“So how long have you and Amy been friends for?” I asked Sameera.

“Almost twenty years now,” she replied with a bitter laugh.

Sameera and her husband lived in little cottage house in the suburbs. I couldn’t help but notice how immaculately organized their living room was. ‘Picture perfect’ were the first two words that came to my mind when I first walked in.

“You must very be close then, right?” I asked.

“Of course we are. What kind of question is that?” She frowned.

“I was only stating the obvious. She hosted your birthday dinner at her house, and from what I hear it was extravagant! Caviar, lobsters, a five tiered cake…” I said.

“That’s Amy. She loves to spend money like it’s going out of style. Especially other people’s money.” Sameera half joked.

Last year

“I just love your house. It’s so warm and cozy, like a miniature dollhouse,” Amy marveled.

“You sound like a thesaurus coming up with new terms for the word ‘small’. I know it doesn’t compare to your Beverly Hills mansion, but it’s my home and I love it just the way it is, thank you very much,” Sameera snapped.

“Oh my God, I didn’t mean it that way,” Amy gasped.

“It’s fine,” Sameera waved her hand. “Anyways, so I called the girls and we’re all set for tomorrow…”

“Oh Sam, I’m sorry I can’t make it. Mohanad just told me we’re going to Paris tomorrow for this major business conference. He’s gonna be the keynote speaker. I can’t miss it”

“I don’t believe this. Do you know how long I’ve been preparing for your birthday brunch?”

“I know I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do though”

“Forget it. I always come last with you. What else is new?” 

“Ohhhh please I feel horrible as it is. I’ll make it up to you I promise.” Amy sounded genuinely sorry. “To be honest, I don’t really wanna go on this trip, but there’s no way out of it”

“Why not?”

“I’m only excited about the shopping part, but the rest of it… ugh… I hate those formal events. They’re so boring. And then there’s the after parties with his snooty Parisian friends and I don’t speak a word of French. I sit there nodding and faking smiles till my jaws ache,” Amy complained, only trying to make her friend feel better.

“Well, that’s the price you pay for marrying a rich man. Fakeness and plastic surgeries come with the territory.  Remember back in college when you only fell for the rich guys? You were voted ‘Most Likely To Marry Well’,” Sameera sighed.

“And you were voted ‘Most Likely To Succeed’,” Amy replied.

“But I DID succeed.” Sameera’s tone changed again.

“I know honey, that’s why I…”

“Then what’s with the pity eyes?” Sameera stood up and crossed her arms.

“What pity eyes? I pity myself actually. Did you not hear the ‘jaws ache’ story?”

“There’s more to life than expensive jewelry and Versace dresses, Amy! You know what… Forget it.” Sameera stomped to the kitchen to get something they can both stuff their faces with. Anything to get Amy to stop talking. She looked at the fruit salad she was about to serve, and secretly drizzled it with a teensy bit of strawberry syrup.

A little bit more.

Yup, that should do it.

 Amy ended up in the hospital that night with a persistent rash and of course, sadly, she missed her trip.

 “I was going through Amy’s medical reports. Other than the night of your birthday party, the last time she got a similar allergic reaction, was here in your house. Is this correct?” I asked.

“So what are you insinuating? Every time she gets the hives, I must be blamed for it?” Sameera asked. She was trying to keep her cool, but her body language betrayed her, for I could tell she was extremely uncomfortable.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at…”

“You know, opening this case again makes absolutely no sense. Amy didn’t even bat an eye when the necklace got stolen. She genuinely didn’t care, so why do you?”

“Stolen? The investigations were inconclusive. There’s no proof yet the necklace was stolen. Do you have reason to believe it was?” I sneered.

“I just assumed since it was never found…” Sameera stammered.

“I understand,” I nodded. “Did you see the necklace after the hives incident?”

“How would that be possible? Amy took it off in her room!”

“Amy’s son Hamza said he saw you go upstairs right after dessert. Is that correct?”

“Umm yes. I needed to wash my hands and the guest bathroom was busy. Ask anyone, I was only gone for like five minutes,” Sameera replied quickly.

I put my pen down and folded my arms, staring back at the restless woman for a silent moment.

“I don’t appreciate your accusatory attitude. I’m a college professor. I think I deserve some respect.”

“I apologize if I’ve offended you in any way. I’m just gathering information, it’s nothing personal,” I said as I got up to leave. “One last question, who was occupying the guest bathroom at the time when you had no option but to go upstairs?”

“Ummm, my husband? Why…?”

That same evening

“Oh my God they’re in this together!” My assistant Jenna shrieked. “Sameera and her husband planned the whole thing.”

“Or it could be random,” I added.

“There’s nothing random about her attitude. She’s toxic! She takes everything so personally. Only a guilty person would get this defensive”

“She’s projecting,” I said.

“Eeww like vomiting?”

“No” I laughed. “She’s using projection as a defense mechanism.”

“Elaborate please”

“Okay, I’ll give you an example since you love them so much. Let’s say you step outside wearing those new designer Cat-eye shades. You know they’re in style but deep down feel insecure about wearing them. If someone so much as looks at you a little longer than they should, instead of admitting you feel weird about the shades, you might get defensive like ‘You don’t like them? Do you know how much they cost? Only A-list celebrities wear these. You obviously know nothing about fashion.”. That’s projection. Get it?”

“Umm no?” Jenna had a legendary puzzled look on her face.

“We all have flaws and insecurities, but sometimes they can get too overwhelming, and we find them too painful to deal with. When this happens to you, you might project them onto other people and tell yourself they’re the ones with the flaws, not you. They’re the ones making your life miserable, not you. Instead of facing your shameful, embarrassing or uncomfortable feelings, you pin them on others, making them the villains in your story while you’re the innocent victim. Get it now?”

“Yes”

“Really?”

“No”

“It’s okay, took me a while to fully comprehend it too” I laughed. “I’ll give you examples of different types of projections:

A wife calls her husband ‘uncaring’, ‘insensitive’ and ‘selfish’ when he goes out with his friends. She’s projecting an inner fear of abandonment.

A man says ‘my boss hates me for no reason’ instead of admitting that he’s the one who loathes his boss.

A woman thinks she’s overweight but won’t face that ‘worst female phobia’, so instead she snaps at her loved ones for thinking she’s unattractive, even if they’ve never uttered a word of dismay.

A teenager makes a silly mistake and then gets offended or aggressive when his or her friends jokingly point it out. They’re projecting their insecurities onto other people because deep down they worry they’re not smart enough.

A person is anxious in social situations so they say ‘people are horrible’ instead of admitting to his or her anxiety.

Recognizing our own shortcomings causes pain, and so we use projection to protect ourselves. ‘I’m not envious, they’re envious of me. I’m not ashamed; you’re the one who should feel ashamed. I’m not cheating, you’re the cheater’. Get it?”

“I finally get it. So perhaps Sameera is projecting her inner feeling of jealousy from her friend Amy”

“Exactly”

“How do you fix projectors?” Jenna asked and we both laughed at the pun words.

“So projection allows us to throw out our ugly feelings and insecurities onto others, but the thing is, it’s like a boomerang, those feelings will always find a way to come back to us again. A chronic projector will eventually master the victim’s role and be convinced that everyone else is trying to destroy him. That’s no way to live. Unless we learn to put our egos down (and it’s not easy), it’s almost impossible to cure what we refuse to see. Whenever we feel judged, threatened or criticized, we must take a moment to reflect on the words being said as opposed to how we heard them. Swallow our pride instead of believing every comment or piece of advice is an indirect accusation.”

