with more varied heart rates are able to reason in a wiser, less biased fashion about societal problems. And such people also show superior performance in the brain’s executive functioning such as implementing goal-oriented behaviors, attentional control, and thinking about different topics simultaneously.

Other examples of interval training include:

a) Alternating 3 minutes of walking at a normal speed with a 1-minute walk at a brisk pace.
b) Speed running (on the spot) for a minute and the jogging on the spot for the 30 seconds and repeating.
c) Running up a flight of stairs and then walking down a flight of stairs.

Non-impact sports

All-body exercises force your heart to work harder in order to fuel those working muscles and as a result, strengthen the heart itself. They are especially good for those who have injuries and want to miminize the impact on your weight-bearing joints. These sports include swimming, cycling, aqua aerobics and rowing.

Weight and Core Training

Building strong muscles reduces the overall burden on your heart, increases your strength and maximizes your endurance. Free weights are especially effective because they use more muscles and build balance.

Any training that gets you to stretch and bend and pull in that tummy helps to strengthen your core. The core is the very foundation of a strong body and needs to be exercised well. Exercises such as yoga and Pilates, improve flexibility and balance, strengthen core muscles and makes the blood vessels more elastic, thus promoting heart health.

Target Heart Rate

Our heart rate must remain between 50 to 85 percent of the maximum heart rate while engaging in any physical activity. Stop in between exercise to check your pulse, or keep an eye on your equipment if it has the capacity to tell you your heart rate.  A heart rate between 50 to 70 percent of your maximum heart rate indicates a moderate-intensity activity and if it is between 70 to 85 percent, you are engaged in a high-intensity activity.

Talk Test

If you can feel your heart pumping harder, but still can talk comfortably, you are engaged in a moderate-intensity activity. If you are too breathless to talk, then SLOW DOWN! If you are able to sing or whistle, then STEP UP THE PACE!

A Heart Healthy Diet

Did you know that approximately 90% of the cases of heart attacks from cardiovascular diseases can be prevented? Lack of exercise and a high-fat diet are two of the major risk factors for atherosclerosis (the development of fatty deposits in the heart vessels), which lead to heart conditions like stroke and heart failure. Here are some food habits you can make to your current diet:

Reduce salt levels

Too much salt in food can raise your blood pressure, increasing the risk of a heart attack and stroke. High blood pressure has no symptoms, but can have a devastating effect on the health of your heart. Reduce salt levels in food by seasoning with other spices like black pepper and fresh herbs. Shop for “low sodium” or “reduced salt” versions of packaged foods, and replace salt snacks with healthy foods like fruits and vegetables.

Limit unhealthy fats

There are two types of fats: saturated and unsaturated. Saturated fats are found in things like butter, ghee, cream, hard cheeses, and cakes and biscuits. These are known to increase levels of bad cholesterol in your blood, which can cause the build up of fatty deposits in your arteries. Instead, choose unsaturated fats such as olive oil or canola oil (which contain monounsaturated fats) and eat more fish, avocados, nuts and seeds (which contain polyunsaturated fats). These types of fats can work to increase the levels of good cholesterol in your blood when they replace saturated fats. But moderation is key. All types of fat are high in calories.

Switch to wholegrain

Switching to wholegrain versions of rice, pasta and bread is a great choice to make for long-lasting healthy living. Making small, consistent changes is the best way to lose and maintain weight, and create healthy habits for you and your family.

Rice, pasta, bread and potatoes are known as starchy foods or carbohydrates, and are a good source of energy and nutrients. White rice, pasta and bread have been processed and refined, and therefore contain a lot more simple sugars and much less fibre than brown or wholegrain food. As a result, they are less filling and it can be easy for us to overeat; a diet full of white carbohydrates can eventually lead to type 2 diabetes and obesity. Wholegrain pasta and rice contain complex sugars and take longer to digest leaving you feeling fuller for longer; the higher amount of fibre in wholegrain also means your gut remains healthy, preventing constipation.

Opt for wholegrain cereals for breakfast and leave fried breakfasts as a treat on the weekends. Switch to brown rice and pasta for lunch and dinner and add vegetables to your dish. Additionally, there is a misconception that potatoes are fattening, but they can be a healthy choice when cooked correctly. Avoid frying potatoes, and mash, boil or roast them instead.

Moderation is key

Islam is the middle path; it discourages us from going to extremes. This can be applied to our diet and exercise too. Start with exercises that you know your body can handle, and allow yourself to indulge in an unhealthy snack now and again – pushing your body can have adverse effects and will end up making you feel depressed and unmotivated.

“O children of Adam, take your adornment at every masjid, and eat and drink, but be not excessive. Indeed, He likes not those who commit excess.” [Qur’an: Chapter 7, Verse 31]

Small changes are likely to remain long-term, which is better than making big changes which only last a month.

Have the correct intention, make dua that Allah facilitates you on this journey, and makes your heart healthy for His worship!

How will you begin making your heart physically healthy? Share your tips in the comments section below!

This article was written in collaboration with Raeesa Patel. 

Raeesa Patel is an editor, writer and a dreamer. Her head is filled with words and her life is filled with two busy little boys and a third on the way!

The post How to Have a Happy and Healthy Physical Heart (Part 1) appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Our beloved Prophet has emphasized on dua and dhikr as main parts of the believers’ daily routines. He taught us many adhkar (remembrances of Allah ) that are easy to do and also bring immense barakah into one’s life.

Remembering Allah and speaking to Him ensures peace and serenity of the mind, as well as, success in this life and the Hereafter. Reciting dhikr throughout the day as we carry out our routine tasks shields us from sins as we become more heedful of Allah .

The psychology behind adhkar

Duke University’s Harold G. Koenig, M.D., reported that over 1,500 reputable medical studies indicate that people who are religious and pray more have better mental and physical health. He added, “The benefits of devout religious practice, particularly involvement in a faith community and religious commitment, are that people cope better. In general, they cope with stress better, they experience greater well-being because they have more hope, they’re more optimistic, they experience less depression, less anxiety, and they commit suicide less often. They have stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, and probably better cardiovascular functioning.”

Allah gives us the best and truest form of worship through salah, the Qur’an and dua. We have the keys to a peaceful and productive life when we sincerely submit to Allah and make these a regular part of our lives. If prayers said in our own words can have a powerful effect on well-being, what about specific prayers taught to us by the final Messenger of God ? The aim of such adhkar is peace, serenity, and contentment in one’s life by having a constant connection to Allah . Having a good well-being and state of mind is the root to productivity in all areas, and there is no better source of happiness in our lives than with Allah .

