Too often, we have no choice but to accessorize our children with laptops and smartphones in this gadget-filled world, so we have to take responsibility for their disciplined behavior and moderation in their use as well. We buy our kids gadgets to keep them safe, help them with their homework and to keep them out of our hair but we probably didn’t foresee all the problems they can cause.

As parents, we can definitely take steps to change this situation. Will it be hard? Yes. Is it impossible? No.

Here are some ways to curb your child’s gadget addiction:

1. Parental teamwork

Our duty as parents is outlined very clearly in the following hadith. Ibn ‘Umar reported that the Prophet said:

‘Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The amir (ruler) who is over the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is a shepherd in charge of the inhabitants of his household and he is responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband’s house and children and she is responsible for them; and a man’s slave is a shepherd in charge of his master’s property and he is responsible for it. So each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.’ [Abi Dawud]

Hence, it is absolutely essential for parents to discuss and decide how to tackle this situation together as a team. So, what are the pros and cons of our kids having constant access to technology?

Pros: TV shows, electronic games and mobile phones can be brilliant resources for our children. Games aren’t just enjoyable; they can help them expand their ways of thinking not only educationally sometimes, but also in ways that they will need for the technology-rich future. The web and Internet gives access to amazing amount of knowledge. Using multimedia, our children can convey ideas in ways we could only dream of a decade ago.

Cons: However, we must also be aware of the downside of technology for our children. To flourish in the real world children still need emotional resilience, social competence and the basic skills of reading and writing, so we have to ensure that too much technology too soon doesn’t threaten their real-life development or expose them to harmful material.

2. Monitor what your child is watching

For children aged three and above, there are some good kid’s TV shows that can be interesting and educational. What’s more, there are many shows you can enjoy with your kids. Sensible television watching can contribute to child development and family life. Unfortunately, there’s also a lot of rubbish. If children are allowed to have access to the net in the privacy of their bedroom without supervision then it’s very easy for them to access violent or sexually explicit movies as well as YouTube videos with a lot of swearing, for example. Given that children learn by imitation, they will quickly begin mimicking what they hear and see.

Insist that all Internet-connected devices such as tablets and console games are used in a family room and make sure you know what your child is doing on them. Take the TV and other mobile devices out of your kid’s bedroom. An alternative is to insist they have their bedroom door open when they are doing their ‘homework’ on the computer. Keeping the computer in your room too helps limit their usage to what they need to do on the computer. Monitor what your children watch on TV, films and DVD. Keep home entertainment in a shared area of the house to watch with them as often as possible. It’s not about ‘not trusting’ them. It’s about protecting them from things they don’t know.

3. Have clear rules

Set rules for the use of all devices. Only allow mobile phone usage at certain hours in the evening or after homework has been completed. If your kids are old enough to be using the computer on their own, they are old enough to understand that there are rules they need to abide by. Breaking them should not have a lesser consequence than if they broke a rule in the offline world. Having an open line of communication is crucial the minute your kids start using the Internet more independently.

Make sure you know as much as possible about any hardware and software that comes into your home. If you aren’t able to put in the time and energy to find out about an electronic device, don’t let it over the threshold. Agree on time limits for logging on, playing, messaging, etc. each day and stick to them, no matter how much they nag or cry; don’t give in just to silence them.

4. Address online stranger dangers

You may feel like you’re scaring your kids when talking to them about the dangers of being online, but it’s better for them to be scared than to be unaware. Just as we prepare our kids for life in the real world, we should prepare them for life online. Parents are wary about their children having virtual friendships because of stories of pedophiles grooming children on the Internet. It is well established that some people in chat rooms are not who they claim to be and both children and parents need to be alert to this. You need to remind your children that everyone online is a stranger.

Tell your child never to give out their real address or phone number to anyone they meet on the net. Ensure they know that your key concern is their welfare. Explain the advantages and dangers of growing up in a virtual world. Ensure your child knows that if they encounter anything on the net that makes them feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or worried they should let you know.

5. Prioritize real over virtual interactions

There’s no doubt that a child’s brain development depends on warm human contact and first-hand experiences of the world around them. When a child is young, they need to spend lots of time with their parents and other real people (as opposed to virtual people), learning to communicate and get along. They should be exploring real life, starting at home, then moving out into the local area and beyond.