“You gotta admit, it does seem suspicious. Wasn’t it Sameera’s fault Amy got the hives that night? She’s brought the dessert to her own birthday dinner and insisted it was strawberry free!”

“No, it wasn’t her. It was Nadir.” I said.

“Who’s Nadir?”

“Sameera’s husband…”

To be continued…

What is that utmost important thing that you realized while reading this episode of “Who are you defending?”? Share with us in the comments!

Read Prologue | Episode 1 | Episode 2| Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6

The post “Who Are You Defending?” – Episode 3: Projection as a Self Defense Mechanism appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Currently, many of the former Hujjaj are experiencing intense feelings of longing – when memories resurface to remind them of those precious times in the Holy Lands:

• Remember the serenity of Madinah, and how amazing it was to pray in the Rawdah – right next to the Prophet’s grave?
• Do you recall the awe of the first time you saw the Ka’bah, and how grateful you felt as you made tawaaf – being so close to the center of the Islamic universe?
• How about the simplicity of your ihraam garments, along with the peace of mind as you made your way to Mina for the first time?
• And you definitely can’t forget the intensely desperate dua you made on Arafah during wuqoof – where you stood among millions, but remained in deep, intimate connection with your Creator.
• And what of the ecstasy you felt when the physical exertions had subsided, and it finally sunk in that you had completed the main pillar of Hajj? When you felt completely pure of sin – as clean as a newborn.

Now, turn those emotions into action!

There are incredible memories each of us who went to Hajj experienced, but a memory alone won’t take us back for Hajj. It’s only Allah’s invitation that will open our path to return. To earn that invitation, we need to truly show gratitude for what He gave us.

Allah tells us in the Qur’an, “And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]…” [Qur’an: Chapter 14: Verse 7].

However, true appreciation does not come from lip service. It is manifested in action – trying to live that Hajj by striving to be close to Allah , and being the best we can be. Maybe all the good intentions and plans we made while on Hajj have been buried under the dust of life’s everyday struggles. However, it is not too late.

We are blessed with this sacred season to remind us of those aspirations. We are reinvigorated by the experiences of this year’s honored guests of Allah . We feel it again. We want it again, and we make the intention that, in sha Allah, we will try again.

Therefore, to all the former Hujjaaj, don’t waste these feelings. Use the momentum of this Hajj season. Take these emotions and turn them into something practical that will benefit you on your mission to live the Hajj spirit until you die.

Strive to better yourself, slowly but surely

Whether you had planned to make major changes in your life, or you just aimed to be a little better, remember those goals you made when you were in your purest state.

It is not always straightforward, though. Perhaps your life’s circumstances have changed dramatically – such that your post-Hajj ambitions are no longer realistic. If so, do not fret. It simply means you need to take some time, analyze your life, and come up with new goals. Goals that are perhaps different, but still in line with the spirit of the post-Hajj ambitions you had after your return.

Once you have decided on your goals, do what you can to inch forward towards the destination. Slowly but surely, build yourself up. And remember the beautiful and encouraging hadith:

The Prophet was asked, “What deeds are loved most by Allah?” He said, “The most regular constant deeds even though they may be few.” He added, ‘Don’t take upon yourselves, except the deeds which are within your ability.” [al-Bukhari]

So, let us renew our commitments and find something small – at the very least – that we can do; whether that’s the adoption of some new good deed, or the dropping of something harmful or useless.

With sincere intentions, dedicated efforts, and the help of Allah, in sha Allah, each passing year – each passing Hajj season – will see us getting better and better. And in sha Allah when we get another chance to go back for Hajj, our next ambitions and plans for life after Hajj will push us to even greater heights for our remaining years in this world and beyond.

If you are former Hujjaaj, let us know your thoughts on this article in the comments section.

Also, keep an eye out for Part 2 of this series which will provide a personal plan to make the best of Dhul Hijjah while at home.

May Allah grant all this year’s Hujjaaj a Hajj maqbool and mabroor, and give them the tawfeeq  to live their Hajj ambitions. Ameen

The post [Missing Makkah – Part 1]: Special Advice for Former Hujjaj This Season appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

1. “This is difficult . I don’t know how I will do it any more”, I said to my husband after my 3rd cycle of chemotherapy. He replied,“You should thank Allah that this time chemo is not as bad as the one you took in 2014”.

Reaction: Directed angry looks at him and thought, “ he never understands me, it’s so easy for him to say that!”

2. Excuse me sister/brother, your talking in the masjid is really loud and is distracting me and others from salah, please could you stop talking whilst in the masjid?

Reaction: Who do you think you are to tell me what I can or can’t do? I’ll talk if I want to, now leave me alone.

3. A parent saying to the child, “You are not working hard enough, you need to study more, when I was your age…”.   Child’ response, “You don’t understand anything that is going on in my life! Times have changed, okay! I have so much stress that you don’t even know about, life isn’t the same as it was back in the days, stop putting pressure on me.”

Reaction: An angry household full of parents complaining about ungrateful children, and children complaining about demanding parents.

4. “Scolding (and spanking) the kids is not beneficial. Try to be patient and it will be better for them,” said a mother-in-law when she saw her daughter-in-law scolding the three-year-old child.

Reaction: Silently fuming : “They did the same and it worked with us, now they are advising us to do the opposite!  I can raise MY children the way I want, who is she to get involved?”

Now, look closely at each of those scenarios. The advice given actually seems fair, however, it was hard for me to take it.

Have you ever been in similar situations where you know deep down that the advice is beneficial, but something stops you from accepting it?

Our goal, as productive Muslims, is to make ourselves better than what we were yesterday. Well-meaning advice is actually a part of the beneficial provision that Allah has ordained for us.

Allah says, “…so give good tidings to My servants. Who listen to speech and follow the best of it. Those are the ones Allah has guided, and those are people of understanding.” [Qur’an: Chapter 39 , Verse 17-18]

We need to ask ourselves: what are the reasons we find it difficult to accept advice? Do we see ourselves as better than others? Or do people give advice in a really frustrating way that we end up overlooking what they say because of how they said it?

Let us discuss the reasons why it might be hard for us to take advice, and discuss means to resolve that.

Reason #1: Arrogance

The “I am better than you” syndrome we might sadly suffer from. Taking advice feels like admitting that we don’t really deserve our high status. The dangerous part here is thinking that we are better than someone else. If we don’t want to accept advice from someone, very often we think about the flaws of that person and use that to disqualify them from being in any position to give us advice. But, can any of us really say with certainty that we are better than other people? Even the ones who commit sins openly, do we know what they are like in private? No. So, why do we only allow those we deem as ‘good enough’ to offer us advice?

Remember the Prophet said: “Whoever has a mustard seed’s weight of pride (arrogance) in his heart, shall not be admitted into Paradise.”[Jami` at-Tirmidhi]

Solution: Let’s humble ourselves before Allah first and foremost.  Humbleness is the opposite of arrogance. Once we realize our actual worth; how helpless we are without HIS guidance and mercy, we will be more humble towards the people in our lives too. Let us also be more forgiving towards others, and rather than judge the person, let us judge the content of their words. Too often we take things as a personal attack, this stops us from recognizing the pearls of wisdom that could be embedded in the advice given.