The Prophet said:

“Should I not inform you of the best of your deed, and the purest of them with your Master, and the highest of them in your ranks, and what is better for you than spending gold and silver, and better for you than meeting your enemy and striking their necks, and they strike your necks?” They said: “Of course.” He said, “The remembrance of Allah .” [Jami at-Tirmidhi]

Note that being in a state of wudu (ablution) is not required to perform these types of dhikr, although it is recommended.

Adhkar for any time of the day

1. A palm tree planted for you in Paradise

سُبْحَانَ اللهِ الْعَظِيمِ وَبِحَمْدِهِ

Transliteration: Subhaanallaahil-‘adheemi wa bihamdihi
Translation: Glorified is Allah, the Most Greatest and praised is He

The benefit: the Prophet said,
“For him who says: ‘Subhan-Allahi wa bi hamdihi (Allah is free from imperfection, and I begin with praising Him, and to Him),’ a palm-tree will be planted in Jannah.” [Jami at-Tirmidhi]

2. The reward of freeing a slave and protection from Shaytan

لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، لَهُ الْمُلْكُ وَلَهُ الْحَمْدُ، وَهُوَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ

Transliteration: Laa ‘ilaaha ‘illallaahu wahdahu laa shareeka lahu, lahul-mulku wa lahul-hamdu, wa Huwa ‘alaa kulli shay’in Qadeer.
Translation: None has the right to be worshiped but Allah alone, Who has no partner. His is the dominion and His are the praise and He is Able to do all things.

The benefit: The Prophet Muhammad said:

“If anyone says in the morning: ‘There is no god but Allah alone Who has no partner; to Him belong the dominions, to Him praise is due, and He is Omnipotent,’ he will have a reward equivalent to that for setting free a slave from among the descendants of Isma’il. He will have ten good deeds recorded for him, ten evil deeds deducted from him, he will be advanced ten degrees, and will be guarded against the Devil till the evening. If he says them in the evening, he will have a similar recompense till the morning.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]

3. To have barakah in your food

Before you begin eating: بِسْمِ اللَّه

If you forget: بِسْمِ اللَّه أَوَّلَهُ وَآخِرَهُ

Transliteration: Bismillah; Bismillah awwalahu wa akhirahu
Translation: In the Name of Allah; I begin with the Name of Allah at the beginning and at the end

The benefit: Allah’s Messenger said:

When a person enters his house and mentions the name of Allah at the time of entering it and while eating the food, Satan says (addressing himself: You have no place to spend the night and no evening meal; but when he enters without mentioning the name of Allah, the Satan says: You have found a place to spend the night, and when he does not mention the name of Allah while eating food, he (the Satan) says: You have found a place to spend the night and evening meal. [Sahih Muslim]

4. Light on the tongue, heavy on the scales

سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَبِحَمْدِهِ سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ الْعَظِيمِ

Transliteration: Subhaanal-laahi wa bihamdih Subhaanal-laahil-‘Adheem
Translation: Glorified is God and praised is He, Glorified is God the Most Greatest

The benefit: Our Prophet Muhammad  said in a famous hadith:

“There are two statements that are light for the tongue to remember, heavy in the scales and are dear to the Merciful: ‘Subhaanal-laahi wa bihamdihi, Subhaanal-laahil-‘Adheem (Glory be to Allah and His is the praise, (and) Allah, the Greatest is free from imperfection)’.” [Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim]

5. For energy, optimism, spiritual strength and good memory

أعوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ

Transliteration: A’uuthu billaahi minashshaytanir rajeem
Translation: I seek the protection of Allah from Satan the outcast

The benefit: The Qur’an and sunnah teach us that shaytan uses plenty of tricks to make us feel lazy, scared, pessimistic, angry, distracted, and forgetful. Saying “a’uuthu billaahi minashshaytanir rajeem” protects us from the tricks of Shaytan. To learn more about this, watch this video by Shaykh Yasir Qadhi

6. Asking Allah for health and well being

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْعَفْوَ وَالْعَافِيَةَ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَالآخِرَةِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْعَفْوَ وَالْعَافِيَةَ فِي دِينِي وَدُنْيَاىَ وَأَهْلِي وَمَالِي اللَّهُمَّ اسْتُرْ عَوْرَاتِي وَآمِنْ رَوْعَاتِي وَاحْفَظْنِي مِنْ بَيْنِ يَدَىَّ وَمِنْ خَلْفِي وَعَنْ يَمِينِي وَعَنْ شِمَالِي وَمِنْ فَوْقِي وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ أَنْ أُغْتَالَ مِنْ تَحْتِي

Transliteration: Allahumma inni as’alukal-‘afwa wal-‘afiyah fid-dunya wal-akhirah. Allahumma inni as’alukal-‘afwa wal-‘afiyah fi dini wa dunyaya wa ahli wa mali. Allahum-mastur ‘awrati, wa amin raw’ati wahfazni min bayni yadayya, wa min khalfi, wa ‘an yamini wa ‘an shimali, wa min fawqi, wa ‘audhu bika an ughtala min tahti

Translation: O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in this world and in the Hereafter. O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in my religious and my worldly affairs. O Allah, conceal my faults, calm my fears, and protect me from before me and behind me, from my right and my left, and from above me, and I seek refuge in You from being taken unaware from beneath me

The benefit: It was narrated that Ibn Umar said: “The Messenger of Allah never abandoned these supplications, every morning and evening: Allahumma inni as’alukal-‘afwa wal-‘afiyah fid-dunya wal-akhirah. Allahumma inni as’alukal-‘afwa wal-‘afiyah fi dini wa dunyaya wa ahli wa mali. Allahum-mastur ‘awrati, wa amin raw’ati wahfazni min bayni yadayya, wa min khalfi, wa ‘an yamini wa ‘an shimali, wa min fawqi, wa ‘audhu bika an ughtala min tahti (O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in this world and in the Hereafter. O Allah, I ask You for forgiveness and well-being in my religious and my worldly affairs. O Allah, conceal my faults, calm my fears, and protect me from before me and behind me, from my right and my left, and from above me, and I seek refuge in You from being taken unaware from beneath me).” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

Additionally, after the death of the Prophet Muhammad , this dua was still remembered and recommended to the people. Al ‘Afiyah is the general term for good health, protection, safety and contentment, and is something that every human strives for in their lives. It was narrated that, “Abu Bakr stood upon the Minbar, then wept, and said: ‘The Messenger of Allah stood upon the Minbar the first year (of Hijrah), then wept, and said: “Ask Allah for pardon and Al-`Afiyah, for verily, none has been given anything better than Al-`Afiyah.’” [Jami at-Tirmidhi]

7. To be pleased on The Day of Judgement

رَضِيتُ باللهِ رَبَّاً، وَبِالْإِسْلَامِ دِيناً، وَبِمُحَمَّدٍ صَلَى اللهُ عَلِيهِ وَسَلَّمَ نَبِيَّاً

Transliteration: Radheetu billaahi Rabban, wa bil-‘Islaami deenan, wa bi-Muhammadin (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallama) Nabiyyan
Translation: I am pleased with Allah as my Lord, with Islam as my religion and with Muhammad  as my Prophet.