Spend time with your kids, especially when they are young. It was narrated that Hanzalah Tamimi Al-Usaiyidi, the scribe, said:

“We were with the Messenger of Allah  and we spoke of Paradise and Hell until it was as if we could see them. Then I got up and went to my family and children, and I laughed and played (with them). Then I remembered how we had been, and I went out and met Abu Bakr, and said: ‘I have become a hypocrite!’ Abu Bakr said: ‘We all do that.’” So Hanzalah went and mentioned that to the Prophet , who said: “O Hanzalah, if you were (always) as you are with me, the angels would shake hands with you in your beds and in your streets. O Hanzalah, there is a time for this and a time for that.” [Ibn Majah]

6. Inculcate time for books

As your child begins learning to read and write, this will require them to slow down their mind. They have to process sounds into words and words into sentences, while at the same time making sense of what they’re reading. Learning to write means slowing down even more, since you have to make the letters with your pencil, spell the words and sort out your grammar to express what you want to say. On the other hand, electronics speed up the mind. Computer programs encourage children to expect quick-fire, quick-fix learning. If they’re used to computer games, websites and swiping, they’re likely to find learning to read and write boring and laborious. Those who manage to get the basics often can’t be bothered to practice, and true literacy takes years of practice.

Regularly read to your child. You don’t have to buy lots of books; take them to the library. Read Qur’an to them and speak to them in your native language. They can pick up more than one language. Once they have learnt to read, they should read everyday for at least half an hour.

7. Play games with them

Children love to play and be amused. Computer game manufacturers have subtly hijacked the language of play. Many children now think of play as something you do on a PlayStation and games as something you play on an Xbox. As much as distracting children (especially boys) from real-life play, which they need, too much virtual play may actually deter development. From a parental point of view, it’s our duty to help our children grow up to take advantage of the good stuff, rather than be distracted and damaged by the bad stuff too early on.

Despite having ‘interactivity’ all over the advertising, there’s little genuine interactivity about virtual play, at least in the simple games and websites aimed at children. The child has only limited control, with no opportunity for true creativity. But children are easily fascinated, and so they grow dependent on screen-based gadgetry for entertainment, rather than learning to think independently.

Unfortunately, some parents allow their young children to have access to 18-rated violent games, such as Grand Theft Auto and Call of Duty; under-tens often persuade their parents that ‘they’re not that bad’. Fathers, uncles and older brothers play these games in front of young children or allow them to play with them thinking they are toughening up or bonding with them. Adults need to wake up and realize that modern computer violence of this kind is seriously nasty, and because children don’t experience any real pain whilst playing they become desensitized to violence. There is also evidence that it encourages aggressive, violent behavior and creates negative attitudes towards women.

Computer games can be exciting and some help develop new skills. Help your child choose wisely and play new games with him/her so you know what they are. Never give in to pester power. Don’t fall into buying things out of guilt; spending time with your child is better than spending money on your child. The earlier you make this stand, the better, but whatever the age, be firm. If you stick with it, your child will eventually realize you can’t be manipulated.

8. Practice what you preach

Be honest. Are you spending more time with your laptop/phone than with your family? Are your kids just imitating you? You may spend a lot of time on WhatsApp and your partner may like relaxing by playing Halo. So many of us now bring our work home with us or like me work from home, and it’s eating into our family time. When we come home from a busy day we all want to relax and forget about everything, and on-demand movies and unlimited TV shows help us do that. We have to be firm with ourselves about this, and recognize that we need to care more about our actual family and less about the fictional characters on our screens. Always remember to ask yourself if you’re setting a good example.

Switch off your laptop and put your phone on silent when sharing time with your family. Set times when you will check email and messages, and stick to them. Force yourself to keep work and family separate, and don’t let work-based stress overflow into family time. Resist the urge to multi-task at home. For instance, don’t have the TV on when you’re sharing meals and concentrate on the real-life interaction going on around the table.

9. Provide alternatives

Do you feel it’s too late and your child is already too addicted that they may throw tantrums when you change the rules? Maybe it’s turned into a default activity simply because there’s nothing else to do. Here are some suggestions that you can slowly include into their daily activities that’ll help them stay away from their gadgets longer:

• Going swimming or out for a walk or bike ride.
• Easy cooking like making biscuits, fruit salad, or smoothies.
• Going to the library and choosing books to share such as recipe books, activity books, art and crafts.
• Using the library books to plan a meal, plan a project, plan a picnic to the park, get the kids to help you prepare the food.
• Organizing a fancy dress party; all the costumes can be homemade.
• Teaching them a skill: knitting, sewing, gardening. This will really consume a lot of their time healthily.
• Rewarding them with gifts! Children love gifts. Challenge your children to not touch their gadgets except for a specific amount of time and see to it that they use their time efficiently, thereby rewarding them with prizes!