The Prophet said, “..no one will humble himself for Allah’s sake except that Allah raises his status.” [Muslim]

Reason #2: How the advice is given

More often than not, the advice we receive is given in a manner that makes our skin crawl; the arrogant look, the judgmental tone, the place at which the advice is given, the timing…you name it!

So what ends up happening is confrontation. You get offended rather than benefited. It is very hard to filter the content when it seems like harsh criticism, but that is when we need to remember the importance of patience and keep our cool.

A person may sound like they are passing judgement, but what they are saying might actually lead to you gaining more reward from Allah ?

Solution: Thank Allah for bringing this person into your life because he/she is helping you gain more hasanat. Another way to overcome this is to recognize that a lot of times, people give their unsolicited opinion in order to gain a reaction, when you give the expected annoyed reaction, it fuels them. So, rather than have a confrontation, thank them for their words, smile and move on with your life. A lot of us are probably trying to seek forgiveness for the mountains of sins that we have, let’s not add to that by getting involved in an unnecessary confrontation.

Let this uncomfortable scenario be a means for you to earn hasanaat through your patience, and acquire Allah’s forgiveness.

“…And let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” [Qur’an: Chapter 24, Verse 22]

Reason #3: Wrong timing

This is one of my current favorites. You see, I’m currently going through my second chemo in two years. I have a short fuse, and when my well-intended friends who love me dearly send messages about being strong in trials and making the most of the difficult period and so on, I just blow up!

I calm down quickly, but I do blow up!

( Psst… they don’t know about it, so let this be a secret between us, OK?)

Solution: Don’t rush to react. Take a deep breath and divide the advice into 2 parts: the actual advice and the emotional drama that unfolds within you. Store the advice in your mind for later, and work on controlling the emotions first. In sha Allah, by time and practice, you will become an expert at controlling your emotions and you’ll manage to extract the advice and benefit from it. Honestly speaking, after silently shedding some tears of frustration upon reading those messages, I swear I feel better because of that very same advice that made me blow up. They get me more determined to be “productive” in my trying times. I say alhamdullilah for receiving advice because, otherwise, I would have gotten lost in self pity.

Reason #4: Laziness and fear of failure

Yes, you read it right: laziness. Even though we attend productivity lectures, we don’t follow through with what they teach us, as we are too lazy to leave our comfort zone and try something new. Or we may be too afraid to fail. For example, when my husband got me a new laptop with a different operating system, I was pretty upset about learning how to use it!

Solution: Conquer your laziness. Be more determined to make the changes and always learn from them. If we want to be better human beings, we have to make a lot of changes in our habits and attitudes. Once we decide to do that, advice will be easy to accept and implement, in sha Allah. A lot of times, people want to do a massive overhaul of their character, thinking they will make a dramatic change in their lives. When they are unable to achieve or sustain this process, they give up completely.

Change is easiest when we work on small habits. Dropping bad ones and picking up small good acts and remaining consistent. The Prophet said “Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah is the most regular and constant even if it were little.” [Sahih]

Reason #5:The generation gap

When the advice comes from elders, we tend to feel, “what do they know about the struggles we face today.” If the advice comes from youngsters, we tend to feel, “ how can they advise us, they have no experience,” and then we ignore the advice.

In reality, however, the elders have that magical ingredient called “experience” that makes what they say correct at least 50% of the time, and the youngsters have knowledge that we didn’t have access to when we were young.

Solution: Realize where the advice is coming from. If the advice is coming from someone who loves you; your parent, siblings, spouses, friends…etc, know that they mean ONLY good for you. Listen carefully to their advice. It doesn’t matter whether they are young or old, just pay attention. At no point in our lives do we ever become experienced enough that we can no longer receive advice. If we ever feel like we have reached that point, we run the risk of becoming arrogant, and seeing ourselves as better than others. Musa was a Messenger of Allah , yet he accepted that Khidr had knowledge which he didn’t have and tried his best to pay attention. The Prophet frequently took advice from his companions and wives regarding important matters.

Remember also that if/when the advice comes from your parents, you must show the best of patience towards them. Sometimes it can be very frustrating and we feel like our parents have no idea on the kind of struggles we go through today, but Allah says

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Qur’an: Chapter 17, Verse 23] .

One thing to bear in mind each time we answer back to our parents, if Allah set the mere expression of ‘uff’ as forbidden and not allowed, imagine the sins that could be piled up when we actually answer back rudely!

And last but not the least…

Remember the companions of the Prophet

They had to literally leave many habits and activities after they accepted Islam, and they were constantly advised on how to be better Muslims. If they stopped taking the advice that was coming their way, or rejected it on the basis of the age/status of the one giving advice etc, would they have become who they’ve become? No. They were grown men holding important positions, yet they constantly humbled themselves and took the beneficial advice that came their way. Islamic history is strewn with this type of examples.

I personally am giving myself advice through this article. The benefit that I hope for you and me is that we become better people and become among those Allah called as ‘people of understanding’ [Qur’an: Chapter 39, Verse 18].

May Allah make us of those who accept beneficial advice; those whose goal is to be guided and be people of understanding. Ameen.

Please share with us your thoughts and reflections below.

The post Why We Don’t Take Advice Productively and How to Solve That appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

The reality is that setting a goal for yourself is easy. What is challenging is keeping yourself motivated and renewing that motivation to keep you focused and invested in that particular goal. It is not always easy to stay motivated, but with the proper tools and support in place, you can do anything you put your mind to, In sha Allah.

Here are 6 ways you can get yourself back on track with your goals:

1. Make a commitment to Allah and to yourself

In anything we do, it is important to make a pure intention and a commitment to Allah in whatever you are setting out to achieve. Make the intention with a pure heart and ask Allah for sincere support and guidance.

Narrated by ‘Umar bin Al-Khattab : I heard Allah’s Messenger saying, “The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.”  [Bukhari]

While the remaining tips have very specific steps that I recommend that you take, it is important to mention that everything happens the way in which Allah intends it to. So if you do not achieve your goal the first time, keep trying and In sha Allah if it is meant to be in your life, then surely it will happen. If not, then there is something better on its way, In sha Allah.

Abu Hurairah  reported that the Messenger of Allah said, “The supplication of every one of you will be granted, [provided] he does not get impatient.”  [Bukhari]

2. Revisit, revive and acknowledge your goal

The next thing to do when you get off track from a goal is to revisit the goal you had.

Was it written down? Did others know that you were trying to achieve that goal? How were you tracking your progress?

People often end up getting off track when a goal is set, but there is no real tangible plan of action set to achieve that goal in the first place. Other times it is because you may be feeling isolated because others cannot relate to the goal, and so you let yourself get distracted thinking that one day or two days away from the goal would not make a difference. The trouble is, that one day turns to one week, and one week to one month, and next thing you know, you feel disappointed that you failed.

Make achievable goals:

• Set a goal with the end results in mind.
• Once you know what your goal is, you need to write it down.
• Make a pure intention to achieve it.
• Break that goal down into manageable and less daunting tasks by setting smaller goals as milestones.

3. Create a tracking tool to measure your progress

You may make your tracking tool as fancy or as simple as you want it to be. Ultimately, it is so that you can record your investment of time and effort towards your goal each day.

For some it is as easy as buying a calendar, sticking it up on a wall and then marking off each day that you accomplish your goals. For others it may be a calendar and an excel spreadsheet to keep track of daily, weekly and/or monthly milestones. Not to mention, the dozens of goal tracking apps now available.