The benefit: Prophet Muhammad said:

“Allah has promised that anyone who says this three times every morning or evening will be pleased on the Day of Resurrection.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

8. A solution for all of your worries

أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللهَ وَأَتُوبُ إِلَيْهِ

Transliteration: ‘Astaghfirullaaha wa ‘atoobu ‘ilayhi
Translation: I seek the forgiveness of Allah and repent to Him.

The benefit: Prophet Muhammad  said:

“Sometimes I perceive a veil over my heart, and I supplicate Allah for forgiveness a hundred times in a day.” [Sahih Muslim].

Asking for forgiveness is a major source of barakah and a cause for success in this life and the Hereafter.

9. Say this once to be blessed ten times

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ وَسَلِّمْ عَلَى نَّبينا مُحَمَّد

Transliteration: Allahumma salli wa sallim ‘alaa nabiyyinaa Muhammadin
Translation: O Allah, please send your blessings and peace on our Prophet Muhammad

The benefit: Prophet Muhammad said, “he who sends blessings on me once, Allah sends him blessings ten times.” [Sunan an-Nasa’i]

10. The most beloved words to Allah

سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَ الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ وَ لاَ اِلهَ إِلاَّ اللَّهُ وَ اللَّهُ أَكْبَرُ

Translation: Subhaanallaahi, walhamdu lillaahi, wa laa ‘ilaaha ‘illallaahu wallaahu ‘Akbar
Transliteration: Glorified is Allah and the praise is for Allah and there is none worthy of worship but Allah and Allah is the Most Greatest

The benefit: Allah’s Messenger  said:

The most beloved words to Allah are four: Subhaanallaah (Glorified is Allah ), Walhamdu lillaah (the praise is for Allah ), Wa laa ‘ilaaha ‘illallaah (there is none worthy of worship but Allah ) and Wallaahu ‘Akbar (Allah is the Most Exalted).” [Sahih Muslim]

Download our 21 Sources of Barakah Resource Sheet + Infographic!

Adhkar at specific times of the day

1. Upon waking up

 لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، لَهُ الْمُلْكُ وَلَهُ الْحَمْدَ، وَهُوَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ
سُبْحَانَ اللهِ، وَالْحَمْدُ للهِ، ولَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ، وَاللهُ أَكْبَرُ، وَلَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللهِ العَلِيِّ الْعَظيِمِ، ربِّ اغْفِرلِي

Transliteration: Laa ‘illaha ‘illallahu wahdahu la shareeka lahu, lahul-mulku wa lahul-hamdu, wa Huwa ‘alaa kulli shay’in Qadeer. Subhaanallahi, walhamdu lillaahi, wa laa ‘ilaha ‘illallahu, wallaahu ‘akbar, wa laa hawla wa laa Quwwata ‘illaa billaahil-‘Aliyyil-‘Adheem, Rabbighfir lee
Translation: There is none worthy of worship but Allah alone, Who has no partner, His is the dominion and to Him belongs all praise, and He is able to do all things. Glory is to Allah. Praise is to Allah. There is none worthy of worship but Allah. Allah is the Most Greatest. There is no might and no power except by Allah’s leave, the Exalted, the Mighty. My Lord, forgive me.

The benefit: Prophet Muhammad :

“Whoever says this will be forgiven, and if he supplicates Allah , his prayer will be answered; if he performs ablution and prays, his prayer will be accepted.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

2. Protection from calamity, in the morning and evening

بِسْمِ اللهِ الَّذِي لَا يَضُرُّ مَعَ اسْمِهِ شَيْءٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَلَا فِي السَّمَاءِ وَهُوَ السَّمِيعُ الْعَلِيمُ

Transliteration: Bismillaahil-lathee laa yadhurru ma’as-mihi shay’un fil-‘ardhi wa laa fis-samaa’i wa Huwas-Samee ‘ul- ‘Aleem
Translation: In the name of Allah, Who with His Name nothing can cause harm in the earth nor in the heavens, and He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing

The benefit: Messenger of Allah  said:

“He who recites three times every morning and evening: ‘Bismillahil-ladhi la yadurru ma’as-mihi shai’un fil-ardi wa la fis-sama’i, wa Huwas-Sami’ul-‘Alim (In the Name of Allah with Whose Name there is protection against every kind of harm in the earth or in the heaven, and He is the All-Hearing and All- Knowing),’ nothing will harm him.” [Sunan Abi Dawud and Jami at-Tirmidhi]

3. Before sleeping:

i. Protection from Shaytan during sleep

اللهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا هُوَ الْحَيُّ الْقَيُّومُ لَا تَأْخُذُهُ سِنَةٌ وَلَا نَوْمٌ لَهُ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ مَنْ ذَا الَّذِي يَشْفَعُ عِنْدَهُ إِلَّا بِإِذْنِهِ يَعْلَمُ مَا بَيْنَ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَمَا خَلْفَهُمْ وَلَا يُحِيطُونَ بِشَيْءٍ مِنْ عِلْمِهِ إِلَّا بِمَا شَاءَ وَسِعَ كُرْسِيُّهُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضَ وَلَا يَئُودُهُ حِفْظُهُمَا وَهُوَ الْعَلِيُّ الْعَظِيمُ

Transliteration: Allaahu laa ‘ilaaha ‘illaa Huwal-Hayyul-Qayyoom, laa ta’khuthuhu sinatun wa laa nawm, lahu maa fis-samaawaati wa maa fil-‘ardh, man thal-lathee yashfa’u ‘indahu ‘illaa bi’ithnihi, ya’lamu maa bayna ‘aydeehim wa maa khalfahum, wa laa yuheetoona bishay’im-min ‘ilmihi ‘illaa bimaa shaa’a, wasi’a kursiyyuhus-samaawaati wal’ardha, wa laa ya’ooduhu hifdhuhumaa, wa Huwal- ‘Aliyyul- ‘Adheem
Translation: Allah – There is no God but He, the Ever-Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists. Neither slumber nor sleep overtakes Him. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. Who is he that can intercede with Him except with His Permission? He knows what happens to them in this world, and what will happen to them in the Hereafter. And they will never encompass anything of His Knowledge except that which He wills. His Throne extends over the heavens and the earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them. And He is the Most Elevated, the Most Exalted. [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 255]

The benefit: “Whoever reads this when he lies down to sleep will have a guardian from Allah remain with him and Satan will not be able to come near him until he rises in the morning.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

ii. Two verses that will suffice anyone!