Food, clothing, shelter, love, Islam and our time: that’s what we ‘need’ to give our children. Phones, laptops and tablets are superfluous ‘wants’ that we give our children. Lets take our priorities from Allah and His Messenger and focus on our kid’s real needs.

We hope this helps bring fruitful habits into the household. Share with us other creative ways you’ve tried to successfully curb your child’s gadget addiction!

The post ‘My Child is an iPad Addict’: 9 Tips to Get Your Kids Off Their Gadgets appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Honeybees are fascinating and it’s amazing how much we can learn from a tiny insect! In fact, there is a whole surah in the Qur’an called An-Nahl (The Bee), where Allah says:

“And your Lord inspired to the bee, “Take for yourself among the mountains, houses, and among the trees and [in] that which they construct. Then eat from all the fruits and follow the ways of your Lord laid down [for you].” There emerges from their bellies a drink, varying in colors, in which there is healing for people. Indeed in that is a sign for a people who give thought.” [Qur’an: Chapter 16, Verses 68-69].

In an effort to be among those who ‘give thought’, we will discuss together in this article some lessons that we can learn, ponder upon and implement in our lives, In sha Allah, all inspired by honeybees.

Lesson 1: Honeybees inspire us to reflect and gain knowledge

I’ve always wondered how bees make honey. After doing some research, I found out that bees start making honey, their food, by visiting flowers. They collect a sugary juice called nectar from the blossom by sucking it out with their tongues. They store it in what’s called their ‘honey stomach’, which is exactly what Allah mentions in the aforementioned surah. The color and flavor of honey they produce differs depending on the nectar source.

Practical tip:

To really appreciate this surah, go online and watch a video about how bees make honey. It’s a real-life example you can share with others when explaining that the Qur’an could have only been revealed by Allah . If you have kids in your family, watch it with them and help them understand the wisdom and lessons in the surah.

Lesson 2: Honeybees inspire us to work together

When they have a full load, the bees fly back to the hive. There, they pass the nectar on through their mouths to other worker bees who chew it. It’s passed from one bee to the other, until it gradually turns into honey. Then the bees store the honey in honeycomb cells, which are like tiny jars made of wax. The honey is still a bit wet, so they fan it with their wings to dry it out until it becomes stickier. When it’s ready, they seal the cell with a wax lid to keep it clean. Teamwork is the secret to their success.

Being part of a team makes us all feel special and our family is the first ‘team’ we join. Whether you’re a dad, mum or child, we can all contribute to the success of our family. This also teaches us humility. The goal of a humble honeybee is to play its part in producing honey, while the ultimate goal for a Muslim family is to achieve Allah’s pleasure and attain jannah. Just like a tiny bee, our individual role is crucial in our family; if mum decides to let her kids play on the laptop for hours or dad chooses to spend more time at the gym than with his kids, then everyone in the family will suffer, because the main role is not being played or sought after.

Practical tip:

Think about your attitude towards your family. It’s a question only you can answer: how am I contributing to the success of my team?

Lesson 3: Honeybees teach us to thrive through obeying Allah

I was surprised by how much effort bees put into producing honey. However, what fascinated me more was that Allah divinely inspires honeybees! Allah commands bees to make homes in mountains, trees and hives that people construct. As a direct result of that command, we are able to have bee farms and can harvest and enjoy honey. In effect, Allah has placed bees at our service! Subhan Allah!

I envy honeybees for the simple yet extremely productive life they lead: they are highly organized, focused and produce amazing results as a team, all through obeying Allah’s command!

Practical tip:

Let’s aim to live productive and meaningful lives through obeying Allah : by decreasing the bad habits in our lives like listening to lewd music, watching vulgar TV shows and un-Islamic socializing. Let us also replace those with better habits like reading Qur’an, watching beneficial videos, surrounding ourselves with good people, or simply going to the park with our family and appreciating Allah’s magnificent creation!

Lesson 4: Honeybees teach us to seek pure ‘rizq’

Bees only eat nectar from fresh and clean flowers that no other bee has eaten from. So, their sustenance (rizq) is from a pure source.

On the subject of rizq, Imam Malik was reported to have said:

“No one will die until his provision is completed for him, so behave correctly in your seeking it.” [Muwatta’ Malik – The Decree]

Our rizq is guaranteed by Allah . It’s up to us to decide how to attain it.