Whichever method you prefer, make it a habit and incorporate it into your daily routine. Decide when you want to check in with your calendar or spreadsheet. Is it first thing in the morning or the last thing you do before you go to bed? Creating a routine for yourself helps ensure that the tasks get done consistently. Make your tracking tool as continuously visible as possible, so every time you look at it, you know you’re in the process of making a great achievement and that you’re getting there.

4. Announce your goal and create a group of “cheerleaders”

Once you are confident about what your goal is and how you are going to achieve it, then the next thing you need is accountability.

In other words, a person or people that will continue to hold you accountable and encourage you along the way. They should be your cheerleaders, your pep talk people who give you that added boost when you are feeling down or demotivated. They are the friends who remind you to order a hearty salad instead of junk food for instance. They look out for you and support you no matter what!

They can be physical friends or even virtual friends on Facebook or through other social media tools. It would be an added bonus if they are sharing the experience. The point is that you know when and how you can get in touch with them when you need it.

5. Celebrate your milestones, no matter how big or small

No matter how big or small, you should find a way to celebrate your milestones. Treat yourself and take a moment to be truly grateful for what you have achieved, and look back for a quick moment to see how far you have come.

In Islam we talk about barakah, and in other places we are taught about the law of attraction and abundance.

Narrated by Abu Hurairah , Allah’s Messenger said:

“If any one of you improve (follows strictly) his Islamic religion then his good deeds will be rewarded ten times to seven hundred times for each good deed and a bad deed will be recorded as it is.”  [Bukhari]

Sincerity and gratitude is what is behind barakah or abundance. The more grateful you are for where you have reached, the more your life will get better, In Sha Allah, and the more motivated you will be to continue to achieve your goals.

6. If you stumble or fall, just get up and keep moving forward!

Last but not least, if you do find yourself stumbling, then take a moment, ground yourself, and pray for guidance and repeat steps 1 – 5, In Sha Allah. There is no harm in starting over.

It is never too late to start again. It is really not about how many times your start over, or how many times you fail. What is important is that you keep trying, and that you continue to work towards that goal.

With hard work, come results. You can do it! I know you can.

Please share your tips on how to get back on track with your goals – leave a comment below!

The post 6 Steps to Get Back on Track With Your Goals appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

What’s the science behind the forming of habits? How do certain things we do become an integral part of our lives and our second nature? Check out this month’s doodle based on part 2 of the Better Habit-Making Series: A Scientific Perspective.

[Click here to view/download high resolution version of this doodle/infographic]

The post [Doodle of the Month] Better Habit Making: A Scientific Perspective appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Have you thought about how the dead weight of sins and bad habits we carry in our heart can seriously affect our productivity? Check out this month’s doodle based on part 1 of the Better-Habit Making series: Purifying the Heart.

[Click here to view/download high resolution version of this doodle/infographic]

The post [Doodle of the Month] Better Habit Making – Purifying the Heart appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

The Ramadan Guilt Trip

I’ll let you in on a little secret: Last year’s Ramadan left me feeling guilty when Eid arrived. I had intended to complete many things during Ramadan — memorise some surahs from the Qur’an, complete several readings of the entire Qur’an, and to pray taraweeh in congregation daily, just to name a few.

But as Ramadan drew to a close, all I had were memories of delaying my Qur’an recitations and memorisation, and having to skip numerous congregational taraweeh for completing other assignments and projects.

It was so bad that I recall myself tearing as the Eid takbir played over the airwaves after Maghrib. A mixture of anger and disappointment in myself washed over me as I realized I had wasted my time in Ramadan.

So what went wrong?

Facts from the ‘2011 Productivity in Ramadan Report’

While researching for this article, I came across a Productivity in Ramadan Report written by Productive Muslim and Dinar Standard. The entire report is an interesting read, but the three biggest takeaways for me are these facts:

1. I am not alone in feeling the Ramadan Guilt Trip

According to the report, 65% of the Muslims interviewed felt that they “could do better” in terms of engaging in spiritual activities in Ramadan, while close to ⅕ are “very disappointed” in what they have achieved. Only 18% of interviewees are satisfied with what they have managed to do.

That means a whopping ⅘ of the approximately 1,600 Muslims interviewed felt the same way I did when Ramadan ended: Guilty!

2. The challenge is in Qur’anic recitation and performing taraweeh

The report stated that more than ⅔ of the interviewees struggled with their Qur’an recitation in Ramadan, while more than half struggled with their focus. Additionally, 47% had trouble performing the taraweeh prayers regularly.

Who would have known that most of the respondents of the survey too struggled with the same issues I faced?

3. The Upside: All of us want to do better

Lastly, the report said that while we Muslims often struggle with spirituality issues in Ramadan — and often feel guilty when Ramadan ends — 77% of us do harbour the intention to try and maintain our productivity in Ramadan.

With the above uplifting findings in mind — that all of us do want to improve our spirituality and productivity in Ramadan — I’ve written this article to address the root causes of our Ramadan Guilt Trip, and to suggest 5 tips we can implement to avoid feeling guilty at the end of the next Ramadan.

I hope the article benefits you as much as it has benefited me whilst I was researching it, In sha Allah.

Root Cause of the Ramadan Guilt Trip

I first came across the term “Ramadan Guilt Trip” whilst reading the 30 Tips for a Guilt-Free Ramadan free ebook by Abu Productive.

In the introduction of the ebook, he mentioned several reasons why a lot of Muslims end up feeling guilty when Ramadan ends.

These reasons include:

• Having unrealistic expectations
• Not easing oneself into Ramadan
• Lack in istiqamah (steadfastness)
• Energy and time management issues
• Lack of community support
• Lack of knowledge and training
• Lack of fitness
• Missing a spiritual link with Ramadan

As the 2011 “Productivity in Ramadan Report” similarly concludes: “there is a need for Muslims to better prepare for Ramadan”.

In short, the root cause why most of us faced the Ramadan Guilt Trip was because we failed to plan for Ramadan! And as the old adage says:

“Failing to plan is like planning to fail”

Here are 5 tips on how we can avoid the Ramadan Guilt Trip and not make the same mistakes every year.

5 Tips to Avoid The Ramadan Guilt Trip

TIP 1: Plan Your Goals And Strategy Ahead

Approximately a week before Ramadan begins, dedicate an hour or two to clarify your intentions and goals for Ramadan. Get it down on paper instead of just having it in your mind.

Why?

Because when you write your intentions and goals down, you are consciously giving them due attention, and subconsciously committing yourself to them instead of being wishy-washy about it.

You could begin by asking yourself the 5 questions, Kipling’s six honest serving-men — the Where, Who, What, Why, When and How:

1. The WHERE question (self-image):

Where am I right now?

As Abu Productive mentioned in his ebook, two reasons why Muslims fail to achieve what they intended to are: 1. having unrealistic expectations and 2. failing to ease themselves into Ramadan.

To avoid the same mistakes, we should thus take ourselves into account first by asking ourselves where we are right now in relation to our scale of spiritual deeds. To pinpoint our location, we could ask ourselves: How many times do I pray a day? Do I read the Qur’an everyday? If so, how many pages do I read?

We need to be really honest to ourselves when answering the WHERE question, for the answers will set the tone for the rest of the questions.