Transliteration: ‘Aamanar-Rasoolu bimaa ‘unzila ilaihi mir-Rabbihi walmu’minoon, kullun ‘aamana billaahi wa malaa’ikatihi wa Kutubihi wa Rusulihi, laa nufarriqu bayna ‘ahadim-mir-Rusulihi, wa qaaloo sami’naa wa ‘ata’naa ghufraanaka Rabbanaa wa ‘ilaykal-maseer. Laa yukallifullaahu nafsan ‘illaa wus’ahaa, lahaa maa kasabat wa ‘alayhaa mak-tasabat, Rabbanaa laa tu’aakhithnaa ‘in naseenaa ‘aw ‘akhta’naa, Rabbanaa wa laa tahmil ‘alaynaa ‘isran kamaa hamaltahu ‘alal-latheena min qablinaa, Rabbanaa wa laa tuhammilnaa maa laa taaqata lanaa bihi, wa’fu ‘annaa, waghfir lanaa warhamnaa, ‘Anta Mawlaanaa fansurnaa ‘alal-qawmil-kaafireen.
Translation: “The Messenger believes in what has been sent down to him from his Lord, and so do the believers. Each one believes in Allah, His Angels, His Books, and His Messengers. They say: “We make no distinction between any of His Messengers,” and they say: “We hear, and we obey. (We seek) Your Forgiveness, our Lord, and to You is the return.” Allah burdens not a person beyond what he can bear. He gets the reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error. Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us. Our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Protector, and help us against the disbelieving people.” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verses 285 – 286]

The benefit: The Messenger of Allah :

“These two verses will be sufficient for anyone who recites them at night before sleeping.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

These adkhar are taken from the book “Fortress of the Muslim” by Darussalam Publications. (Click the link to get a free copy!)

These are a few drops of the sea of barakah that come with adhkar. Which adhkar have brought boundless barakah to your life and helped you be more productive? Share with us in the comments! 

Download our 21 Sources of Barakah Resource Sheet + Infographic!

The post Easy Adhkar to Unlock the Barakah in Your Life appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

What is empathic parenting?

Empathic parenting is based on the desire to raise individuals who are caring, compassionate and empathetic. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the emotions of another. The basic principle of empathic parenting stems from children’s ability to mirror the actions and qualities of the people around them. So, when children are surrounded by people who are respectful and calm, they will also take on these traits. This article will explain five benefits of empathic parenting and three ways to become a more empathic parent, in sha Allah. There is also a wealth of information on empathic parenting on websites and YouTube, where I also obtained my research.

But first and foremost, it was our beloved Prophet who taught us this quality.

Look up to our role model

Prophet Muhammad was kind, loving and compassionate with all children, including his daughters, grandchildren and servant. Ahadith and stories in this regard abound in the seerah, and these are just three of them:

1. “Allah’s Messenger kissed his grandson Hasan when a man named Al-Aqra was sitting with him. Al-Aqra said, “I have ten children and have never kissed one of them.” The Prophet looked at him and said, “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.”” [Al-Bukhari]

2. The Messenger of Allah said: “Treat your children fairly, treat your children fairly.” [Sunan An-Nasa’i]

3. Narrated Umm Khalid: I went to Allah’s Messenger (as a child) with my father and I was wearing a yellow shirt. Allah’s Messenger said, “Sanah, Sanah!” (sanah meant “good” in the Ethiopian language). I then started playing with the seal of prophet-hood (between the Prophet’s shoulders) and my father rebuked me harshly for that. Allah’s Messenger said, “Leave her.” The Prophet, then, invoked Allah to grant her a long life thrice, “Wear this dress till it is worn out and then wear it till it is worn out, and then wear it till it is worn out.” (The narrator adds, “It is said that she lived for a long period, wearing that (yellow) dress till its colour became dark because of long wear.”) [Al-Bukhari]

The importance of caring about a child’s feelings is clear from these ahadith. In the third hadith, the Prophet Muhammad showed empathy to a little girl by understanding her innocence in playing with his seal of prophet-hood, and even prayed for her to have a long life. It is without doubt that Prophet Muhammad was the most merciful to children, whether or not they were his own. This is the greatest indication that we need to incorporate such mercy and kindness when raising our own children.

Remember, there are many benefits of raising good Muslim children. If our children are kind and empathic, in sha Allah, they will also pray for us, as the Messenger of Allah said:

“When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity), a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased).” [Muslim]

Five Benefits of Empathic Parenting

Showing your child that you understand their emotions will reap the following benefits, in sha Allah:

1. Your child will learn to control his/her emotions and be calm during stressful times

When you emotionally connect with your child, he/she will feel “safe” with you. Feeling emotionally “safe” helps children learn to control their emotions.

A time when I saw the results of this was when my 5 year-old daughter, Fatima, was recently bitten in the leg by a dog while playing outside. Alhamdulillah, she was wearing thick jeans and the bite did not puncture her skin. My neighbor informed me about the attack and said that she was impressed by Fatima’s calmness. After the dog went away, the neighbour asked Fatima if she was alright. Fatima said, “I’m okay. I just got a little scared.” The neighbour was more shaken up by the attack than my daughter! I thanked Allah and knew that my practice of empathic parenting helped Fatima stay calm in a situation that would be scary for a child.

2. Your child will be a more confident person

Empathic parenting creates self-esteem within a child, as they are developing in a nurturing, caring and supportive environment. “Mirroring” what your child is feeling by verbally naming his/her feelings, fosters bonding with your son/daughter and builds their self-confidence, as you are validating them and reassuring them that their emotions do matter.

Here are example of mirror phrases, which show that you care about your children’s thoughts and emotions.