Nowadays, obtaining our rizq in a haram way is sometimes easier than the halal option. Serving alcohol in your ‘halal’ restaurant will make you more money. Buying properties with an interest-based mortgage and renting them out is very lucrative. J’Den is located in an area with high potential for growth in the Jurong Lake District, making it an excellent investment opportunity. Selling small quantities of marijuana to your friends is a quicker way to earn money than stacking shelves. In this DocMJ website, you’ll be able to find out the different qualifying conditions that entitles you to medical marijuana.

We can all make excuses to make ourselves feel better, such as: “I’m doing it out of necessity” or “I’m doing it for my kids’ future”, but the bottom line is you will receive no blessings from your haram earnings and your dua will not be accepted.

The Messenger of Allah said:

“Allah the Almighty is Good and accepts only that which is good. And verily Allah has commanded the believers to do that which He has commanded the Messengers. So the Almighty has said: “O (you) Messengers! Eat of the tayyibat [all kinds of halal (legal) foods], and perform righteous deeds.” [23:51] and the Almighty has said: “O you who believe! Eat of the lawful things that We have provided you.” [2:172]” Then he mentioned [the case] of a man who, having journeyed far, is disheveled and dusty, and who spreads out his hands to the sky saying “O Lord! O Lord!,” while his food is haram (unlawful), his drink is haram, his clothing is haram, and he has been nourished with haram, so how can [his supplication] be answered? [Muslim]

Practical tip:

Take the time out to review your finances and make sure the rizq you pursue, not just your food but also your job or business, is pure and clean.

Lesson 5: Honeybees teach us efficiency

We have all heard someone describing his/herself by saying they’re ‘busy as a bee’. This description sums up the life of honeybees: they’re extremely efficient. A large beehive can house up to 60,000 bees and they may collectively travel 55,000 miles and visit two million flowers to gather enough nectar to make just a pound of honey!

Let’s take inspiration from honeybees and work not just hard but efficiently to achieve the best results in whatever actions we do.

Practical tip:

A simple way to increase your efficiency is by changing your sleep pattern. Gradually begin to go to bed earlier and start waking up earlier just by 30 minutes. Late at night, we don’t really get much done, but in the morning, our body and mind are much more alert. In fact, the Prophet specifically prayed for barakah (blessings) in the morning hours:

“O Allah, bless my nation in their early mornings (i.e., what they do early in the morning).” [Ibn Majah]

Lesson 6: Honeybees provide key relationship advice

Did you ever think you could get a relationship tip from a bee? Well, think again! Bees have amazing symbiotic relationships with plants; they are neither greedy nor selfish. In the process of gathering nectar, a bee gives back more to the flower: it transfers pollen grains from one flower to another, hence pollinating the flower for essential fertilization and reproduction to take place.

In our relationships, we should try and give more, just like the honeybee does. It’s good to be generous with our love, attention and time. In addition, while the bee is drinking nectar, it doesn’t harm the delicate petals of the flower.

Practical tip:

Our parents, spouses and children also deserve to be treated with kindness and consideration. Once a week, choose someone you will do something extra special for, like making dinner for your mum, hiring a cleaner to give your wife a break from chores, or playing football with your son. The opportunities for being considerate and generous are endless!

Lesson 7: Honeybees teach us to care about our communities

Bees live together in well-organized hives where every bee has a role to play in its community. The queen bee lays the eggs while worker bees clean the hive and keep the hive’s temperature cool. Some bees protect the hive from intruders while others fly for miles to collect nectar. When a bee returns to its hive, Allah taught it to do a little dance (it’s called the bee dance) to show the other bees the coordinates of the flowers so they can go and feed. A bee cannot survive or make honey on its own; it has to cooperate with its fellow bees.

People are exactly the same: we need to take care of our responsibilities and work with others to create harmonious and productive societies.

Unfortunately in this day and age, the pursuit of wealth and being individualistic and selfish is paramount. Many multinational companies exploit their workers and the environment and only care about profit. As Muslims, we must do our best to resist these harmful ideas and just like the honeybee, share our good fortune, be helpful and look after others.

When honeybees work together they produce more honey then they need, and people can benefit from its healing properties. When Muslims work together for the sake of Allah we too can help humanity by engaging in da’wah, building masjids, setting up Islamic schools and doing charity work.

Practical tip:

Ask your local masjid if you can help out and contact weekend Islamic schools to see if you can volunteer there. If there are no Islamic circles in your area, then get together with like-minded people to see if you can start up a project from scratch. If your circumstances don’t allow you to leave home, look for online opportunities through which you can contribute to your community and the ummah.

What other amazing life lessons can you extract from the lives of honeybees? Share your thoughts in a comment below!

The post 7 Great Life Lessons that Honeybees Teach Us appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.