2. The WHO question (ideal identity):

Who do I want to be when Ramadan leaves me?

Once we have taken account of where we are at this moment, we should then ask ourselves where we want to be; or rather, WHO we want to be when Ramadan ends.

“Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously). To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself.” —James Clear, author of Identity-based Habits

According to Clear, when we shape a new identity for ourselves, we are essentially telling ourselves that we can be this “improved” person. This makes it easier for us to stay motivated to stick to new habits we want to form.

It is, however, essential to answer the WHO question in relation to the WHERE question in order to avoid unrealistic expectations.

3. The WHAT question (goals)

What do I wish to achieve during Ramadan?

After determining the ideal person we wish to be by the end of Ramadan, the next step is to figure out what we wish to achieve in terms of goals in order to get to that identity.

The WHAT-answers we come up with should be specific and attainable, which means we should always keep where we are in mind.

For instance, if we have not been reading the Qur’an for a long time and we have trouble reading Arabic, it would be rather unrealistic to aim to complete reciting the Qur’an thrice in Ramadan. Likewise, if we have not been praying 5 times a day, it would be somewhat challenging to want to pray all the sunnah prayers throughout Ramadan.

Remember the Prophet’s advise:

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet said: “Take on only as much as you can do of good deeds, for the best of deeds is that which is done consistently, even if it is little.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

We should thus try to avoid setting overly ambitious goals, only to burn out after the first week of Ramadan.

4. The WHY question (intentions):

Why do I want to do the actions I am committing to?

Once we have written the goals down, the next thing to determine is the intention behind our wanting to achieve those goals. Research has shown that internal motivations trump external motivations. Hence, it is crucial that we spend some time to contemplate on our intentions.

It was narrated from ‘Umar bin Al-Khattab that the Prophet said: “Actions are but by intentions, and each person will have but that which he intended. …” [Sunan an-Nasa’i]

Additionally in the hadith above, the Prophet advised that if our intentions are for other than Allah (e.g. to lose weight), then we will only get what we intended for. If so, we will only disappoint ourselves again at the end of Ramadan if we fail to address our intentions at the very beginning.

5. The HOW question (strategy)

How will I complete the goals?

At this point, we will have determined the starting and ending points of our Ramadan journey and why we are undertaking the journey. What we should do next is to figure out how we will get there.

When we figure out the answers to the HOW question, we are essentially creating a strategy for ourselves. A good way to approach this is to break up our end-goals into smaller milestones, and then spread them throughout the entire period of Ramadan.

Remember, the most important advice to always keep in mind is:

“Take on only as much as you can do of good deeds, for the best of deeds is that which is done consistently, even if it is little.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

6. The WHEN question (milestones)

By when will I complete these goals?

Lastly, after determining the milestones, we should then allocate a specific date by which to complete them. Be realistic in determining our due dates.

Case in point, I have a group of friends who regularly complete a full recital of the Qur’an together, and we used to complete one recitation each month with ease. Feeling ambitious, we decided to change it to once every week instead! Needless to say, things quickly deteriorated as many of us struggled to complete. We have hence decided to aim for a more reachable target of twice a month instead.

In addition to considering the attainability of our targeted spiritual actions, we would also need to consider all our non-Ramadan assignments and projects and their due dates when setting deadlines for our milestones. Ask: Will we be able to commit to both responsibilities within that specific time frame?

To sum up Tip 1: if there is only one tip you would like to take implement in your life, it is to plan your Ramadan ahead of time.

TIP 2: Track Your Schedule, Plan Your Time

In one of the several life experiments that I performed last year, I decided to consciously track how I made use of every single minute of my day. To conduct the experiment, I downloaded the iOS app called iTrackMyTime.

With this app, I was able to log my actions throughout the entire day in relation to time spent, and in return, the app beautifully calculates and shows my data to me in an infographic.

What I learnt, in a nutshell, is that although I deemed my relationship with Allah to be my utmost priority, in reality I spent very little time building my relationship with Him.

By Time, verily man is in loss. [Qur’an: Chapter 103, Verses 103:1-2]

Hence, my second tip would be that we should first make it a point to be conscious of our daily schedule. By using apps like iTrackMyTime or even just good old pen and paper, we would be forced to be more aware of what we truly spend our time on (and just how much we have been wasting). Once we are aware of how we spend our time, we could then better plan our time for the month of Ramadan.

Are all the hours usually spent preparing food and eating? As appropriate, replace a part of that with a beneficial alternative like reciting the Qur’an! All the five-minute-breaks we usually waste on social media — fill them up with reading the tafsir instead!

I find that breaking down my time into hours and writing down what I will be doing in those hours helps me to complete my tasks better than simply having a generic to-do list.

One of the bonuses of Ramadan is that it urges us to wake up before Fajr, something that a lot of us struggle with. In fact, it is like having an additional hour in our days as we are now awake at the time we usually sleep. Make full use of that hour to engage in spiritual activities. After all, Prophet Muhammad did make du’a for blessings to be present in our mornings:

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet said: “O Allah, bless my nation in their early mornings.” … [Sunan Ibn Majah]

For steps to become an early riser, you might want to check out my article here.

TIP 3: Track Your Habits And Milestones During Ramadan

In Tip 1, we have drawn out our strategy for Ramadan — our battle plan.

However, a plan remains only as a plan unless we are consistent in carrying it out; an architect’s building plans can never come to life unless work gets done on it!

Therefore, it is essential that you take note of your habits and milestones in order to keep yourself on track.

For those of you who spend a lot of time on your gadgets, it would probably be a good idea to invest in one of the many habit-tracking applications available today. I currently use the free Good Habits iOs app on my iPhone that enables me to key in all the small daily habits I would like to do daily.

Using Seinfeld’s “do not break the chain” method, every day the app reminds me to do the habit, and then gets me to cross it off when done. Day by day, as the length of my habit chain grew, I got more motivated and ensured that it does not get cut off!

A good thing about Good Habits app is that I can pause certain habits — to-do entries. i.e. — whenever needed, especially useful for us ladies.

For those of you who are not as attached to your gadgets, you can just take a piece of paper, draw (or print) 30 boxes for each habit, and check off a box each day as you complete the respective habit! A good idea would be to place the paper somewhere that you have no choice but to view it, just like the reminder function in the Good Habits app.

TIP 4: Start Journaling

Once we have started tracking our habits and milestones, we should also dedicate at least five minutes at the end of each day journaling our progress, be it in an essay format or in point form (for those who hate writing!).

In his free e-book The Practice of Intent, Shaykh Ebrahim Schuitema writes on the importance of journaling:

“So what the journaling does is give us the opportunity to abstract, to literally pull ourselves back from day to day events, it allows us to pull back further and further, in order to see the much bigger picture.

“Most of us cannot see the wood for the trees. We are stuck with our faces pressed so close to the glass of the events and experiences of our lives that we cannot see them objectively. With the journaling we are trying to learn how to see the wood and the trees.” —Shaykh Ebrahim Schuitema

By keeping a daily journal of our day and progress, no matter how brief, we are allowing ourselves to be conscious of our actions, and to be more receptive to the messages Allah is Conveying to us in our conversations with Him.

From your daily journals, set aside some time to create a weekly summary. And from your weekly summaries, set aside some time for a monthly summary. In sha Allah, the journals will really help us to keep track of our position in our Ramadan journey, giving us clues as to whether we should step things up, or to slow down and take a breather.