1. “If I hear you correctly, what you are telling me is…?”
2. “Did I get it right?”
3. “Is there more you want to say about this?”

We will go into more detail about mirroring later on.

3. You will optimise your child’s brain development

Current research shows that emotional bonding is the foundation of brain development because it increases neuron connections in their brains. Parenting expert Dr. William Sears cites numerous studies that show that the two most important enhancers of a child’s brain development are the quality of the parent-child attachment, and the response of the caregiver to the child’s emotions.

4. You will experience a happier family atmosphere

Empathy builds trust. Your child will feel more comfortable sharing his/her feelings with you. Additionally, when children feel that their feelings are valued, they will naturally want to please you, because it feels good for them to be “heard”.

5. You will understand the deeper reasons for your child’s misbehaviour

If a child is misbehaving, it is because he/she feels threatened by something, or has an emotional need like engagement or attention. Empathy from parents helps children feel safe; when children feel safe, they are able to understand the world better and make better decisions. Ultimately, when you understand how children feel, you will see the meaning behind their behaviours and you can react accordingly.

An example of this is when I worked with a young student with learning difficulties. He would yell and throw objects when he didn’t understand a math problem. I showed empathy by asking how learning math made him feel, and he admitted that he misbehaves because he feels stupid. When I understood the feeling behind his behavior, I was able to assure him that he was not “stupid” and that many people struggle with learning math. My empathy made him feel calm and he was able to continue learning more comfortably.

Empathic parenting in action: 3 techniques

Now that we have seen how empathic parenting can benefit our children, let’s look at three ways we can implement this in our homes.

1. Exercise self-empathy

Empathic parenting helps your children manage their feelings. As parents, you first need to be able to do this yourself.

Self-empathy means that you are aware of your own feelings and listen to yourself. Your ability to empathise with your child depends on your ability to empathise with yourself. An example of practising self-empathy is by consciously finding ways to cope and change your emotional state when you are not calm and are in a stressful situation. This could be by reciting dhikr, making dua to Allah , talking to a caring person or engaging in enjoyable activities to calm you down. Your children will be able to see how you respond in difficult situations, helping them react in a similar way.

Remember your long-term goal as a parent: raising a child who will be a productive Muslim. When you remember the “bigger picture”, it will help you to react better to immediate problems.

A counselling technique I often recommend is to try to remember yourself as a child. When you establish an empathic connection to yourself as a child, this helps you empathise with your children. Additionally, try having a family empathy circle, where members sit in a circle and one person shares his/her thoughts. Then each member reflects back what he/she heard until the original speaker feels fully understood. This shows that the feelings of both adults and children are equally important.

2. Focus on the relationship

Empathy is the key to building a positive relationship with anybody, as it is a form of love, generating a feeling of “you and me” and togetherness. In addition, empathic parenting is also about creating structure and solving problems together. Setting rules and boundaries for children helps them understand their world.

Research has shown that the quality of a relationship between the helper (the parent) and the person receiving the help (your child), is the most important factor to predict whether or not the person will improve. So reflect on the kind of relationship you have between yourself and your children, and judge whether this is teaching your children compassion and empathy. Then reflect on what kind of relationship you want to have with your children and use that as your motivation for empathic parenting.

3. Learn to “mirror” your child’s emotions

This is perhaps the most important aspect of empathic parenting, especially if you find your children behaving badly. We all have a need to be validated, and this is no different in children. As parents, we may often undermine a child’s behaviours or thoughts by calling them “silly” or “immature”. However, when you mirror a child’s emotions by reflecting back what he/she has said to you, this encourages children to talk more about their emotions and boosts their self-esteem. As a result, your child will become calmer and more mature.

Here are three E’s which you can use:

Encourage a solution: If your child is misbehaving, rather than telling them they cannot do something, encourage your child to come up with a more acceptable solution of their own. For example, if they want to snack before dinner, you could say: “I put away the biscuits because we are having dinner in a little while. If you are very hungry, why not choose a healthier snack instead?”

Empathise with their feelings: State the logic of your child’s point of view by saying: “I understand how you are feeling” or “given all that you have said to me, I can imagine you must be feeling…”

Explain your reasons and feelings: Finally, empathic parenting does not mean sacrificing discipline; you are simply explaining the reasons behind a rule or command rather than just telling them they cannot do something.

When you set boundaries and say “no” to your child, your child will probably feel frustrated. Mirror this frustration by saying that you understand he wants something he cannot have and validate your child’s frustration. Stand by your rule, but let your child know that you understand how he feels.

Being an empathic parent takes time and patience, but the rewards last a lifetime. In sha Allah, your child will sincerely love you for taking the time to understand him or her, even when you disagree on something. By trying to implement even some of these tips, you will encourage both compassion and maturity within your children. In sha Allah your child will pray for you out of this sincere love, which will be a continuous source of blessings for you, even after your death.

After reading this article, would you consider yourself an empathic parent? What are some changes you plan on making to the way you treat and discipline your children? Feel free to share with us any examples where this parenting style has worked and any tips you have for other parents/caregivers. 

The post Empathic Parenting: Connect Emotionally with Your Child appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Our Prophet Muhammad said:

“Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me.” [Ibn Majah]

But why is it that so many Muslims are dissatisfied with this huge part of their lives and religion? I think it is because our marriages lack empathy, or in other words, emotional understanding. Empathy is simply the act of feeling your spouse’s emotions; joining emotionally with him or her, as if “walking in his or her shoes.”

I will discuss how Islam encourages empathy in marriage, how it can transform your marriage, and how you can practice it yourself to improve your relationship with your spouse In sha Allah!

Emotions within marriage in the Qur’an

The Holy Qur’an reminds us about the importance of emotions in marriage:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”  [Qur’an: Chapter 30, Verse 21]

“It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.”  [Qur’an: Chapter 7, Verse 189]

As we can see from the above verses, marriage is ideally meant to be a source of emotional comfort to us. Marriage allows us to experience love, mercy, understanding and peace from someone who is a companion for life.

Empathy in marriage in Islam

Our blessed Prophet showed emotional understanding towards his wives in many ways. He was known to express his love unabashedly for his wives and showed us several examples of how to kindly and thoughtfully treat our spouses.

Consider the following ahadith:

1. His wife, Aisha , narrated:

“It was the day of `Id, and the Ethiopian people were playing with shields and spears; so either I requested the Prophet  or he asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then the Prophet  made me stand behind him and my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, “Carry on! O Bani Arfida,” till I got tired. The Prophet  asked me, “Are you satisfied (Is that sufficient for you)?” I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave.”  [Bukhari]

This hadith shows that our beloved Prophet considered his wives’ emotional need for happiness and enjoyment through halal entertainment.

2. Al-Aswad said:

“I asked ‘A’isha  ‘What did the Prophet,  do when he was with his family?’ She replied, ‘He would do chores for his family, and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out.'”  [Bukhari]

This hadith shows that our beloved Prophet helped his family with their chores, indicating that he was always thoughtful and cared about easing things for his family in any way he could.

3. Narrated by Anas :

“It reached Safiyyah that Hafsah called her: ‘The daughter of a Jew,’ so she (Safiyyah) wept. Then the Prophet  entered upon her while she was crying, and he said: ‘What makes you cry?’ She said: ‘Hafsah said to me that I am the daughter of a Jew.’ So the Prophet  said: ‘And you are the daughter of a Prophet, and your uncle is a Prophet, and you are married to a Prophet, so what is she boasting to you about?’ Then he said: ‘Fear Allah, O Hafsah.'”  [Tirmidthi]

Our beloved Prophet cared about the feelings of his wives and would console them with humor and caring words, without hurting anyone in the process.

How empathy benefits your marriage

When you practice empathy in your marriage, you will transform your marriage into a stronger, more real and more enjoyable union. Spouses will actually know and love each other for who they truly are  In sha Allah, when they are able to bond at an emotional level.

Most people agree that open communication is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. However, marriage therapists believe that ordinary communication is not enough. What a marriage really needs to thrive is emotional understanding, or empathy.

Usually, the more recognized problems in a marriage are only surface issues. Couples need to dig deeper to uncover the real underlying problems in their marriages. These tend to be emotional problems, such as not feeling respected or not feeling appreciated.

Furthermore, empathy can save your marriage from infidelity problems. Megan Wyatt, life coach and founder of wivesofjannah.com, teaches that the no.1 reason that marriages face infidelity problems is a lack of emotional connection.

How can we practice empathy in our marriages?  

1. Empathizing with others starts with self-empathy

Train yourself to be more aware of your own feelings. This in turn will help you recognize the feelings of your spouse and will also improve your communication. Your ability to feel empathy towards your spouse depends on how much empathy you are able to show to yourself.

Example: A wife realizes that she is feeling unhappy because her husband seems too tight with the family budget. She respects her husband’s desire to save money, but she also feels that he is unnecessarily frugal. She decides to address the issue and talk to her husband about her mixed feelings, while showing understanding of her husband’s point of view.

2. Recognize and validate your spouse’s feelings

When your spouse is emotionally distraught, show that you understand your spouse’s feelings. Your spouse wants to feel heard and understood by you. You play one of the most important parts in their lives, so what you say to them matters immensely.

Action tip: When your spouse is sharing his or her feelings, show that you understand by naming their feelings. For example one could say, “I understand that you feel hurt right now.”

While doing this, resist the urge to give advice or a solution. That is not what they are after. They simply want someone to relate to them.

True story: A friend of mine had been feeling resentful towards her husband because he never showed any caring or understanding when she talked to him about the pain of her father’s death when she was a child. Finally, she told him how upset she felt about his lack of empathy for her loss. Eventually, her husband validated her feelings by visiting her father’s grave with her, which transformed her resentment into love.

3. Help your spouse empathize by genuinely expressing your feelings

Your spouse is not a mind reader. Share your thoughts and feelings about your inner world. Even if you are not sure how you feel, you can and should share your mixed feelings with your spouse till you are both able to understand your feelings better.

Example: Many Muslim couples struggle with issues of physical intimacy in their marriages. They may feel shy to talk about their physical intimacy problems, but how will your spouse know what you truly think and feel about this topic if you do not tell them?

4. Use empathy during disagreements

As mentioned above, self-empathy is extremely important in resolving conflicts with your spouse. If you are feeling angry, you should be aware of your anger and wait until you feel calmer before talking to your spouse.

Narrated by Abu Huraira :

A man said to the Prophet , “Advise me! “The Prophet said, “Do not become angry and furious.” The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet  said in each case, “Do not become angry and furious.” [Bukhari]

Action tip: The next time you are feeling a negative feeling, such as anger, remind yourself that this is not the time to talk to your spouse. Wait until you feel calmer to discuss issues with your spouse.

When you are calm enough to talk about disagreements with your spouse, strive to empathize with him or her. Ideally, you should summarize his or her point of view to show that you truly understand, before trying to make your case.

Real counselling technique: Many therapists ask family members to talk about an issue from the point of view of another family member. The goal there is to build empathy and to “feel” the issue from the other person’s perspective. Practicing empathy is a way to show that you care about your spouse.

Therefore, by practicing empathy you will be able to build a deeper relationship with your spouse, handle conflicts with more understanding and be loved for who you truly are, In sha Allah.

I hope that this article will help us actualize this Qur’anic verse in our marriages:

“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”  [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]

I hope I have shown you how practicing empathy can improve your marital relationship, In sha Allah. If you have any of your own tips or stories about empathy in marriage, please share them in the comments section!

The post Empathy in Marriage: How to Connect Emotionally with Your Spouse appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Empathy is a transformative character trait that positively enhances all areas of your life, including your personal well-being, family life and work relationships. Not many people know the power of empathy in enhancing their own personal well-being, as well as in changing the way they interact and feel about the world around them. In this article, we will discuss what empathy is, how it is encouraged in Islam and how you can use it to bring transformative change to your life.

What is Empathy?

Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand and share the feelings of others, like walking in someone else’s shoes.

Many times, without realising, our brains can interpret the emotions or feelings that we detect in others and copy them automatically. For example, if you see or hear of someone who hurt their finger, the areas of your brain associated with that pain gets activated, as if you can feel their pain.

Humans are naturally tuned to show empathy; however, we can still actively try to develop this trait and use it in our day-to-day lives.

A general example of empathy is if your friend is looking for a job but keeps receiving rejections, you might say to them: “Perhaps you feel disappointed and discouraged right now, is that right?” If you are right, your friend will feel relieved to hear someone understand his or her feelings accurately. It is essential as well as effective to empathize with a person before offering any sort of advice.

Empathy in Islam

Is empathy encouraged in Islam? Absolutely! Consider this Qur’anic verse about our beloved Prophet Muhammad :

“There has certainly come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer; [he is] concerned over you and to the believers is kind and merciful.” [Qur’an: Chapter 9, Verse 128]

Our Prophet would always feel our suffering and is praised by Allah for his empathetic nature.