As we become more in tune with our actions, journaling will also provide us with clues as to why we might be struggling to achieve certain milestones and excel at others. With these clues, we can then adjust our Ramadan strategies accordingly early on before we waste the entire month away, bi idhnillah.

TIP 5: Get your smart gadgets to make you smart

The last tip would probably resonate more with those who are in their teens and twenties, young adults and youth who are the gadget-generation! Let’s face it: some of us know that many of us are hopelessly married to our smart gadgets, and we all know that we need to do something about it, especially during Ramadan (which is why we get so many requests on this topic here at Productive Muslim)!

Knowing precisely all the above is the reason why I embarked on another of my life-experiments last year — dumbing down my smart phone.

In his book Hooked, author Nir Eyal states that successful smartphone applications are those that ensure users make a habit of coming back to it. As I mentioned in my Habit-Making series, Instagram uses ‘likes’ notifications to keep its users returning, craving the reward of peer-validation. All other successful social media applications work the same way!

Hence, to cut off the problem of smart gadgets addiction, I suggest that we go cold turkey: delete all the time-wasting apps like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter from our phones!

To make it a little easier, we could tell ourselves that we are embarking on an experiment, just like I did with mine. By telling myself that I am on an experiment, I remove the pressure of failing, and I subconsciously tell myself that I just have to hang on for a certain number of days. In actuality, by the time I end the experiment, I would have already achieved in getting what I need done (i.e. kill my social media addiction!)

After dumbing down our smartphones and tablets, the next thing we should do is to curb our social media usage on our laptops and desktops. To do this, we can use several applications:

1. StayFocused (Chrome only): The free StayFocused chrome application helps you to limit the time you spend on time-wasting websites. Once your allotted time has been used up, the sites you have blocked will be inaccessible for the rest of the day. The app is also highly configurable, allowing you to block or allow entire sites, specific subdomains, specific paths, specific pages, even specific in-page content.
2. RescueTime (Mac/Linux/Windows): With the RescueTime free application, you can easily view what you do on your desktop. One of the most important things about RescueTime is that there is no data entry needed —  you just have to install a small application on your computer and the app magically tracks what software and which websites are actively being used (while you are online). You can then set goals (e.g. spend only 1 hour on social media sites), and a weekly report will be sent to you.

However, the magic of RescueTime lies in its paid option (US $9/month; $6/month for annual subscription). With the paid option, it allows you to track offline time, get notifications when you achieve your daily goals, gives you a daily report, and even block websites that are distracting!

I have been using RescueTime Premium (email them your student status to get 30% off) for a week or so now, and I am highly considering on making the investment. As a freelance writer and web developer, I perpetually sleep with my laptop and the app has successfully ensured that I procrastinate less and deliver more!

3. SelfControl (Mac only): When I REALLY need to get things done and stop aimlessly browsing the web, I turn to the free application SelfControl. A free application that lets you block your own access to distracting websites, your mail servers, or anything else on the Internet. All I have to do is just set a period of time to block for, add sites to your blacklist, and click Start. Until that timer expires, I will be unable to access those sites, even if you restart your computer or delete the application! Brutal! But drastic times call for drastic measures.

All in all, if you have been keeping track of your time, you would really be able to see the huge amount of time wasted on social media applications — all the minutes on the train, walking, just sitting down, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling…

Imagine all the things we can accomplish during that time!

Conclusions

Let us revisit the 5 tips on how we can avoid feeling guilty at the end of Ramadan this year on:

1. Plan your goals and strategy ahead of time
2. Track your schedule, then plan your time
3. Track your habits and milestones during Ramadan
4. Start journaling during Ramadan
5. Get your smart gadgets to make you smarter

And for last and most important tip, remember to consistently make du’a to Allah , for all power and change lies only with Him. With Him lies ease, and with Him lies difficulty, so let us rely not only on the various tips, articles, and applications, but to rely first on Allah .

May Allah grant us the rizq of a blessed Ramadan. May He accept our struggles to change for His sake as good deeds. May we leave Ramadan as part of the 18% of Muslims who leave Ramadan knowing that they have done the best they could. Ameen!

So adopt, adapt and try out some of these tips. Tell us about the challenges you faced in the process. We’d love you to share your experiences, tips and tricks in comments below so everyone can benefit, In sha Allah!

P.S: Benefited from this article? Join our Productive Ramadan Online Course – a simple, practical and complete blueprint for leading a Productive Ramadan inshaAllah!

The post The Ramadan Guilt Trip — Here’s How To Beat It! appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

In Part 1 of this series, I explained how in the Islamic worldview the success of forming a new habit depends on the state of the heart. By keeping the heart clean from vices and full of remembrance of Allah , it is in man’s nature to change his actions for the better.

In this part, I will explain habit formation from the perspective of Western science and how we can utilize this knowledge to help us build our habits.

The Role of Basal Ganglia

In the 1990s, several researchers from Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s (MIT) department of Brain and Cognitive Sciences began looking into a part of the brain close to where it meets the spinal column: the basal ganglia. They made initial observations that animals with injured basal ganglia tended to have problems with tasks such as learning how to run through mazes, while they had no problem doing so previously.

They then launched a series of lab experiments and concluded that the basal ganglia was “central to recalling patterns and acting on them,” [1] which meant that while the rest of the brain goes to sleep after enough repetitions of an act, the basal ganglia stores them as habits and takes over the process.

The hijacking done by the basal ganglia is the reason why we sometimes find ourselves driving straight home when we actually wanted to make a detour to the store. It is also why we find ourselves halfway through prayer before realizing that we did not actually register what we were doing; the basal ganglia has automated the process!

The Three-Step Loop

According to Charles Duhigg, author of the best-selling book “The Power of Habit”, the automation of the process within our brains occurs in a three-step loop:

Step 1: Cue — a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and informs it of what to do next.
Step 2: Routine — the behavior itself, which can be physical, mental, or emotional.
Step 3: Reward — helps the brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering in the future.

Overtime, this loop — cue, routine, reward; cue, routine, reward — becomes more and more automatic. The brain latches on to a cue and associates it with a corresponding behavior and reward. The cue and reward then become intertwined until the basal ganglia relate them together, creating a powerful sense of anticipation.

Eventually, a habit is born.

The 3-step loop might seem too simplistic to some, but the truth is that the knowledge of the loop is so powerful that huge corporations actually implement it when shaping their products to make us (consumers) addicted to using them.

Nir Eyal, in his book “Hooked”, explains how product makers, through consciously deciding triggers for their users (cue), actions that they want the users to take (routine), and the variable reward that the users will receive (reward), create a product that users cannot help but return to time and again. And we wonder why we are so addicted to the likes of Facebook and Instagram!

So the question is, how can we use the 3-step loop to help us build new habits?

Tip 1: Choose Unavoidable Cues

Instead of creating a fresh cue to trigger your new behavior, try to pinpoint a current habit you already have and make that a trigger to start a new habit.

In practical terms: When I wanted to start on a new set of adhkar to recite every morning, I chose my already existing behavior of reading the Qur’an after Fajr as the cue for reading the adhkar. This way, overtime, it becomes natural for me to just continue my extended dhikr after reciting the Qur’an; I don’t need to rely on additional internal motivation because my cue already exists.

Tip 2: Make the Cues Obvious

To make habit-building even easier, set up your environment in such a way that your cues are highly visible and obvious.