The Prophet himself also encouraged us to feel empathy for each other, he was reported to have said:

“The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.” [Bukhari]

This Qur’an describes believers as those who practice compassion, which is a form of empathy that moves one to help others.

“And what can make you know what is [breaking through] the difficult pass? It is the freeing of a slave, or feeding on a day of severe hunger, an orphan of near relationship, or a needy person in misery. And then being among those who believed and advised one another to patience and advised one another to compassion.” [Qur’an: Chapter 90, Verses 12-17]

One account of the Prophet’s empathy in action is when he was sitting in with his companions one morning, and members of a miserable tribe approached them. They had no shoes and their skin was stuck to their bones because of hunger. The Prophet became instantly moved upon seeing their condition and the color of his face changed. He had Bilal give the call to prayer and gathered his companions. After praying, they took up a collection for the tribe, generously helping them. [Muslim]

The Prophet even had care and empathy for animals. Once, upon entering a garden, the Prophet saw a camel that was just skin and bones. Upon seeing it, the Prophet began crying, then he put his hand on its head until it was comforted. He said to the owner of that camel: “Don’t you fear Allah about this beast that Allah has given in your possession? It has complained to me that you keep it hungry and load it heavily which fatigues it.” [Abu Dawud]

There is also the famous hadith about the Prophet’s empathy for mothers in the masjid, that was narrated by Anas bin Malik:

“The Messenger of Allah said: ‘I start prayer and I want to make it long, but then I hear an infant crying, so I make my prayer short, because I know the distress caused to the mother by his crying.’” [Ibn Majah]

How Showing Empathy Can Transform Your Life

Socially

Showing empathy will improve your relationships and develop your character as a Muslim, because you will become a more compassionate and helpful person. When you show someone that you understand them, either by reflecting their feelings or summarizing what they’ve said, you bring instant comforting relief and peace to that person.

In the field of counselling, showing empathetic understanding is usually more helpful to a person in distress than giving them advice. Dr. Carl Rogers, the founder of the Person-Centered Counselling Theory, did extensive research on using empathy in counselling. His research showed that empathy is a counsellor’s most powerful skill in bringing about growth in clients, and lack of empathy actually makes clients feel worse! Therefore, it is very effective to show empathy before thinking of offering advice.

Action Tip: The next time people you care about are feeling upset about a situation, rather than give advice, simply listen, and then try to reflect their feelings back to them to show you understand them accurately. Then notice how they respond.

Empathy transforms your social relationships because it gives you a more accurate and deeper understanding of issues and conflicts. Empathy is a key trait to becoming a better spouse, parent, teacher and friend.

Showing empathy at work enhances your professional relationships because you will begin to deal with your co-workers and clients by trying to first understand what they want, think and feel.

Personally

We often think we understand ourselves well enough, but when you take the time to name your feelings and really clarify how you feel, you will be amazed at the relief and inner peace you feel within yourself!

Action Tip: The next time you are feeling a negative emotion of some kind, try being empathetic to yourself. Name the feelings that you are experiencing. Notice how just clarifying your inner thoughts and feelings helps you feel better! Similarly, daily journaling is a great habit to do regularly as a way of long-term self-reflection and emotional wellness.

How To Develop Your Empathy

Empathy is a trait that improves with time, and the more you develop this trait, the more it will benefit your life. Basically, when you make the intention to be empathetic with other people, your practice will in turn improve your empathic abilities. Dr. Carl Rogers describes being empathetic as an almost “mystical” experience, because it is as if you almost become the other person.

The first step is to make the intention to try to “walk in the shoes” of others.

The next step is to understand yourself and your own feelings better. The better you understand your inner world, the better you will understand the inner world of others. Realize that your life experiences help you to develop your empathy, so make a point to use your life experiences to improve this trait.

Action Tip: The next time you have an experience that arouses strong emotions of some kind, tell yourself to use this experience to become more empathetic. For example, the next time you are very sick, notice your feelings of perhaps hopelessness or negativity (or any other feeling). Make a mental note of this experience and use it to feel empathy for other ill people in the future!

The purpose of showing empathy is to improve your life along with the lives of others, by spreading compassion, care and comfort. Being empathetic does not mean that we put the needs of others above our own needs. Empathy is a tool that we use to make more effective decisions and to show that we care.

In future articles, I will discuss how empathy can be used to improve specific situations and relationships, such as marriage, parenting, and work. I hope that you will choose today to make this golden trait a part of you to become a more compassionate, productive Muslim just like our beloved Prophet In sha Allah! 



Let us know in the comments below if you have any other tips for developing empathy or how it has helped you in your life.

The post Empathy: A Trait that Can Transform Your Life appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

The first thing that will come to your mind after reading the headline is: “What is “PACES”? Well, before I share what each letter stands for, let us first define “happiness”, discuss what being a happier Muslim involves and also explain the importance of the word “PACES”.

First off, happiness could be defined as “contentment, inner peace, and inner strength.” From my personal experience as well as my education as a counselor, I believe that the real source of our happiness is having a positive relationship with Allah . I also believe that a secondary source of happiness is our ability to use coping skills to cope with life’s difficulties.

Example: You wake up for Fajr prayer and you are really tired, but you get up because you know it’s your duty as a Muslim. Though nobody is there to see you except Allah and the angels, you still have that faith in your heart and you are praying to Allah just for His sake, and not to be seen by others. This is where your real happiness comes from.

Now, becoming a happier Muslim means that you learn to recognize your negative feelings and then find ways to shift those negative feelings back to inner peace. When you can train yourself to return to inner peace, you are on your way to experiencing higher levels of happiness.

Example: When someone says something that bothers me or hurts my feelings, I have trained myself to pause, act like I am thinking about what they have just said (when I am actually calming down and returning to inner peace), and then I decide how to respond (such as by saying, “I will need some time to think about that.”)

Explore “PACES”

The word “PACES” is important because it means “single steps.” We must take “single steps” in order to reach any goal, especially the goal of being a happier Muslim. “PACES” is also a verb that means “to walk back and forth.” This is important because your journey to being a happier Muslim will go back and forth. You will feel like you have improved yourself (progressed), and then you will feel like you have regressed or moved backwards. This is totally normal. Going back and forth is part of the journey to becoming the best ‘YOU’ possible. The phrase “pace yourself” is also important. “Pace yourself” means to slow down and to accomplish your goals in steps.