In practical terms: Going back to my new dhikr habit example, how I reduce even more resistance is by placing the phone application I use to store my dhikr right next to my Qur’an application. This way, the moment I close my Qur’an application, the first thing that I see is the dhikr application, my cue to open it and start reading.

Tip 3: Start With the Smallest Behavior (Routine)

One of the biggest hindrances to forming new habits is when our mind starts thinking about the huge effort that we need to exert to complete that specific behaviour. For example, the dhikr recitation habit that I am in the process of building would require at least 30 minutes of my time.

The truth is, sometimes just thinking about having to recite additional adhkar for 30 minutes saps the energy out of me and I start finding excuses to put off building the habit.

In practical terms: Instead of thinking about the entire length of the dhikr, I focus on just completing the first part of the dhikr that would take me approximately 5 minutes. And because of the Zeigarnik Effect (which explains that it is in our human nature to finish what we start), my brain then forces me to continue turning the page until I get to the end. Voilà, 30 minutes down, Alhamdulillah!

Tip 4: Identify A Reward

The fourth tip is to identify a reward for yourself upon completion of your new habit. By doing this, according to Duhigg, you are helping your brain figure out if it is worthwhile to take note of the cue and the expected action to take.

In practical terms: In my dhikr habit example, I identified not one, but two rewards to keep me going. The first reward is the feeling of gratitude for the peaceful state of heart that He promises those who spend time in His remembrance (Qur’an: Chapter 13, Verse 28). The second reward is being able to check off that task in my Habits Tracking application.

By identifying these rewards, I am subconsciously making it easier for my brain to remember that putting the extra effort to inculcate that specific habit will “pay off” in the end.

Bonus Tip 5: Build On Your Keystone Habits First

Duhigg defines a keystone habit as “a behavior or routine that naturally pulls the rest of your life in order”. For some people, it might be exercising, and for others, it might be journalling.

As for us Muslims, the first keystone habit we should work on (if we have yet to do so) is our fardh prayers. Prophet Muhammad reminded us numerous times to guard our prayers, and it is something that we should all work above all else.

Prayer not only teaches us to be disciplined in our actions and to manage our time properly, but more importantly, prayer is a connection between us and our Creator. It also washes away our sins and cleanses our heart, thus making building good habits easier.

A Final Note

To conclude this article, I’d just like to share that I truly understand that building new habits can be hard. I particularly am still struggling to sustain my newly formed dhikr habit to last longer than 20 days; there would always be something (an excuse really) interrupting my flow.

Once, frustrated at my failures to remain constant with my new habits, I complained to Shaykh Yahya Rhodus of my shortcomings and shared how hard I felt it was to change. He flashed a kind smile and said:

“Just pick yourself up, wipe the dust off and move forward. Shaytaan will always place doubt in your hearts, telling you to lose hope and go back to your old ways, especially when you are down. Just ignore him, pick yourself up and keep moving forward (shows action of wiping dust off hands). Don’t dwell. Pick yourself up, and keep moving forward.“

May Allah purify our hearts and beautify our actions, and may He make it easy for us to follow in the footsteps of the most beloved of His creations, Sayyidina Mustafa Rasulillah . Ameen!

The cue-routine-reward process can only be beneficial if you actually apply it. So, now that you know all about it, I’d like you to think of a habit you’ve been struggling to develop, apply the 3-step loop to it, and share the result below!

[1] Duhigg, Charles. “The Power of Habit” (e-book). Chapter 1, Part 2.

The post [Better Habit-Making – Part 2] A Scientific Perspective appeared first on ProductiveMuslim.com.

Are you having a hard time sticking to your new year resolutions? Perhaps you’ve been frustrated and disappointed over and over again seeing your grand plans of change fall apart?

Don’t worry, I’ve been there. We’ve all been there.

Let’s try again. This time, with the proper understanding and knowledge of habit-making.

Why I Got Interested in Habits

I remember coming out of the conference hall, all excited and motivated to be a better Muslimah. Listening to humbling reminders from an all-star shuyukh lineup and having conversations with numerous inspiring Muslimahs (or Muslims, if you’re a brother) tends to have that impact on people, especially me.

I went home and drew up a master plan of what my days would look like:

Tahajjud at 4 A.M., followed by an hour of the Qur’an, followed by some revisions for school before praying Fajr. Then I would burn the track before getting ready for school. I would then be on time for all my classes, come home, spend another hour with the Qur’an and listen to more lectures online. In between, I would pray all my prayers on time, including all the sunnah prayers, both before and after.

Things went great on the first day. I was roaring with enthusiasm. By the third day I was exhausted, but I pushed myself. By the fifth day, I had significantly reduced my sunnah prayers and my running shoes stood dejected by the door. By the seventh, I had suffered a total burnout.

I got depressed, demotivated and soon returned to my old ways. The cycle then repeats when a new conference comes into town. Instead of changing small habits over time, I tried to change my whole being in one shot.

And I know many of us are stuck in the same cycle too. A great tool that you can use to keep track of your progress achieved toward building (or destroying) a habit is ProductiveMuslim’s Habitator.

“In order for us to realize our God-given potential within our lifetimes, we must break the cycles of stagnation that prevent us from doing so by abandoning methods that have proven ineffective in fulfilling our responsibilities as people committed to Islam. We can accomplish this only by changing our current condition — this requires courage, commitment and above all, critical introspection.” — Shaykh Hamza Yusuf (Agenda to Change our Condition)

The Heart, The Brain, and Habits

In my quest to learn more about habits and how we can change them, I decided to look at both Islamic and Western literature to compare them and, In sha Allah, get an understanding from both perspectives. Surprisingly,many of the actions recommended and concepts spoken about in both literatures are somewhat the same. The crucial differentiating factor, however, is that Western literature tends to focus on the brain as the main cause of actions and habits, while Islamic literature brings them back to the heart.

In this two-part series, we will explore how we can inculcate better habits in our lives. The first part will explore habit-making through purifying the heart, while the second part of the series will touch on habit-making from the perspective of cognitive science.

At the end of each part, I will share some small actionable steps that we can take to better ourselves, one habit at a time, In sha Allah!

Habits and the Heart

Prophet Muhammad said: “Truly in the body there is a morsel of flesh which, if it be whole, all the body is whole and which, if it be diseased, all of it is diseased. Truly it is the heart.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

As Muslims, we should be clear that in Islamic thought, the center of consciousness and conscience is actually the heart and not the brain as Western science tells us. Shaykh Hamza Yusuf said in recent times scientists have discovered that there are more than 40,000 neurons in the heart that communicate with the brain, meaning that not only does the brain send messages to the heart, but the heart does the same to the brain as well.

In a study conducted in the 1970s, for instance, two physiologists discovered that when the brain sent messages to the heart, “the heart did not automatically obey the messages. Sometimes the heart sped up, while other times it slowed down, indicating that the heart itself has its own type of intelligence”. [1]

That said, the study of the brain is a relatively new science, while our knowledge of the heart and soul will always be limited as the Qur’an has mentioned:

“And they ask you, [O Muhammad], about the soul. Say, “The soul is of the affair of my Lord. And mankind have not been given of knowledge except a little.” [Qur’an: Chapter 17, Verse 85].