What “P” Stands For

The “P” in “PACES” stands for: 1. Praying, 2. Patience, 3. Problem-Solving, and 4. Positivity.

1. Pray

Calling on Allah , asking Him for what you want, is a form of worship. In the verses and hadith quoted below, for example, Allah urges us to call on Him. What a relief and honor it is to hear our Lord encourage us to call on Him. This shows His care and love for us.

“And your Lord said, “Call on Me, I will respond to you.” [Qur’an: Chapter 40, Verse 60]

“It is You we worship, and You we ask for help.” [Qur’an: Chapter 1, Verse 5]

“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah].” [Quran: Chapter 2, Verse 45]

Abu Huraira narrated that Allah’s Messenger said:

“When it is the last third of the night, our Lord, the Blessed, the Superior, descends every night to the heaven of the world and says, ‘Is there anyone who invokes Me (demand anything from Me), that I may respond to his invocation; Is there anyone who asks Me for something that I may give (it to) him; Is there anyone who asks My forgiveness that I may forgive him?’” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

Action Tip: If you are ever feeling unhappy or facing any problem, please do the obvious thing that we often forget to do! Make dua to Allah ! Admit that only He can truly help you! This article has a lot of ideas, but in the end, none of these ideas will be of help unless Allah allows them to help you!

2. Be Patient

“…and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination.” [Qur’an: Chapter 31, Verse 17]

Be patient when life is not perfect. Be patient with yourself when you are in a bad mood or you’ve made a mistake. Be patient with your negative feelings, accept that they are there, and patiently find ways to move past them at your own pace.

Action Tip: Pay attention to when you are starting to feel impatient or angry about a situation. Then tell yourself to be patient, for the sake of Allah .

3. Problem-Solve

“…and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].” [Qur’an: Chapter 3, Verse 159]

Focus on finding solutions to your problems instead of just focusing on your problems. Consulting other people is a great way to generate ideas.

Action Tip: The next time you are facing a problem that is affecting your inner peace, start brainstorming possible solutions/ideas. Perhaps write them down and consult with others.

4. Be Positive

Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan reported that the Messenger of Allah said: “How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him.” [Muslim]

Train yourself to focus on the positive in every situation. Everything is good for the believer.

Example: You are a teacher working with a difficult student. Look for positive aspects/resources. Perhaps the student’s parents are willing to do whatever they can to help. Perhaps the student likes certain subjects and behaves better when learning those subjects. Perhaps the student has a classmate who works well with the student. Use these resources! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

What “A” Stands For

The “A” stands for: 1. Appreciate and 2. Accept.

“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor].” [Qur’an: Chapter 14, Verse 7]

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever is not grateful to the people, he is not grateful to Allah.” [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]

Focus on what you appreciate in life and in others. Appreciate as much as possible. Express this appreciation to Allah and to people you appreciate. When you are feeling down, shift your energy and focus to what you genuinely appreciate in your life.

Action Tip: Every night, think of at least three things that you are feeling grateful to Allah for. It could be things specific to that day or general things, but it should be GENUINE. One thing that I am always grateful for is the health of my children. It could be anything that you really feel. (I originally read this simple activity in the book “Happy for No Reason” by Marcy Shimoff). Gratitude is an incredible way to feel connected with Allah because you know that He gave you those things. Remember, all help is from Allah . Every good thing you have is from Allah .

“So be patient with gracious patience.” [Qur’an: Chapter 70, Verse 5]

Accept that life is challenging and that it is normal to face hardships and to feel down sometimes. To accept does not mean to approve, it means to understand that we are only human, we are not perfect, and that this world is not always easy.

What “C” Stands For

The “C” stands for: Coping and being Calm.

Cope and Be Calm

“Surely Allah does not change the conditions that a people are in until they change that which is within themselves.” [Qur’an: Chapter 13, Verse 11]

Find ways to cope with stress. Find ways that help you to remain calm. The calm that I am referring to is a strong sense of inner peace.

Examples of coping ideas are: writing, visiting a neighbor, playing sports, taking deep breaths, drinking a glass of water, reading inspirational quotes or poetry, talking to a caring person, sipping hot tea, etc.

Action Tip: Write a list of coping activities that help you cope with stress. Train yourself to use these ideas the next time you are feeling stressed.

What “E” Stands For

The “E” stands for: Exercise.

Exercise is an excellent way to cope with stress. Exercise is not an option but a must in order to have good health. Daily exercise is best. Exercise releases chemicals called endorphins that actually cause you to feel happier.

Action Tip: Schedule time each day for exercise. Find an “exercise buddy” if you can.

What “S” Stands For

The “S” stands for: Self-Strength, Self-Awareness and Self-Study

Trust yourself. Value yourself. Know yourself. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to know everything, but you have positive qualities and strengths. Use them! Develop your self-confidence by learning from your life’s experiences—both the good and the bad.

Action Tip: Write a list of your personal strengths and review them regularly.

Self-awareness means that you remember yourself in all situations. It means that you become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. This is extremely important, because many counseling experts believe that your thoughts cause your feelings, and your feelings cause your actions. Be aware of your inner feelings and learn to control them. If you can learn to control your feelings, then this skill will lead to better actions that lead to a happier life.

Also, learn to put your happiness first (without contradicting the teachings of Islam, of course). Putting your happiness first means that you make decisions that promote your happiness, rather than living life passively. Don’t “lose yourself” in the outer world, in other people’s problems, or in things that bother you. If you have a negative feeling, accept that feeling, be patient with yourself, and find ways to get over that hurdle. Sometimes if you just say out loud, “I feel angry (sad, hurt, etc.),” that can take the power of out of your negative feeling, and then you can resolve the situation more effectively.

Action Tip: Fully acknowledge and state your negative feelings to yourself. This will help you face them more honestly and to overcome them more effectively.

Self-study means that you need to observe yourself and discover methods that bring you happiness. Observe what foods make you feel happy, what habits promote your happiness, etc. Understand that you know yourself better than other people know you; therefore, other people may not understand your choices, because they are not you! Do what is right for you, as long as it is not displeasing to Allah .

Action Tip: Keep a journal of foods, people, activities and other things that promote your happiness.

In conclusion, I hope that this article encouraged you to work at being a happier Muslim for the sake of being a more productive Muslim. Don’t forget to share your thoughts on how to be a happier Muslim in the comments section below!

The post ‘PACES’: A Guide to Being A Happier Muslim appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.