In a hadith found in the book “Purification of the Heart” by Imam Al-Mawlud, it is written that no one fully believes until his desires [and thus, actions] are in accordance with what the Prophet had brought [Imam Nawawi, #41]. Due to this, Imam al-Mawlud explained that there is thus no salvation “like the heart’s salvation, given that all the limbs [and organs] respond to its desires”.

The basic rule then, according to Imam al-Mawlud, is to ask Allah for assistance, and then work to consistently purify the state of our hearts.

Three Realizations

There are three kinds of realizations we need to have before we take the steps to make changes in our lives. The first is knowing the state of our heart, the second is having the right intentions towards change, while the third is understanding the nature of change.

Realization 1: Knowing Our State

The first thing to realize in trying to take on good habits or remove bad ones is the state of our heart — the source of all actions. Only through reflection will we be able to know ourselves and who we really are, and this self-awareness is the basis of achieving good.

Reflection, with the knowledge that it is impossible to attain a pure heart, would then lead to shame and humility before Allah , causing us to implore Him to change our states. And truly, no power nor change happens except by the will of Allah .

Suggested action points:

• Look deep within yourself.
• Keep a daily journal.
• Write down all the things you do and feel; the conversations in your heart and mind.
• Take note of your weaknesses, your strengths, what makes you tick and what drives you.
• Learn to see yourself for who you really are
• Take note of the state of your heart.

Realization 2: Having the Right Intentions for Change

The second realization that we need to have is to understand that whatever change we intend to undertake should stem from the need to worship Allah better. Our raw intentions should root not from our ego, desires and wants, but from the pinnacle of servanthood to Him who has created us.

When we make the intentions to be a better parent, child, or student, etc., it makes it easy for us to give up and tell ourselves, “It’s okay, better luck next year.” Also, the reason of being better here is the “I” of the self, instead of the “You” of Allah .

However, when we take our intentions a step further and pin our intentions to the need to serve Allah out of our immense love to Him and the Prophet , then our intention for change is sincerely for Him and nothing else.

Suggested action points:

• Check your intentions: Always do things for the sake of Allah . When we do things for Allah , we do things with ihsaan, with love and perfection; we don’t tell ourselves “better luck next year”. When we do things for Allah, we focus on the “You” and not the “I”.
• Shift your inner dialogue to one which is intent on giving instead of receiving, for in the giving is barakah and aid from Allah .

Realization 3: Understanding the Nature of Change

The third realization is to understand that the nature of mankind in adopting changes is through gradual changes, and not through an extreme makeover.

Although there are instances of people changing drastically literally overnight (for Allah is capable of doing anything He wishes), the nature of change generally is through gradual adoption of new habits.

When the ruling that alcohol is forbidden was revealed, it did not come down in a hard and fast overnight commandment from Allah . Instead, He sent down three gradual revelations that would ease the ruling gradually into the lives of Muslims:

• First revelation: “They ask you about wine and gambling. Say, “In them is great sin and [yet, some] benefit for people. But their sin is greater than their benefit”…” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 219].
• Second revelation: “O you who have believed, do not approach prayer while you are intoxicated…” [Qur’an: Chapter 4, Verse 43].
• Third revelation: “O you who have believed, indeed, intoxicants, gambling, [sacrificing on] stone alters [to other than Allah ], and divining arrows are but defilement from the work of Satan, so avoid it that you may be successful” [Qur’an: Chapter 5, Verse 90].

We should do the same when we plan to overhaul our habits. Start small and gradually take further steps to make the change.

Suggested action points:

Break down the habit you are intending to adopt into smaller steps and start tackling the easiest of the steps first. For example:

• To make writing a daily habit, start by aiming to write freely for five minutes every morning. Then slowly increase the time to ten, then to fifteen, until you reach your daily target.
• To make running a daily habit, start by just putting on your running shoes and going for a 10-minute walk. Over time, gradually increase your speed and/or distance, until running daily becomes second nature to you.

Three Actions that Purify the Heart

With these realizations, we then need to work on purifying our heart and increasing our imaan, for a sound heart leads to sound limbs and actions. When the heart is good, everything else will follow, and habit-changing comes naturally, bi’iznillah.

To increase our imaan, the advice given by Habib Ali Shaykh, the discipline master of the school of Dar al-Mustafa in Yemen, is to do three things:

Read the Qur’an, make salawat upon the Prophet and recite the shahadah.

Doing these actions in itself means the inculcation of new habits. To make things easier, refer to the three realizations we spoke about earlier:

1. The state of our heart and self
2. The right intentions to make
3. The nature of change

Suggested action points:

• First, when you know the state of your heart and the state of yourself, then you know what you need to make it easier to read the Qur’an, make more salawat and recite the shahadah. For me, I realize that it is hard for me to read the Qur’an and make salawat extensively after each prayer due to my tight schedule, and so I dedicate each morning after Fajr prayers solely for these recitations. And when I know my heart is getting low on imaan, I increase my recitations, salawat and shahadah to fight against the disease.

Everyone’s needs and abilities differ according to each person’s state. Make strategies appropriate to your own.

• Second, when you have the right intentions, know with firm belief that Allah will make it easier for you to start inculcating that new habit.

“… Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves…” [Qur’an: Chapter 13, Verse 11].

• Make lots of dua for Allah to make change easier for you. Ask Him to give you the knowledge and understanding that you need, the strength, determination and patience to carry out what you intend, and the remembrance that all changes come from Him and are made for Him.
• Third, when you understand the nature of change, you know that you have to start small, ‘small’ being that which is defined by your own abilities. If you have not been reading the Qur’an your whole life, start by reading half a page of the Qur’an each day. If that’s too hard, start with three verses. Then when you get better and more eloquent in your recitation, increase it to one page, and so on and so forth. The key here is to be consistent, and then to increase your actions gradually.

The Prophet was asked, “What deeds are loved most by Allah?” He said, “The most regular constant deeds even though they may be few.” [Bukhari]

• Lastly, to aid your journey in cleansing your heart, read the book “Purification of the Heart”, a translation and commentary of Imam Al-Mawlud’s “Mat-harat al-Qulub.” Like the doctor giving medicine to the patient, the book diagnoses specific ailments of the spiritual heart, and then suggests the steps to take to cure that ailment. Feeling envious of someone? Turn to page 27. Having negative thoughts? Turn to page 81. Harbouring obliviousness to blessings? Page 123 will tell you what you need to do.

To Be Continued…

I began this article by first addressing the heart, for in the heart sit our intentions.

Prophet said: “Deeds are considered by the intentions, and a person will get the reward according to his intention…” [Bukhari & Muslim].

If we make changes or adopt new habits to be a better this or a better that, chances are we will get to be a better this or a better that. However, if we make changes or adopt new habits to get closer to Allah , then In sha Allah we will get closer Allah .

This should be what we remember first and foremost when we think about habit-making.

“Actions are lifeless forms, but the presence of inner reality of sincerity within them is what endows them with life-giving Spirit.” – Ibn Ataillah, The Book of Wisdom

In the next article, I will elaborate on how we can use the discoveries made by cognitive science to assist us in our habit-making, In sha Allah.

May Allah purify our hearts and intentions, give us the means to carry out the right actions, and accept all the good that we do. Ameen!

So, which techniques have helped you most with developing habits? Which challenges did you face in the process? Please share your experiences, tips and tricks below so everyone can benefit, In sha Allah!

Read Part 2 of the article.

[1] Hamza, Yusuf. “Purification of the Heart.” Introduction, page XVI.

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